body positivity | Empowerment | General blog posts | Me & my life | Mental health | relationships

Why I’m single

By on August 20, 2017

I don’t know how to start this post in all honesty, so I’m just going to go ahead and do what I do best. Ramble.

I have written a lot of relationship themed posts on here, but nothing like this one. It’s no secret that I spend my life, thinking… and then over-thinking; and tonight was one of those nights. I managed to come to some sort of conclusion as to why I don’t like getting into relationships, seeking relationships, or even speaking to anyone. I simply don’t feel good enough, and I’ll explain why.

Getting into a relationship with someone who has mental health issues is tough, i’ll be first to admit that. And I’m a handful. Despite the fact that I am generally a happy, bubbly and a cheerful person with the most dorky personality- sometimes I can get very sad. Sometimes I can tear into myself. And it’s not fair on anyone else.

I often look back on my days and think, “Did I do that right,” or, “What if I caused more harm than good?” I want to be a positive influence, and a source of change, somehow, but I feel like I’m doing the opposite.

I’ve been in a lot of toxic relationships, including friendships in general. Someone seeing the vulnerable side to me genuinely frightens me, but it’s there. It’s a part of me, yet it doesn’t define me as a person. No, I’m not sad all the time. No I’m not self-conscious all the time. But there’s time’s like this where I am, and I can be.

For years, I’ve struggled with my appearance and feeling comfortable in my own body. I occasionally see myself as a nothingness, I have no unique or ‘stand out’ features. I don’t fit in with the stereotypical idea of beauty, neither do I fit in with the quirky styles of beauty. I occasionally eat, and then regret eating. I look at my features and pin point certain bits that don’t match my own ‘image.’ I tear myself up piece by piece until there is nothing left of me. And I go back to being a ‘nothingness’ again.

Maybe I put myself down too much. But it’s better than anyone else seeing me like this. I am a generally positive person. I laugh. I joke. I occasionally come out with the most wacky things, because I have a weird sort of personality. Most of the time I embrace being me. I embrace my flaws, and my big thighs, puffy hair and completely dodgy eyes. I embrace my fun personality, and how much I lack common sense. But that’s okay. Sometimes, I feel like I need to remind myself that I’m not going to be perfect, never mind be just that for someone else.

Love and happiness always,
xo, Becca

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General blog posts | Me & my life | Mental health | Uncategorized

New beginnings

By on February 22, 2017

I have recently said and done some things that I deeply regret. In all honesty, I’ve spent the last 24 hours beating myself up about those things. I’m the sort of person who completely hates drama, or arguments, or anything in between; but I always seem to find myself getting involved in them… head first… at 50 mph without meaning to.

So what am I going to do about it? What am I going to do to try to sort all this out in my own head and give myself some peace for once? I decided to tackle this by writing it all down here, in this blog post. Because the fact of the matter is that I will make mistakes. I will do things that I regret. I’ll sit there and think, “come on Becca, just stop.” I’ll just start again.

I am far from perfect. I don’t ever claim to be, and I don’t ever claim to have everything in check all the time. I don’t think I would be human if I did everything right. I have feelings, and sometimes feelings and emotion can get the better of me (as much as I try not to let it).

I want to leave the past in the past so incredibly much, yet something always seems to happen to bring it back to present day. It’s like something that I can’t seem to get rid of, and it worms it’s way back in. One thing after another. Constantly.

I vowed that 2017 would be a year of new beginnings. Motivation. Practice. Peace. And looking after myself first and foremost for once ! And in most ways, that has been the case. I am incredibly proud and humbled with everything that I have achieved this year already- and I am incredibly proud of being able to acknowledge what, and who, is good or bad for my health.

But like I said, I can’t be in check all the time. If someone claims to be perfect all the time and never admits to making mistakes, don’t believe them. It is a basic human trait. You have to make mistakes, to learn. You have to regret things, to vow never to do them again. You have to mess up sometimes so you can bounce back as a stronger and better you.

I feel like I am constantly screaming over who I am. I feel constantly misunderstood, or judged like people know the background reasoning behind my actions. Why I do things. Why I say things. When in all honesty, I don’t think even I have an explanation regarding some of my actions. If you think you know me, you most probably don’t; even I’m still trying to work that part out. But my mistakes do not make me a bad person. They do not undermine the fundamental factors about myself that I seem to want to embrace the most. They do not define me.

I am brave enough to sit here and admit to my mistakes. To look back at actions that I regret and realise why I messed up that one time. But here’s to new beginnings. Here’s to my new job, my new friends, starting the gym. Here’s to recovery and looking after my own mental health first and foremost. And you know what? Here’s to embracing who I am; despite all my mistakes. Because I’m human, and I’m proud of not claiming otherwise.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Me & my life | Uncategorized

'Get to know me' tag!

By on July 10, 2016


So, while the whole blogging experience is currently new to me at the moment, I figured what better way to give you guys an insight into my life than to do a ‘Get to know me’ tag which consists of 25 general questions about me and my life. So here it goes!

  1. What is your middle name? Jayne
  2. What is your favourite colour? At the moment, I’m obsessed with lilac or baby pink but my favourite colour changes constantly 
  3. How tall are you? Funnily enough, I actually don’t know. Around 5’3 maybe??
  4. Cats or Dogs? Hmmm, dogs?
  5. How many countries have you visited? 4- Canada, Portugal, France and Germany
  6. Are you in/gone to college? I’ve just finished college after 2 years
  7. What was your favourite/worst subject in High School? Worst subject was either Maths or Science because I was just…….. terrible
  8. What is your favourite drink? I don’t really have a favourite that stands out to me really, but if I could say any it would be a good ol’ cuppa tea :)))
  9. What is your favourite animal? GIRAFFES / OTTERS / DUCKS / PENGUINS / ELEPHANTS / BASICALLY ANYTHING THAT YOU WOULD FIND IN A ZOO
  10. What is your favourite perfume? Not that I’m being biased or anything…. but ARI by Ariana Grande by far!
  11. Tea or Coffee? TEA TEA TEA TEA TEA EVERY TIME, ESPECIALLY SEEN AS I HATE COFFEE OOPS
  12. What would you (or have you) name your children? Funnily enough, I don’t have a desire to ever have kids so I haven’t really thought about it
  13. What is your favourite book? JANE EYRE BY FAR, IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY IT’S A MUST READ !!!
  14. What is your favourite movie? Shaun Of The Dead… classic
  15. Are you Single or Taken? Single
  16. Whats your idea of an ideal first date? GOING TO THE ZOO, GOING ON A WALK… BASICALLY I DON’T CARE IF IT COSTS YOU NOTHING JUST PUT A LOT OF THOUGHT INTO IT AND MAKE IT MEMORABLE
  17. How many Girlfriends/Boyfriends have you had? One
  18. Do you speak any different languages and how well? I am tragic at speaking other languages, but I can speak minimal French and German
  19. Do you have any siblings? Yes, 2 younger sisters
  20. How would you describe your fashion sense? My wardrobe mainly consists of black clothes. That’s all I’m gonna say.
  21. What is your favourite restaurant? Anywhere that sells pizza. Don’t give me anything fancy, just give me pizza and chips and I’ll be happy
  22. What are some of your favorite tv shows? Wow okay- The Walking Dead / Pretty Little Liars / Bates Motel / Dexter / Gossip Girl
  23. PC or mac? Mac every time
  24. What phone do you have? (iOS v Android?) iPhone 6 in space grey
  25. Tell us one of your bad habits! Eating ice. It’s actually so bad. But eating ice.

As random as those questions where, I hope that gave you an insight into my life, my likes and dislikes and me in general. If you have any additional questions you would like to ask me, feel free to leave them in the comment box below this post.

As always, try to be as happy as possible and have a good day!

xo, Becca

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Want 20% off your order at Coconut-Lane? Use the code ‘beccajayne20’ at the checkout to redeem…. go on! Why not treat yourself?

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