Today I wrote this short poem which basically explains my mind on this matter. The healing heart.
Love. It’s one of the most confusing human emotions there is. It can fill you with happiness, sadness, loneliness, disappointment and hurt all at the same time. You can feel an extreme amount of love for someone, yet know they’re not good for you. You can feel an extreme amount of love for someone, yet still let them hurt you. Hurting over love isn’t something you should feel ashamed about. Love is one of the most common human emotions and can be one of the most empowering and amazing feelings.
But how do you know you’re in love? The answer is, I don’t think anyone really does. You create a relationship between two people, and then you’re left with “Is this what love feels like?” “Is this really love?” The fact is, I spent the first couple of weeks trying to put my emotions and mind in tune. Love gives you such an overwhelming feeling and compassion for someone that it’s hard to explain. Yes, I may still be young and naive, but I do believe that I have experienced some sort of ‘love.’
Seen as this blog is also a reflection of my own personal thoughts and feelings, I feel like I have been wrapped up in my emotions so much that it is more than just loving someone. It’s genuinely caring about them. Thriving off being there for them. Thriving off making them happy and contributing towards their smile. As cliche as it may sound, it is the most overwhelming feeling to be so in love with someone that as soon as they’re gone, it hurts. It hurts because you can’t be there for them. You can’t thrive off making them happy anymore, because you secretly don’t. You can’t bring yourself to be apart of their life anymore, because they don’t want you. The thing with love is that it doesn’t always go both ways. You truly don’t know the extent of love someone has for you. But ironically, knowing the scale of your love for someone else is the most liberating feeling.
I believe the idea that “You never truly stop loving someone” is true. Funnily enough, if you really love someone you can’t bring yourself to really hate them, because a part of you will always thrive off loving them. Love doesn’t die. It’s as simple as that. If it does, it was never love in the first place. Now, I’m not talking about the chemistry between two individuals in a relationship. Of course that chemistry is going to evaporate in certain relationships. But you never stop caring. You never stop wanting to love them.
People make love more complicated than it has to be. If you love someone, it should be celebrated not made complicated. So many people miss the chance to say “I love you” due to other factors, but love is love. In every situation, it will always be the most powerful feeling. Don’t think I take the feeling of ‘love’ lightly. It takes a lot for me to really put my feelings into someone which I guess is why I have been single nearly all my life.
It takes me a lot to fall in love, and I’ll admit that I’ve only really fallen in love once with an individual. Sure, I love my friends and family, but I think you can agree that falling in love with those relations in your life is different to really falling in love with someone. Now, a lot of people may open me up to scrutiny about this. “It wasn’t love.” “You just want the idea of love.” And that couldn’t be anymore opposite to the truth. I never met this person thinking I’d ever fall in love with them as much as I did, or to even love them at all. But that’s the thing about love. You see things in someone that no one else sees. You look deeper into their personality and life, exploring things that not even they know about themselves. I spent my whole relationship with this person wanting to see them happy. Wanting to be there. And caring about them more than I’ve ever cared about anyone so much before and honestly, I don’t know why I felt so differently about this person. I fell so in love with their uniqueness, and how despite what everyone else saw and viewed this person as, they had a much more deeper significance in this world than even they discovered which is what I guess made me fall in love with them even more. They had more potential in this world than they gave themselves credit for, and I can guarantee their life will be full of great and amazing things that they never believed they would ever achieve.
Sure, I’ve been quizzed on why I don’t hate this person. Why despite all the heartbreak and hurt they caused me, I still have the upmost respect and compassion for said individual. And I realised why. It’s not me being naive. And it’s not me being weak. Love doesn’t just end. You don’t wake up one day and think, “You know what? I don’t love this person anymore.” Because in reality, you always will. A part of you will always hold onto that love which meant a lot to you at one time. And if a love just ends? It was never truly love. But don’t get me wrong, you can love someone and not be with them. That’s the sad reality of it all. There are a lot of people who love each other who aren’t together, and there are a lot of people who don’t love each other who are together. Sometimes we just have to explore deeper into our emotions and open up about them more. If it’s love, you’ll know it is. You’ll care. You’ll thrive off being there for them. You’ll want to be in their life. But I’ve realised that love is also a very personal emotion, and no one can ever take your feelings of love for someone away from you.
I guess that’s why break ups hurt. That love is still there, but you can’t feel like you can love. You hide it. You try to pretend that it’s not there. You can still love someone, but you realise the other person never really loved you. They block you out. You can no longer care for them as much as you want to. You’re left in the dark with overwhelming emotions that you just want to lock away, but you can’t. Or, they’re hiding their love too. My advice with love is to always follow your heart. Never give up on something you love if it is truly meant to be. Love finds a way of working itself out in the end. Alternatively, if it’s not meant to be, then sometimes a love you have for someone is just meant to be stored away- as another part of your life journey.
According to Alessia Cara lyrics, “love brings you flowers then it builds your coffins.”
Love is the most natural, yet confusing, feeling in the world. Never ignore it. This is just another step towards your healing heart.
Love and happiness always,
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