Me & my life | relationships | Uncategorized

Caring without caring…

By on February 11, 2017


You know that feeling when you reflect so deeply on people who have left your life? When you think, “did that really happen for a reason?” or, “was that really best for me?” I seem to be doing that a lot tonight, and I feel like I need to express my utter gratitude from what I’ve found.
Sometimes you don’t see the bigger picture at the time, I certainly didn’t. I just saw what I wanted, and what I THOUGHT was best for me; WHO I thought was best for me. But sometimes, that isn’t the case. Sometimes, those who decide to leave you in the most heartless of ways are those who are most beneficial to you as a person. Ironic right?

You see, I look back at all the tears I shed. And all the nights I stayed up crying, and hoping, and wishing. How I blamed everything on myself, and the only person to blame was the other person at the end of the spectrum. I beat myself up over something that I wasn’t deserved of. I took everything I had inside me, and I threw it back at myself. I ended up being toxic to my own self because of someone simply not caring about me like I thought they did.

Now I could go on and on about how hurt I may have been. Or how people aren’t who you think they are. But I’m not going to do that. I spent so long caring, so long looking over someone who just didn’t see it at all. Who still doesn’t see it. And although that’s still the case, my own personal self will not be put on the line for someone who ultimately won’t do the same back.

Because as much as you want to ‘save’ a person. As much as you want to make sure they’re okay, you have to think, “am I destroying myself by doing this?” And in my case, the answer was, and still is, yes.

Sometimes you’ve got to take a step back and let people live their lives for themselves. As much as you want to watch over them. As much as you deeply long to care. Because if they mess up, it’s okay. People mess up. Find comfort in knowing that you’ll be there for them when they’re ready for you love and care, and when you’re ready to give them that.

Bottom line: don’t put yourself on the line for someone who wouldn’t do the same for you. Give that love to someone else, but don’t be heartless about it- nor naive. Find comfort in your own self to know what you want- and most importantly, what you need.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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body positivity | Empowerment | Feminism | Motivation | Uncategorized

My body, my choice

By on February 4, 2017


So today I was casually looking to see if my outfit was okay in a mirror, and it got me thinking. Of course, I think in the most random of situations and circumstances, but bare with me on this one.

I know this is talked about a lot, and so we should do. Our bodies are our own and no one else’s. That means we can’t let people tell us what we “can” and “can’t” do with it (within legal boundaries of course). But even I still find myself doing things in order to please others.

What I do with my body is none of your business. Period. Let people breathe, and let people live. No one should be able to control what someone else does with their body, and no one should be able to judge.

Because the thing is, whatever I wear, however I decide to express my body and my body image, is due to my own confidence. Yes, confidence people. Low cut dresses. Jeans without a long top above it. They’re all things I have slowly learnt to overcome and I finally feel liberated, confident and happy in my body. Okay? Okay.

I’m growing up, and I’m sensible in expressing who I am with my body. I feel like body image is something everyone struggles with, and the power to overcome that is incredible.

I don’t know. Another rambled sort of post, full of complete expression of words, and passion for letting women, men, transgender people, anyone, feel confident enough to belong to their own body.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

 

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Motivation | relationships | Uncategorized

Choosing kindness

By on December 21, 2016


I’ll admit that some things in life, we don’t get to choose. Sometimes things are out of our hands, but I am a strong believer that happiness can be a choice.

I actually have a wooden wall hanging up in my room which says, “choose kindness and laugh often.” Kindness is something in which I try to do as best as I can and that quote really stood out to me.

You have probably heard this a million times, but you honestly don’t know what people are going through. If you are reading this right now, there has probably been a time in your life in which people have not been too kind when you need that kindness the most- and it really does ‘suck.’

We are not all going to be saints, and it’s probably impossible for people to be kind all the time. We’re human, it’s realistically not going to happen. But sometimes random acts of kindness are the best acts of kindness. The kind that are unexpected, and arguably mean the most. Whether it’s as small as giving one pound to charity, or even holding the door open for someone, you cannot deny the fact that the world would be a much more positive place if people chose kindness more often.

I actually read something the other day, and it seemed to really stand out to me:

“Don’t cross oceans for people who wouldn’t cross a puddle for you.”

“No. Do it. Do cross oceans for people. Love people. All people. No conditions attached. No wondering whether or not they are worthy. Cross OCEANS, climb MOUNTAINS, life and love isn’t about what you GAIN. It’s more about what you GIVE.”

I don’t have the original link to the picture which I quoted this from, but it is so unbelievable true. Sometimes you have to be kind to people who may not be kind to you. I don’t mean in a ‘naive’ sort of way, but more for your own mindset. I would much rather be a person with kind intentions, than a person who only has kind intentions when they receive something in return.

And hey, it’s nearly Christmas. That means the time for giving, kindness, and pure happiness. Even a small act of kindness can make a big difference; whether that’s on one person’s life, or thousands of lives. Never forget that.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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body positivity | Empowerment | Me & my life | Uncategorized

Embrace your quirks

By on November 23, 2016


I don’t know. Has anyone else felt as though you constantly live in someone else’s shadows? Like you are not your own ‘wonderful’ human being while you’re around them, but simply there for their own self rather than considering you?

There was a time when I lived every day of my life like this. Like I felt as though I wasn’t worthy of being my own human being because I figured everyone saw as little in me as I viewed in myself. Now, this isn’t going to be a soppy and depressing blog post, but rather something that triggered in my mind while I was awake in the early hours of yesterday morning.

The fact is, we all have are own space in this world whether we realise it or not. I’m a strong believer in the idea that we were all put on this earth for a reason, and we are all worthy of living. I find it upsetting how many people view themselves as worthless when they could simply be some of the most amazing people that this world has to offer.

I have recently had a glimpse of what it felt like to feel like I was living in someone else’s shadow again. Like they are in the centre of the universe while everyone else is kinda just… there. It’s upsetting, and it’s certainly toxic to my own mind to get feelings of such worthlessness.

I think the whole point of this blog post is to simply remind people to be kind and considerate of others. To acknowledge the fact that everyone is quirky in their own way and that no one should deserve to be mocked or ridiculed for how they are. Sure, there are some people that you simply aren’t going to like in this world, and there’s most probably a bunch of people who dislike me.

But the fact of the matter is that no one is worthless, and no one should be made to feel that way. We are all equals whether we like it or not. Whether that is based on race, gender, religion etc or even our personalities. Someone who makes crappy jokes and dances for no reason is just as worthy as someone who chooses a different sort of lifestyle.

Remind yourself, and especially remind others, that it’s each others quirkiness that make us human. We all seem to say this a lot, but it really would be boring if we were all the same. Embrace it and flaunt it. As much as I am trying to embrace my quirky moments, there are times where I feel like I’m being mocked and ridiculed for them. Judgement can really be a painful thing, don’t be the person who is the main contributor to that pain.

Love and happiness always,
xo, Becca

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body positivity | Me & my life | Mental health | Motivation | Uncategorized

A small life update

By on November 9, 2016


I feel a bit “put off” from writing about how I feel at the moment, however it seems like nowadays, “happiness” is genuinely the only emotion that I can describe myself as.
3 months ago, my blog was centred around heart break and pain. I’m not going to sugarcoat anything, because it straight up was. It was a time in my life in which I felt things “coming together,” but it wasn’t totally there. I’d hurt more than I’d ever hurt before, and I don’t know why situations hit me so hard at that time. It was the kind of time where things where looking up for me, and then something else would happen that would break me even more. I was always going backwards, and because of that I became extremely lost. I used to sleep to simply pass time so I could make it through the day without breaking down. I used to have to plan my whole week to keep myself busy because I didn’t know how I’d cope otherwise. Situations made me extremely anxious and even when I look back to September, I don’t think I’ve ever been so ill or felt so low with my anxiety to the point where it physically scared me.
I kinda “chose” a positive attitude and to change my mindset. Obviously it’s not as easy as that, but I was so incredibly determined to see past this point in my life. I’d just gotten my semi colon tattoo at this point, and I honestly believe it came at exactly the right time. It was such an important, and helpful reminder to simply keep going.
I am now sat on my kitchen floor, pouring all these words out onto the notes on my phone. The dryer won’t stop beeping so I should probably sort that out. But I have the energy to. I have the energy to get up right now and just dance. I have the energy to go out in public with my friend today, vlog in public for my YouTube and just laugh. I have the COURAGE to be happy and to keep moving forward and it honestly makes me so emotional when I reflect on my progress.
As well as finding confidence in the body I breathe in, I have also found confidence in my own happiness. I’m entitled and allowed to be happy. I’m allowed to express progress and think, “you know what? I can’t believe I made it through these past months, but I did it.” I see happiness as more of a journey. It doesn’t happen overnight, but if you make yourself a priority, it’s definitely worth it in the end.
I now couldn’t care about external perceptions of me. I can go out in public and not be scared anymore, even though I still have the odd panic attack. The only words I can think of when I describe these past 4 ish months is a whirlwind. An adventure. A journey of happiness and empowerment.
If you’re not in the best place right now, remember that it’s okay. If we never had low times, how would we know what the good ones look like?
Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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General blog posts | Me & my life | Motivation | Uncategorized

You don't have an endless amount of time

By on October 26, 2016


As dark and depressing as this may sound, I often sit there and reflect on the concept of death. About how I can make my life the best life it can be before I die. I am more than aware that life is not endless and I don’t have forever to live, so I am a strong believer in making the most of it while I’m here and while I can. I also mentioned this in my blog post on When I die.

I plan to make the most out of life, and that includes making the most of the people I love and care about the most around me. Just like you don’t live forever, neither do the people around you. A few years ago, I lost my best friend and the person I was closest to above everyone else in this world (my grandma). That’s when this concept really started to hit me and I became intrigued with the idea of making the most of people around you while they’re still here.

If you’re mad at someone for some small issue, resolve it. Forgive, and move on. In my experience, life is too short to make enemies and continue to feud with someone over something which simply won’t matter when you die. If you’re going through a hard and stressful time in your life at the moment, it’s okay. Look forward. You have so many more years left to offer this world, and so many more years to make some amazing memories which will stay with you and others.

The fact of the matter is that some things simply don’t matter. In fact, one of my most favourite pieces from Milk and Honey explores this idea really well. Your job, Where you’re sitting. At the end of the day, none of that matters. Look and seek the most important things; love, human connection, forgiveness. Trust me when I say this, you will be such a happier person for it.

A lot of people tend to question me on why I forgive, or why I try to make effort with people when they may hate me. But at the end of the day, life is too short to not take those opportunities. That person who I’m fretting over hating me could actually be an okay person. That person who requires forgiveness may have been going through a rough time to cause their actions. Forgiving and forgetting are two separate ideas; and forgiveness isn’t naive.

I don’t have a life philosophy for the fun of it. I don’t sit here and blog about positivity because I want to be some inspirational speaker that thinks we live in a world with unicorns and rainbows (although that would be pretty cool). If that’s how you perceive my blog, then that couldn’t be further from the truth. I blog about these kind of things because life is too short to not strive for them. Because life is too short to not seize opportunities, rekindle lost loves if you really want to, or to not live your life exactly how you want. You are in control of your life, no one else.

People aren’t around forever. If you want to try and get someone, go for it. If you want to wear clothes that are unique but make you feel good, go for it. If you want to tattoo your whole body, go for it. Yeah, people may judge. But at the end of the day, what do you want from life?

One of my biggest fears is living life in regret. In wishing that I applied for a ‘dream job’ when I got the chance. In not being with who I’m meant to be with because I was too stubborn to be honest when it comes to my feelings. In letting myself down, and those around me. In being a failure to myself and I certainly don’t plan on that.

My main message that I hope comes from this rambling piece of 1am writing is that life doesn’t last forever. Some things are too insignificant in this world to be fretting over and sometimes our stubborn personalities can take over us sometimes, and that’s okay (trust me, I’m so incredibly stubborn). But it’s never too late to forgive. It’s never too late to rekindle the relationship of the person you love the most and you feel you’re meant to be with. It’s never too late to change your outlook and mindset on life, and it’s never too late to start living and feel alive.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Me & my life | Uncategorized

Letting someone you love grow

By on October 15, 2016


This post was, and is, extremely spontaneous to write. After being in a deep thinking mood for the most parts of today, I suddenly came up with this blog post idea. The kind of ideas that I have been wanting to write about for a few months now, but didn’t quite know how.

There are always going to be people who drift in and out of your life, and one person in particular comes to mind when I reflect on this concept of letting people grow. This is someone who is still becoming their own person and still trying to work out what they want out of life.

I’m hesitant to restrain from not saying anything on this matter, because I have been wanting to write about this for a while now. Nevertheless, in the time I knew this person, I was more than happy to give them space to grow. Space to find themselves and who they were, and be there every step of the way. It wasn’t because I felt like I should’ve been obliged to be there; rather that I wanted to.

I cared, and still care, for this person immensely. It’s the kind of care in which you don’t know why it’s such a strong emotion, but it just is. There’s just something, and I still haven’t put my finger to it yet (even 9 months later). Me caring about them also means that I care about who they turn into, and how their growth may be going.

Honestly, I don’t know where this person is at in their life at the moment. I seem to have a clear idea because I seem to know this person better than they even know themselves. The fact of the matter is that it’s always been about them. It’s always been about me wanting to simply be there and try to keep them in track, but also give them room to grow.

I feel like I have been through a lot with this person, both emotionally and in my own growth. I don’t know if they will ever realise the extent in which I care about them, or the extent in which I want to watch them grow into the person that I know they have potential to be. None of this is for my sake, rather because when you love someone, suddenly everything becomes selfless; with this being one of them kinds of moments.

Who knows if this person will ever stumble across this post, but if for some reason they do; it’s good for them to be reminded that even through everything, they have someone who will always care about them unconditionally and selflessly. That this is the sort of person that I’ll think about now and then and hope and pray that they’re living the best life they can. That they live a life full of happiness, even if I’m not part of it. And I guess that’s what I mean by loving and caring about someone selflessly; I don’t have to be in their life to care. I don’t want anything from it- rather, I just want them to become who they’re meant to be and continue to grow into exactly that.

They seriously have the potential to, and after everything I will continue to defend this person. I ultimately see something in them in which a lot of people fail to see. That behind everything, there is someone genuine, loving and caring. Sometimes the most upsetting thing about it all is that they don’t see how glorious and amazing they are. And that’s just it, that’s the whole point of it. Because they are a wonderful human being and no matter what anyone says, they will find the confidence to become just that in their own growth. And what’s even more is that I’ll still be there in the background, even if I’m not going to be apart of their growth directly.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Empowerment | Motivation | Uncategorized

Does life need to be so complicated?

By on October 8, 2016


I feel like I constantly allude to this all the tine. The idea that life seems so complicated, but when we take a step back and completely strip life down.. is it really?

I feel as though life being complicated is a very personal thing. As humans, we can naturally make situations complicated as well as societal expectations also playing a part. For example, relationships. I have always said this, but some people who love each other aren’t together, and some people who don’t love each other are together. That’s the sad reality of it all. We sometimes seem to make excuses as to why we “can’t” be together with someone but if you really think about it, people can find a way to be together and make it work. I don’t know, maybe I’m very idealistic.

I am living in this very liberating mindset at the moment of “just do it.” In fact, it seems to be my life motto at the moment. I wanted my tattoo for months and as soon as I was 18 I thought, “what’s stopping me?” and got it. I’ve wanted to travel to Leeds for so long, and I finally had an opportunity to go. I wanted to make excuses when it came to not going but I thought, “why not?” and ended up having the best time. I go on spontaneous days out because I can. 

Everyone seems to tell me to enjoy my life at 18, and trust me, that’s exactly what I am doing. I feel like my life starts now and there’s no point in complicating things and making excuses as to why I won’t fulfill something I’ve wanted to for so long.

Ever since I’ve decluttered my life, I have felt a lot happier, and I’m pretty sure the people closest to me has seen that change in me too. When you think about it, you have this amazing life in front of you just waiting to be written- and you can write your story however you want. You can either live life complicating things and live in regret, or you can just do things because you can. Determination.

If you take anything away from this post, I hope you reflect on life in general and where you’re going. I hope you ask yourself, “is this really what I want?” and if it isn’t, fix it. Things are never as bad as they seem, and you can honestly get through anything. Write your story and make it pretty damn amazing because you deserve nothing less.

In some ways, complications are the product of a humans personal choice. We always have a choice, and we always have chance to change things if we wish. Sometimes it’s not easy. Being in love with someone who doesn’t love you, isn’t easy. Trying to reach for your dream job and getting knocked back so many times that you begin to loose hope isn’t easy. But keep fighting. You’ll find a way to get there in the end.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Empowerment | General blog posts | Me & my life | Motivation | Poetry and writing | Uncategorized

An overflow of words

By on September 17, 2016


Whatever comes to mind. When sat at my iMac trying to write endless posts about what goes on in my life and the world around me; I came up with this concept of an overflow of words- which is exactly what this blog post is going to be about.

The past week has been an important learning curve for me. Whilst I have beaten myself up and struggled to find who I am again, I have also learnt how to get my self confidence back. I am who I am, and as much as it upsets me when people hate me; I cannot help who I am fundamentally and I am extremely proud of the person I am turning into. Life is a learning process, and I am learning more and more every day.

When writing about my thoughts and feelings, I also like to pour my overflow of words into the concept of love. I am completely drawn in by the whole idea of love- and that mainly happens unintentionally. Love is this amazing, overpowering connection of human affection and it’s something we take for granted every day. I mainly use my past experiences to write little pieces of poetry, and although this is a piece which is far from perfect, it is something that jumps out at me when I talk about this very concept.

You made me the angriest, the saddest and yet the happiest. You were like the calm sea and the storm all at once.

Pretty cliche metaphor right? Well, have you ever loved someone who you feel is unlovable? If you take anything away from this post at all, I hope you love like it’s the only thing you know how to. Embrace your feelings. Remind people their loved- whether that’s your partner, friend, family member, even your pet goldfish, or anything in between. I regret putting my guard up when it comes to loving someone. I pretend I don’t love them so I don’t get hurt. Let it happen. It’s natural, it’s okay and it’s totally normal. 

And then we have an overflow of words about my life philosophy. How I live is pretty simple- love, be kind and compassionate, forgive, and try to look forward always. If I am going to live this life, I am going to make it the best it can be. A lot of people don’t understand me as a person, and that’s okay. I like being unique. I like the fact that I’m blind in one eye, or I have the dorkiest personality. I like how I thrive off meeting new people and making new friends. This is genuinely me. Everything you read about on this blog is me, my thoughts and my life. 

Maybe i’ll write this and include no punctuation

so the reader can just concentrate on the words

and that’s it

the meaning behind this piece of writing

the fact that mental health is still stigmitised

or we stll live in a world with patriarchy and inequality

quiet

the hush of someone so insecure in themselves due to the pressure

the pressure

of not being good enough

pretty enough

and just like there’s no punctuation used in

this

small

piece

of

writing

maybe this world can change

one

person

at

a

time.

beauty.

equality.

love.

kindness.

compassion.

They deserve grammar.

And the main reason behind my overflow of words? To free myself. To apologise for hurting you, or for wanting to go back in time but not being able to. For admitting that I can still be happy in myself, but also miss the past. This “you” I am referring to could be anyone. In fact, it could refer to everyone in my life right now. This is my escape, because the truth is, I will never stop caring about the people around me. I will never stop embracing the shiz out of who I am. I will never feel guilty about my emotions because that’s what makes me human. That’s what makes me feel alive.

Missing someone is a lot deeper than just missing the memories if you actually valued them. It’s about missing them as a person, and missing caring. Everything else that comes with it. 

My overflow of words is a way of freedom for my mind. Maybe I should open my mind more and listen.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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When I die…

By on September 7, 2016


From the title, you may be expecting this to be a ‘dark’ and ‘depressing’ post. However, this is going to be the total opposite (I hope!)

I always like to think about how I live my life- and with that comes the legacy I leave behind. Will anyone turn up to my funeral? Will people continue to talk bad about me? Will my friends still be my friends?

I guess all these shouldn’t matter; I mean, I’ll be dead… why am I so bothered about the ‘legacy’ I leave behind when I die? But I’m an over thinker. In the words of Aleissa Cara, “I think I think too much.” I guess me worrying about what will happen to me when I die is one of those ‘thinking too much’ moments.

At the end of the day, all I want to do is love the best life than I can. I seem to say this in so many of my blog posts; but if I am nothing but kind, compassionate, happy and healthy then I have successfully lived a good life.

If anything, I want my legacy to be change. I sometimes even worry about this concept because it’s something that’s so hard to achieve. So many people in this world want to make a change, but don’t quite get there. I don’t want to have ‘nearly’ achieved change, I want to do it and me enough influence in this world to achieve just that.

Maybe it’s unrealistic, but if I impact positively on even just one person’s life then I’m pretty happy. All I am to do is be there for people, and I really do thrive off that. I don’t find it exhausting, rather a way for me to help others and just be there.

I hope that I live a long and happy life whilst helping others along the way. I hope that the people who left my life make their way back to me in the end. I hope that I die knowing that I’m proud of all my life accomplishments. I hope I die having experienced real love and having the most amazing friends and family still surround me. I hope I die happy that in the end, everything in my life worked out just how it was meant to.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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