Mental health | Uncategorized

Anxiety in relationships and the workplace

August 7, 2016


Okay Becca, breathe.

This is undoubtedly going to be one of the most personal, and hardest, blog posts to write if anything; because it is the reason behind my biggest downfalls as a person- how my anxiety affects me in relationships and in the workplace.

It’s no secret that I am quite a sensitive person as it is. Mix that in with anxiety, and we have breakdown after breakdown in a relationship. Dear my future partner: good luck.

I don’t think I have ever openly sat here and spoke about how bad my anxiety can get in relationships. I am incredibly worried about people in my life leaving me as it is, and that is no different in relationships. It’s hard to admit that you constantly feel like you’re not good enough for the person you love. I mean, it’s me. Why would anyone want to commit to me? 

I constantly worry and have panic attacks over not being good enough. I constantly worry about my partner finding someone better, and me not being enough. I want to be good enough for them. I want to be the best girlfriend I can be, I want to put them first and care for them so unbelievably much. Even though I do just that, I feel like that’s not enough. I mean, I view myself as such a ‘burdern,’ so how could anyone possibly love me? Wow, what a foreign concept.

I worry about it so much that it puts a strain on my relationship. It’s so much emotional stress being put on my partner, over something I can’t help.

It’s a constant mental battle of, “He’s going to leave me. I want to tell him, but I can’t. What if I tell him how I really feel and he leaves me?” Even writing this now I have a lump in a throat thinking about the amount of emotional strain that my anxiety puts me under in relationships. And the saddest thing about it all? I physically can’t help it.

Paranoid? No. I’ve sat and thought about this more in depth than a lot of things. The most ironic thing, is that I still trust my partner. I still trust that they love me enough to not leave me unless necessary. I still trust them enough to know that when they tell me I’m good enough, maybe I am just that.

See what I mean by a constant emotional battle? It’s a constant battle between thoughts that are ‘irrational,’ but seem totally real to me, and what I know is actually happening.

To conclude this, I’m going to put my hands up and admit that how I feel in relationships has put such a strain on the people I love. The saddest thing is that I try not to think about it, and I try not to have panic attacks over it. This may seem completely ‘psycho’ to anyone who hasn’t experienced anxiety in relationships, but I know it’s not just me who experiences this.

My advice to you if you feel like this in a relationship? Trust your partner, and if you need to talk to them, talk to them. Don’t let your anxiety put even more strain on yourself, and your relationship, more than it already might be,

And on the flipside, if you’re dating someone with anxiety (especially in your relationship), the number one thing you can do is to be reassuring. Yeah, it may get tiring. But if you really want to fight for your relationship and your partner, then it will be worth it. In fact, I read the perfect thing that would fit with this idea yesterday:

Don’t give up on somebody with a mental illness. You’re finding it hard to be [with] them? They’re finding it harder, I promise.

And now the good old, ‘anxiety in the workplace.’ If handing in your CV, going through the interview process, talking on the phone to your boss, and doing the whole training process at work wasn’t bad enough, my anxiety still likes to pop up and say hello.

I work as a waitress in a tea room so I’m serving food and drinks to customers on a weekly basis. For me, talking to people makes me feel extra anxious. Don’t get me wrong, I love people, I love interacting with people and exploring their lives and just having a general chat. But it makes it extra hard to do that, especially if you’re having a bad anxiety day and you feel on edge.

To be completely honest, I love my job. It gives me great experience, and forces me to be put in uncomfortable positions and see the day through. However, like everything else, it can all get too much.

It was only the other day actually where I had a panic attack in work due to my anxiety. I had been having constant panic attacks all Friday, so I didn’t feel too good either when I got up for work on that Saturday. Regardless, I always say that I will not let my anxiety stop me from doing things, so I went to work as usual.

Little did I know, that even spilling a bit of tea could make me nearly cry. Yes, I nearly cried over tea. I nearly cried over the embarrassment of dropping a bit of tea, and the good old wow, you’re not even good enough to serve a pot of tea.’

Just like worrying over my partner wanting to leave me in relationships, I get worried over being sacked in work. In fact, I’ve pretty much got it in my head that my workplace is going to sack me and I’m so hopeless, even though I know that that’s not the case and I’m doing just fine at my job.

Regardless, I am getting better at handling my anxiety in relationships and the workplace. I am still yet to adjust to the constant negative thoughts, and turning them into a positive.

More than anything, I am worried that I will put up this blog post and people will think I’m a ‘paranoid freak who doesn’t deserve a boyfriend or a job.’ And you know what? That couldn’t be further from the truth. The whole point of this post was mainly to speak up about this and once again, stop the negative stigma that surrounds mental illness. If anyone knows me, they’ll know that I try to be the most positive and happiest person I can be. I see my anxiety as a pain, and something that lingers… not something that defines my whole mind. I deserve to be loved just as anyone else, because I know how to love and not just be a constant annoyance due to my anxiety… something may I add again, I cannot help; trust me I hate it as much as you do.

I’m trying, one step at a time. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been right now, and hopefully that will reflect in my next relationship- whenever that may be, who knows.

Bottom line: my anxiety will not stop me from working hard at my job, just as it will not stop me from finding a relationship where my anxiety episodes are accepted just as much as everything else about me should be.

Do you have similar experiences in relationships or the workplace? Leave your thoughts in the comment box below!

Love & happiness always,

xo, Becca

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  1. I really admire you for writing this. As some who to suffers with anxiety, my biggest struggles are trying to explain how I feel to my husband and dealing with it at work. So just the thought of putting it into words and posting it for everyone to see makes me feel tense. Also I love your blog 💕

    1. Thank you so much! I was worried about writing it because it’s hard you know? Especially when others can’t physically understand. I mainly wrote it to help raise that awareness and so other people can relate to it- I don’t think people talk about how bad anxiety can get in a relationship and in the workplace. Thank you for the lovely feedback lovely & liking my blog. It means a lot X

  2. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 2 years and I still get anxiety! But he works with me and if your boyfriend is as good to you as you deserve, he too will work with you! He will make sure that you feel at ease and honestly it will be amazing!

    Lauren | laurmatthews.blogspot.com

  3. I love how you have opened up about this , well done!
    I don’t partially opened up to people about my anxiety and it affects my life in all ways possible!! I don’t think people talk about mental health as much as they should, so I am proud off you!! 🙂
    Love Emma xox

    1. Thank you so much lovely! Anxiety in relationships & the workplace doesn’t seem to be highlighted that much, but I guess it’s down to personal experience. It helped ruin my relationship on my part which sucks, but it is what it is! Thank you for your lovely feedback X

  4. Well done for opening up about this, it’s a really brave thing to do and the more people open up and talk about it, the more others will be able to understand it and there will be less of a stigma surrounding mental health issues. The right person will be with you and support you regardless of your anxiety, trust me – I’ve been there! Stay strong, you’re doing great! 🙂 x

    1. Thank you so much lovely! It’s something I worry about seen as my anxiety can be so prominent / mentally and emotionally destroying in a relationship. Makes me wonder sometimes if I have potential to ever really be loved. Regardless, thank you for the lovely feedback! I totally agree, hence why I talk about mental health a lot. It’s just a lack of understanding, the more it gets addressed, the more people will be educated on the matter 🙂 X

  5. Thank you for writing this. I can relate to both anxiety in a relationship and in the workplace. I was in a unhealthy relationship a few years ago because my anxiety led me to believe I didn’t deserve better. I would also get anxious over ‘silly’ things when working in retail.

    I have now been in a relationship for 2 years with someone very understanding, though I still struggle sometimes with anxiety. However by changing my thinking I can work through my doubts and anxieties.

    Well done for having the confidence to share this and hopefully help others. It sure makes me feel like I’m not alone xx

    Larisa
    http://larisajayne.com/

  6. Finding the right person helps a lot with anxiety. It’s the most boring thing in the world to say that I knew my husband was the one because I felt ‘familiar’ with him…but there you go. I still have my battles, and some days seem impossibly hard but now I have a safe place where I know I’m loved and accepted despite all my Cractpot ways. Don’t give up looking for that! Do not settle. Be patient, have faith and look at yourself in the mirror and remember all the ways you are awesome! (Cheesy, but it’s true. Someone out there is waiting for you just the way you are with all your quirky loveliness)

  7. This must have been such a hard thing to open up about, but thank you for writing a post on it. You’re so brave and it’s people like you that are reducing the negative connotations with mental illnesses.

  8. aww becca, thank you so much for writing this, for sharing something personal. that is courage right there hun <3 i really enjoyed reading this because i felt like i got to know you more, it's lovely to get to know another person like this rather than through reviews, fashion etc posts which can be fun <3 i'm proud of you girl, and i hope it will be easier for you, never give up!

  9. Well done for sharing this. It’s so nice to read that you’re the happiest you’ve ever been. I’ve been in my current relationship for 6 years and being in a stable, happy relationship has been the best thing that could’ve ever happened for my anxiety.

  10. Ahhh this is everything!! I’m not currently employed (and even the idea of interviews is making me panic as I’m applying to loads of places at the moment) but I could’ve written the relationships parts!! Until this year I’d never been in a serious relationship before. I found this amazing guy who means the world to me, but we had to go long distance just 5 months into our relationship – I graduated from our university but he’s 2 years younger so he’s still there. It’s going okay but my anxiety has been causing problems recently. This post speaks to me on so many levels! I don’t think he quite realises when I say “I worry about this thing all the time” that I mean ALL the time, and it’s definitely more difficult for him to understand when we’re apart so much.

    Don’t let your anxiety hold you back but don’t forget to take time to look after yourself and keep it in check, and don’t be afraid to talk to a partner about it – they should try and be understanding even if they don’t know what it’s like!

    Brilliant post & definitely one I needed to read right now, thank you!

    Ro x

  11. YOU ARE NOT A PARINOID FREAK!! This post was so vulnerable and personal and that’s why I always come back to your blog. Thank you for sharing this and allowing your pain to be another person’s hope. 🙂

    1. Thank you so much lovely!! I try to make my posts as personal as possible because my blog is like a reflection of my thoughts & life, I’d be lying if I did anything else! Thank you so much for the positive feedback X

  12. This post is so inspiring! You seem like such a lovely girl who deserves an amazing partner who will love you to the moon and back! The fact that you’ve openly spoke about your anxiety to others is just so brave! As for in the workplace, I get so scared about messing up in front of customers or my managers, so I can only imagine how you feel with your anxiety!
    Keep powering through, and take everyday at a time! I loved this post! x

    1. I’m definitely getting better at controlling it- even though I still have bad days! As for relationships, what happens, happens. I know there’s someone out there who will accept everything about me. Thank you so much for the lovely feedback X

  13. Awww Becca, this is so honest and I love that! It’s so brave of you to open up about your feelings instead of just brushing them under the rug – you’re helping a LOT of people! & this post really touched my heart, you’re not a freak at all, you’re an amazing young woman who’s growing up trying to be the best she can be. And I know how you feel, something like the embarassment of spilling a cup of tea gets to me too, I promise you’re not alone! & when you do find a partner, they’re going to love you for YOU & they’ll see past the anxiety because it doesn’t define you, you’re an ambitious woman with a bloody amazing blog, may I say, & that shines through!

    This was a great post & thanks so much for sharing! Xxx

  14. This is such a wonderful, honest post. I also live with generalized anxiety disorder and suffer regular panic attacks. It’s been a difficult thing to deal with, especially when it comes to relationships and work. I’ve found peace in a self-employed, work-from-home life, and a partner who is committed to me even when I’m at my most anxious. We’ve had to work very hard to strike that balance, and some days I think it must not be worth the extra trouble – but then I remember that ALL relationships, and ALL jobs come with problems that must be worked through, whether you suffer anxiety or not. Props for sharing your experience, and know you’re definitely not alone.

    -Alex
    onecriticalbitch.com

    1. Thank you so much & that’s definitely it! I spent my last relationship constantly worried about adding to more trouble and being such a burden and it all got too much. I began to realise that I can’t help it. It sucks, but it comes with me and it definitely has potential to see past as most of the time I AM happily and bubbly! Thank you for the lovely feedback X

  15. Such a beautifully worded post, I hope it helped at least a little bit to get it out. I can relate to so much of what you’re saying – I’m always worrying in relationships that I’m not good enough even when people are telling me ‘you’re too good for him’! It can be hard to believe that you deserve happiness sometimes, but if someone is choosing to be with you then there’s no reason to doubt it!

    Anoushka Probyn – A London Fashion Blog

    1. Thank you so much lovely! Writing it really did help. I felt like I was clinging onto bad vibes and besting myself up for something which isn’t my fault. It’s helped me liberate myself on the topic. Thank you for the lovely feedback X

  16. I’m the same when it comes to anxiety and talking to other people! You know how you were talking about spilling a bit of tea and crying… I would do exactly the same. I just get so embarrassed! I think the main thing is that I get anxious about what other people think of me.
    Aleeha xXx
    http://www.halesaaw.com/

  17. Great post! I don’t suffer with anxiety, but I know people who do and it’s important for others to understand what you go through! It’s great that you’re pushing through and trying not to let it get in the way of your work/relationships!

    Emma x

  18. SUCH a great post lovely! I also suffer from anxiety so it is great to hear other people and bloggers talking about it and how it affects them, especially when it is still seen as quite a taboo subject! Don’t quite think I’m brave enough to speak out about it properly yet, but this is a brilliant post! Xxx

      1. Yes! Its such a hard thing to talk about, and a lot of people just say, ‘oh, you’re just nervous!’.. no, theres such a big difference! So many people just try to brush it off! No problem lovely xxx

  19. I can totally relate to everything you’ve said! I used to get so anxious at work and over relationships. Now I am in a relationship and have been for over a year and he understands I have anxiety and helps me when I’m having a panic attack by reassuring me and waiting until I’m calmer to talk things over. I admire you so much for writing this post – you go girl!x

  20. I personally really want to thank you so much for sharing this!
    I’m the type of girl like you. I’m sensitive, I can sit and cry when I see puppies and I have no idea why. I’m in a perfect relationship right now. Ofc we argue, but I know our aguements are alright. But I keep feeling the same thing. “What if he actually doesn’t love me, but just think he does and he is holding on, what if I’m actually just being really annoying and he doesn’t know how to say it” .. I have literally sat down and thought about what kind of girl that would be perfect for him – was it me? Of course not. I wasn’t like this when I was younger, but after so many heart breaks and guys doing stuff behind my back, my feelings for my boyfriend switch every single day and I’m going out of my mind. He respects how I am, he never talk to girls, he actually doesn’t even give a damn about other girls than me or finds anyone attractive (not even moviestars) so I honestly have no idea why I feel like this but it never ends. I know how to work with myself when it comes and my insecurity goes high as a mountain, but I really want to thank you for posting this because I have felt so alone with these feelings (my friends doesn’t feel like this in their relationships) so this made my evening much better 🙂

  21. Thanks for writing this. My husband has really bad anxiety and I found this post very insightful. It’s interesting to see things from his (or your) perspective. It’s true that it does sometimes get tiring to always have to be reassuring, but if you love someone it’s totally worth it! You’ll find someone amazing and it’ll get better!

  22. I stumbled across your blog by accident but so glad I did. It’s so good to know there are other people out there willing to share and open up about their experiences with anxiety. It’s something I’ve struggled with for years and this has given me the extra push I needed to continue to do the same with my own blog. Thank you!

  23. Hi Becca –

    I suffer from exactly the same issues. I literally cannot bring myself to go to work due to my anxiety sometimes. Usually my anxiety stems from a problem within my relationship. Unfortunately this time last year it got so bad I had to start seeing a therapist which helped me completely…until now. My relationship is currently going through strain again at the moment and I am experiencing the same issues. I haven’t been to work this week and am having daily issues with anxiety thinking the absolute worst about my relationship.
    But I started my blog literally today in a help to overcome this, and i will!
    Its so great to read like minded peoples views on this to gain courage and strength when you’re feeling the absolute worst!
    Thanks for posting this, its helped one more person feel less alone!
    xo

  24. Oh my god my heart.. you are too brave to have written all this and it makes me so proud of you!! This was such an interesting read because it’s so interesting to know and understand what it’s like for people who suffer from anxiety. If you ever ever ever need to talk/rant to anyone I’m always here!!! I’ll grab a cup of tea and some biscuits and I’ll BE ALL EARS hehe xxxx

  25. The worst bit, I think, in relationships, is when you get so overly anxious that you just completely shut down and just lock away all your emotions. And that other person is just standing there like: “what” and you honestly don’t know how to get them back… Yeah, I get you, and I cannot tell you enough how amazing I think you are for being able to write about that.

  26. hello!,I love your writing so a lot! percentage we be in contact more about your post on AOL? I need a specialist in this area to resolve my problem. Maybe that is you! Looking ahead to peer you.

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