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A reflection on relationships

November 16, 2016


I am currently sat in a coffee shop huddled in the corner looking at 4 walls.

I feel so comfortable in whatever blurts out from my head so I guess this is going to be a post about something which has been whirling round in my life since June. Something which I have alluded to in a lot of my blog posts, but in which I have never openly come out and talked about in detail.

In some ways, this is my break-up letter. Even though, who writes letters anymore anyway? This is more of a letter of happiness, rather than sadness. I’m done with the whole ‘crying until I fall asleep’ and ‘sleeping in the day just to pass time’ type of emotion which my break-up brought me.

In fact, this is a thank you. A thank you to my break-up. Without it, I don’t think I would be in such a good place right now. I feel like I always get reminded that it’s the hard times that make us human, or that the hard times shape us into who we are today… and this couldn’t be more true today. Sure, there are worse things in life that go on other than break-ups; but they still hurt and they still suck.

I feel like songs constantly talk about break-ups with either emotions of sadness and despair, or the message that says “HEY I HATE MY EX AND THAT’S THAT.” I don’t think I have ever heard a song for a long time that looks back on a break-up with gratitude. I don’t know, does that still make me human? The fact that I’m grateful for someone I once loved leaving me?

Break-ups can bring so many negatives. In many ways, you ask yourself if you really are worthy to let someone into your life and feel loved by another soul again. It’s that stage where you feel utter despair and hopelessness- and I hope to never experience a break-up again in all honesty.

Do I regret my ex relationship? No. I think if I did, I wouldn’t have had the ability to grow or learn. I mean, that’s what relationships are; a sort of journey and hopefully at some point, that journey ends and you’ll settle with someone for the rest of your life. I often look at my parents and admire their relationship. After 19 years of being together, they are still in love and they hardly argue. I hope one day that can be me, but for now I’m just living for the present.

I have never been the sort of person to ‘seek’ a relationship. The idea of me being single totally appeals to me, and I am so happy being independent and single; or independent and in a relationship. But I look back on 2016 and wow, what a learning process it has been. I sure as hell cried a lot, but now those tears have turned into tears of joy and genuine happiness. Into someone who managed to find herself again.

This isn’t a letter of hate, that emotion doesn’t even come into my head anymore when i think of my past relationship. I would rather use this as an opportunity to reflect and be thankful. My break-up made me stronger. It allowed me to grow as an individual and do things I never imagined I would. For instance, my blog was straight up created as a way for me to heal through my break-up. And now, I can proudly say that I have healed. I have healed in more ways than I ever thought I would.

Let like work itself out how it does. Maybe my break-up was a way of the world showing me that I was a lot stronger than I ever thought I was. No matter how many times I get told by the people around me that I am one of the strongest people they’ve ever met, I never used to believe it. Now however, I believe that I am strong enough to conquer anything. Not just break-ups, but my high functioning anxiety that comes with it.

To my ex, thank you. I genuinely hope you’re as happy as I am right now. This isn’t a dig. Or hatred. This is a simple thank you. I hope one day everything I told you about yourself will soon make sense. Find your own potential and just feel alive.

Love and happiness always,
xo, Becca

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  1. Awww this post made me a little emotional. They always tell us that love is the best thing in the world but how good is that feeling of finally getting over someone, realising they weren’t right for you and just moving on ! xxx

  2. Really well written post. Break ups always were a lot harder in my youth. I used to spend months and months crying. It’s quite funny when I look back now. I’m grateful to every single one of those guys because without them I wouldn’t have met my husband!

  3. What a refreshing post! I think its great that you have used your blog to share your experience which affects all of us. I believe that things happen for a reason whether it be good or bad experiences they happen to define us and make us better people. Im really glad that your feeling happy – Good on you girl! xx

  4. I think when you are in something that isn’t working, getting out of it is liberating. Like, I remember when I held on forever to a relationship where we argued a lot. It wasn’t good but I didn’t want to let go. Eventually we decided to end it and it was good because I was able to reacquaint myself with me. I’m glad you are happy.

  5. I feel exactly the same.
    Breakups suck! And my first sent me into 4 months of depression. Honestly, they were the longest and the worst 4 months of my life but I learnt SO much about myself and who my real friends are. You see, it wasn’t just the breakup – my best friend at the time decided she’d pledge her loyalty to my ex (who she met through me after we started dating!) instead of me. She was a complete bitch to me quite frankly, telling me my feelings were ridiculous and telling me allll about the amazing things my ex was getting up to and all the hilarious jokes he was making when all I wanted to do was heal and start to move on. But the problem was, I’d succeeded in isolating myself from my ‘old’ life to be in a group comprised of some of his mates, me and my (ex) best friend. So naturally, I was left completely alone when all I really needed was somebody to be there for me when I cried and remind me that just because he didn’t want me anymore, doesn’t mean I’m not wanted/worth wanting. But I had no one. Then, in about the third or fourth month, I refound my ‘old’ friends who I’d so graciously abandoned (probably the biggest mistake I’ve ever made) and somehow, managed to show them I was worth forgiving. I think they could tell, as any decent friends would, that something wasn’t quite right. I was at rock bottom and, although I didn’t fess up at the time quite how depressed I was, they knew that I needed them. It took a while for them to take me back but as soon as they did we began to blossom as a group. I genuinely believe my depression was the thing that pushed us closer together and now we have such an incredibly strong bond it’s unreal. And it wouldn’t have happened without my breakup – the one thing that started all of this and put me on a journey to self love, confidence and true friendship, not to mention how much I learnt about myself and how my brain works. I was so incredibly happy with him; I had a love that consumed me and made me the person I am today. And I think that could be the main reason I did the unthinkable. A few months after it was all over and I’d found happiness, he found his way back into my life. It was a very slow process and it took a lot for me to let my guard down for him again but I knew that I’d changed in ways I never thought were possible so allowed him to show me that he had too. And after a (very long) while of careful judgement and meticulous thought on both sides, we decided to give it another try. We both loved each other, of that I’m certain. And the few months we had together after that were pretty divine. But underneath it all, there was a trickling sensation, for both of us I think, of doubt and a nagging ‘what if we’re making a massive mistake?’. In the end it was me who decided to end it, not because I was unhappy but because I knew we just weren’t right for each other anymore. I simply had to set him free. The night after I did it I felt incredibly empowered and strong and certain that I’d made the right decision. The breakup was tough and there were many days of doubt and longing for the love that we had. But it wasn’t anything like last time and I know my friends are part of the reason. They’re such fantastic, lovely people and I don’t really know what I’d do without them! But the biggest reason really was that I was stronger as a person. The way it ended allowed us both to obtain closure and I think that’s been such a prominent part of us both moving on to a point where we’re friends (ish) today. We can never really be close friends because of our history but neither one of us has a problem passing the time of day with one another if we end up in the same place at the same time. We’ve both grown into stronger, more independent, people and I don’t think we’d be where we are individually without it.
    The whole relationship, including the breakup, is what made me who I am so I’m incredibly thankful to him (and to myself) for taking me on this incredible journey.

    Sorry for the crazy long comment, I guess I just wanted to let you know that you’re not crazy, you’re actually very normal. Being thankful for something is a sign of massive strength and wisdom. The ability to look back at something that caused you so much pain and feel thankful is not easy but you did it anyway.

    You’ll go far in this world, Becca.

    Naomi Katharine xx
    naomikatharine.blogspot.com

  6. Moving on can take a while. I can certainly relate with regards to my first proper boyfriend. I really thought we could be friends but he’d hurt me a lot and it was good to finally put him in the past. x

  7. Wow. I broke up with my boyfriend of two years last night and this post has really been an eye opener. I will grow stronger, and although rivers will be cried, it is necessary almost.

    I also do not feel ill feelings towards my ex, I respect him in-fact. We mutually agreed to break things off because words he had spoken in the past were still tearing holes in me.

    Thank you so much.

  8. This gave me proper tingles. You write beautifully and I’m so glad I just discovered you blog! Break ups are the beginning of a whirlwind of consequence and emotion, most of which is nonsensical and very little of which is kind to our sense of self-worth until you reach the stage you write this from; where you feel less lonely, less afraid, where you feel more loved by yourself than you ever have. Where you might realise that they weren’t good for you, or they’re a different person. Break ups are tough but you’ve perfectly captured the best part of them; the moment you move on. x

    willow-tea.com

  9. I love that this post shows an opposing side to breaking up. Often times, we are set in our woes and this shows the light on the other side, after a break up happens that needed to happen. It is so difficult to take that first step, to end it, but when you know that it is over, it will all work out for your better. Great post!
    Please check out one of my latest post https://aladyhoodjourney.wordpress.com/2017/01/23/a-love-on-repeat/ I would love to hear your thoughts!

  10. I really needed to read this right now. I broke up 2 days ago and i am suffering a ray of emotions. So last night ive started my own blog to help me deal with these emotions and get them out as im not very good at talking about my feeling. So i really hope it does for me what its done for you. much love, sammie <3

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