Feminism | Uncategorized

Why 'girl power' is so important

By on December 10, 2016


Girl power. We seem to talk about this idea a lot. I actually bought a top which says ‘power to the girls’ and it got me thinking a lot about girl power in general.

The phrase “girl power” is used as a term of empowerment, independence, and self-sureness. Girl power expressed a cultural phenomenon of the 1990s and early 2000s. It is also linked to third-wave feminism. The term was made popular by the Spice Girls in the mid-to-late 1990s.

When I think about ‘girl power,’ the idea of empowerment and confidence seems to spring to mind. Girl power is all about unity of women in order to bring about a shared sense of empowerment. It is not a term created to imply that women want to be ‘more powerful’ than men, or vice versa.

I am happy promoting girl power because it is fundamentally important. We live in a world full of such judgement, weather that’s based on our appearance, personality, sexuality, beliefs or anything in between. Girl Power is about bringing one another up, rather than tearing each other down.

 

It deeply upsets me when I see girls speak low of another female. It’s almost as if girls compete against each other in order to bring their own self esteem up. And it’s not healthy. Girl Power is about improving the confidence of women- instead of commenting negatively on another woman’s appearance, why not compliment her for something she deserves to be complimented on instead?

Here’s to Girl Power. Here’s to empowerment. Here’s to confidence, and here’s to equality for all.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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General blog posts | Me & my life | Uncategorized

A letter to myself

By on November 26, 2016

I think we sometimes forget how short life actually is. It seems like people tel me all the time to make the most of my life while I’m 18 because it simply flies by.

I’m the sort of person who likes to live without any regrets. t’s pretty ironic for someone who seems to dwell over certain situations and over analyse their outcomes, but I don’t think there can be a more accurate life philosophy.

Good or bad, everything you do and everything that happens to you happens for a reason. I’m a strong believer in this and I think this is one of the most powerful factors when it comes to me not living life with constant regret.

I hope I can look back on my life in 50 years and think “Wow.” To be honest with you, I don’t even know what career path I want to choose for certain yet. I;m honestly just living. I’m young. I have so many years left, and for the moment I’m ticking things off my bucket list that I have aspired to do for so long.

I don’t know if I’m typing this out rapidly on my keyboard at 12am because I’m running on 4 hours of sleep and I’m exhausted. But honestly, just live. I think we all forget that we are simply alive and we are made to live. We are made to experience all angles of life, and sometimes they can be more beneficial to us than we first think.

I can’t, and won;t, sit here and say I haven’t made mistakes. I’m human, there’s going to be times when I mess up and beat myself up for it. But sometimes we dwell on mistakes too long and spend our lives stuck in the past instead of the here and now. Everything that has happened in my past has been a learning curve for me. People have had it worse than me, but I have still had my own unique learning experiences that I like to turn into a positive.

The main message that I want to send myself is to just feel alive. Embrace your flaws and mistakes. Make the most f every moment. Every laughter, every tear, every experience good or bad. But with that, stay true. Stay humble and kind throughout. As well as making myself proud in 50 years time, I hope I make the people around me proud too.

Love and happiness always,
xo, Becca

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General blog posts | Me & my life | Uncategorized

A reflection on relationships

By on November 16, 2016


I am currently sat in a coffee shop huddled in the corner looking at 4 walls.

I feel so comfortable in whatever blurts out from my head so I guess this is going to be a post about something which has been whirling round in my life since June. Something which I have alluded to in a lot of my blog posts, but in which I have never openly come out and talked about in detail.

In some ways, this is my break-up letter. Even though, who writes letters anymore anyway? This is more of a letter of happiness, rather than sadness. I’m done with the whole ‘crying until I fall asleep’ and ‘sleeping in the day just to pass time’ type of emotion which my break-up brought me.

In fact, this is a thank you. A thank you to my break-up. Without it, I don’t think I would be in such a good place right now. I feel like I always get reminded that it’s the hard times that make us human, or that the hard times shape us into who we are today… and this couldn’t be more true today. Sure, there are worse things in life that go on other than break-ups; but they still hurt and they still suck.

I feel like songs constantly talk about break-ups with either emotions of sadness and despair, or the message that says “HEY I HATE MY EX AND THAT’S THAT.” I don’t think I have ever heard a song for a long time that looks back on a break-up with gratitude. I don’t know, does that still make me human? The fact that I’m grateful for someone I once loved leaving me?

Break-ups can bring so many negatives. In many ways, you ask yourself if you really are worthy to let someone into your life and feel loved by another soul again. It’s that stage where you feel utter despair and hopelessness- and I hope to never experience a break-up again in all honesty.

Do I regret my ex relationship? No. I think if I did, I wouldn’t have had the ability to grow or learn. I mean, that’s what relationships are; a sort of journey and hopefully at some point, that journey ends and you’ll settle with someone for the rest of your life. I often look at my parents and admire their relationship. After 19 years of being together, they are still in love and they hardly argue. I hope one day that can be me, but for now I’m just living for the present.

I have never been the sort of person to ‘seek’ a relationship. The idea of me being single totally appeals to me, and I am so happy being independent and single; or independent and in a relationship. But I look back on 2016 and wow, what a learning process it has been. I sure as hell cried a lot, but now those tears have turned into tears of joy and genuine happiness. Into someone who managed to find herself again.

This isn’t a letter of hate, that emotion doesn’t even come into my head anymore when i think of my past relationship. I would rather use this as an opportunity to reflect and be thankful. My break-up made me stronger. It allowed me to grow as an individual and do things I never imagined I would. For instance, my blog was straight up created as a way for me to heal through my break-up. And now, I can proudly say that I have healed. I have healed in more ways than I ever thought I would.

Let like work itself out how it does. Maybe my break-up was a way of the world showing me that I was a lot stronger than I ever thought I was. No matter how many times I get told by the people around me that I am one of the strongest people they’ve ever met, I never used to believe it. Now however, I believe that I am strong enough to conquer anything. Not just break-ups, but my high functioning anxiety that comes with it.

To my ex, thank you. I genuinely hope you’re as happy as I am right now. This isn’t a dig. Or hatred. This is a simple thank you. I hope one day everything I told you about yourself will soon make sense. Find your own potential and just feel alive.

Love and happiness always,
xo, Becca

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Me & my life | Mental health | Motivation | Uncategorized

Why my anxiety will never win

By on October 1, 2016


It’s not a secret that I have anxiety. Hi, yes I panic over people hating me, my friends not wanting to be my friends, and being a burdern to everyone in my life. Sounds dark when I put it like that, but it isn’t. I’m happy and positive 95% of the time. 

As completely irrational as it may sound to someone who has never had mental health issues before, it’s like constantly living with a ‘linger.’ It’s going to sleep happy you’ve had a ‘good day’ with low anxiety levels, and then waking up the next day and for some reason having a ‘bad day.’

When I talk about my anxiety, I am normally open about the thoughts and feelings that ferociously overflow my mind. As dark and depressing as it may sound, I live my life in the fear of people hating me. I could say something, and beat myself up over it for a good 3 days afterwards. I could worry about being alone and having no one whilst I have an amazing support group of people that surround me.

I recently had an encounter which made me extremely anxious. One thing I hate is being stared at and ridiculed, which happened to me recently and left my anxiety sky high. Although many people may have either brushed this off, or approached the person responsible and started an argument; this event left me house bound for 2 days. I had to drag myself out of the house on the following Tuesday. I was so displaced in who I was that I began to believe that I deserved to be mocked and humiliated- when I clearly don’t. The reason why I was put in that uncomfortable position is still a mystery to me, but it was the effects after what happened which triggered my anxiety to the worst point it’s been (probably ever).

When it comes to my anxious thoughts, I take comfort in a ‘safe place’ where I can talk to someone and let my thoughts and feelings out in complete confidence. Although my ‘safe place’ is no longer around, I have created my own ‘safe place’ in myself with a general plan of what to do when my anxiety reaches frightening points and I simply feel hopeless.

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a blog post on my new semi colon tattoo. In all honesty, my tattoo has helped act as a personal reminder that my story is not ready to end. Shoutout to my anxiety- you will not win. Although I reach points of such hopelessness, separation and displacement; my high anxious times normally pass. I am a lot stronger than I give myself credit for, and sometimes being reminded of that helps me realise that my anxiety and my anxious thoughts don’t deserve to impact so much on my health and it’s all about control.

As completely absurd as this may seem to someone who struggles with anxiety like me, I now also put myself in purposeful anxious positions to show myself that I can do it. When I am in the right frame of mind, I become determined enough to order my own food, go out on my own, go to events by myself or even silly things like walking down a busy street and turning round to go in a different direction. When this blog post goes up, I’ll be at the Bloggers Blog Award event on my own. I would never have done that 3 months ago.

My anxiety does not difine me. It’s as simple as that. Ironically, I am a pretty happy and positive person. Just because my brain is wired differently compared to other people doesn’t suddenly mean that I am dark and depressed all the time. Because the reality is, I’m not. I am finally at a point where I’m understanding my mental health. Where I am ready to say “HI ANXIETY YOU WILL NOT WIN,” but also accept that it’s okay if I have a ‘bad day’ because it’s going to happen. Where I have finally plucked up the courage to admit that I need help in order to help keep my anxiety under control (yes, after months of waiting and years of putting it off after fear, I have finally been referred to a mental health clinic). Small, but positive steps… right?

My anxiety will always be there in some shape or form. The sad thing about mental health illnesses, is that they don’t just disappear. It will always linger, and it will always be a constant battle. Just because I seem happy one day doesn’t automatically mean that the thoughts of hopelessness and the fear of people completely hating me just don’t go away like magic. But who I fundamentally am and my personality will always be bigger and a more dominant part of me than my anxiety. Because I’ve accepted that I can suffer from anxiety, and love making friends. I can suffer from anxiety, and still be independent. My mental health will not replace the fundamental qualities of who I am.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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body positivity | Uncategorized

Self love and empowerment

By on July 15, 2016


In a world full of negativity and negative energy, sometimes it is easy to put yourself down and not feel good enough. To feel insecure in your body, or how you look, and to beat yourself up about it. Trust me, I was the same and occasionally still get like that. But like everything else, life is a journey and self love and empowerment is part of that journey. I constantly stumble across people on my own Facebook news feed who share statuses about being insecure in their body or how they look. When I see this, it genuinely upsets me. In fact, I’ve been known to message people I’ve never talked to before and remind them that they are genuinely beautiful. The key is finding beauty in yourself that you fail to see.

Of course it is easier said than done. Self love and empowerment takes a lot of hard work and requires you to trust yourself. But do you see that spot on your cheek? Or that stretch mark on your thigh? Or how your tummy rolls when you sit down? It’s all completely 100% natural. Sometimes, we fail to realise that and beat ourselves up for things that are out of our control. But look at it this way; stand up and sit in front of the mirror. Look at yourself and tell yourself, “You know what? I am actually good enough and I am actually beautiful.” Self empowerment is all about you putting your full trust into yourself and what you say to yourself.

Personally, and as cliche as this may sound, I do see beauty in everyone. I feel like beauty is something that we’re all born with, and sometimes it takes longer for some of us to find that beauty. This world is full of billions of people who all genetically look unique to each other. Isn’t that beautiful in itself? The fact that you don’t look exactly the same as ANYONE ELSE on this planet? Embrace the things you hate about yourself, because someone else will love them. For example, I personally hate wearing glasses and then having an eye that constantly shakes. I personally hate having a massive scar in the middle of my stomach. I personally hate having big thighs and small boobs. But you know what? I secretly love those things too, because as cliche and overused as this phrase may be, it’s a part of who I am and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.

It’s easy to compare yourself to models and ‘stereotypically’ pretty girls on the internet, we all do it. But do you know what’s cool? You’re also just as beautiful as they are in your own way. Sit there and pin point certain things in yourself that you love. Whether it’s your hair. Your eyes. Your smile. As well as pin pointing the things we hate about ourselves, we should also pin point the things we love most about ourselves. Confidence is key, and if you can learn to embrace all your features then you’re half way there. Ultimately, the day you learn to love yourself is the day you also learn let others love you.

Loving yourself also isn’t just about loving your body or how you look. It’s about loving everything, including your personality and how you treat others. Have you ever heard the phrase that beauty also comes from within? When I was going through a time in which I physically couldn’t even look myself in the mirror because I hated how I looked so much, I learnt that working on my inside beauty was key to embracing my outside beauty. I am a person who likes to surround themselves with positivity, be positive and be kind to everyone- even people who may have hurt me. I try to take down my pride and forgive others. I try to treat people with as much love and compassion and I would want them to show me in return. The day you realise that you’re a better person than you give yourself credit for, and see the good in others also, is the day your mind will be at peace and you’ll stop trying to fight having an ugly personalty. I’m not saying it’s easy. I still make mistakes, and I’ve still hurt people and not been as compassionate and kind as I could’ve been. But I picked myself up and kept trying, and you can too.

Self empowerment is a journey. Think of it as a graph. You’ve got to keep the graph steady and increasing rather than letting yourself fall. I feel like a lot of it has to do with who surrounds you in your life. If you’re surrounded by positive people who remind you of your worth, your more likely to accept that and believe them. But, if you’re surrounded by people who make you feel less than good enough, then you don’t deserve them in your ‘bubble of empowerment.’

Change starts from today. If you feel like you’re struggling with your body image then remember, from me, that you are more beautiful than you give yourself credit for and you offer more to this world than you think. Yes, it’s cliche, but it’s time more people helped bring each other up rather than tear each other down. Liberate yourself. Empower yourself. Look yourself in the mirror and admit how beautiful you are. It’s not vain, in fact it’s far from it. I will never understand why it is acceptable for society to make people feel like they need to put themselves down instead of picking themselves up because it’s viewed as “loving yourself too much” or “being too self absorbed.” Confidence and empowerment is one of the most fundamental parts to us finding happiness as a human being and it should be celebrated more because it deserves to be.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Want 20% off your order at Coconut-Lane? Use the code ‘beccajayne20’ at the checkout to redeem…. go on! Why not treat yourself?

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