Empowerment | Me & my life | Mental health | relationships

A note to myself

By on April 29, 2018

Hi, hello. Once again, it’s been nearly two months since I last wrote my previous blog post; and personally, I feel like it’s two months too long. I have been meaning to get back into the swing of blogging for a while now, but I feel like before I do, there’s some things that need updating and need addressing.

So bare with me in this post. I want to make this as mentally healing for me, and it may be for you reading this. I want it to be pure, from the heart, and just genuine. No ‘beating around the bush,’ just purely reality.

For starters, I haven’t been in the best place recently and in the best head space. In all honesty, I have spent the best part of a month feeling marginalised and isolated- which is no one’s fault, but my own. Well, not exactly a ‘fault’ more like a ripple effect of my anxious behaviour recently. I have struggled with friendships, maintaining friendships and overall, getting to grips with the reality of everyone’s perceptions regarding myself. I have spent more time hating myself, rather than the opposite. And that needs to change.

I have touched on my blog previously about how I handle friendships, and people in my life in general. And one thing I’ve forgotten recently is how to embrace me. I need to stop being apologetic for who I am, and start embracing what I am. I’m human, with feelings, emotions, and someone who when it comes down to it, cares… a lot. That’s not a flaw, rather something that needs to be shown. Ultimately, my friends are my friends because of who I am. And that goes for everyone. You know yourself if you’re a part of a healthy relationship, or a toxic one. Take a healthy friendship for example; they’re some of the best human relationships around and should be kept.

I also recently had a friend who drifted back into my life, just at a time when I was at my lowest points. At a time where I felt like I had no one. I was empty, lost, and confused. But nevertheless, I went for it and it was one of the best things I’ve done this year. Because although there may be a lot of rebuilding that needs to be done, I am excited and optimistic about having someone else important in my life. And although I may make out like I don’t feel, the reality is that I cherish friendships. And this one is definitely staying cherished.

As for my career, I don’t think I give myself enough credit for how far I have come in the past year. I went from being in a crappy part-time job where I constantly felt like I wasn’t good enough, to finding an okay job where I feel comfortable. I literally speak to strangers constantly day in and day out, and despite having crippling social anxiety only two years ago; I can sit here and say I did it. Of course there are days where I don’t feel like speaking to anyone, and from time to time I do still suffer from panic attacks in public. But I’ve pushed myself and reached limits I never believed would ever be achievable.

But that isn’t the best bit. I recently scored (yes, I just said scored!) an apprenticeship in a sector that I genuinely love and have done before I could remember. Meet a new ‘budding’ digital marketer. I finally became in control of my career and life… and just went for it. And, here I am. If you take anything away from this blog post, it would be to take risks as daunting and as terrifying as they may seem. I was reluctant to even apply, but despite being so down about not knowing what I want to do with my life over the past three years, I finally do and I couldn’t be anymore excited.

And as for relationships, I’m pretty damn proud of myself for knowing what I deserve and never settling for anything less than that. I’ve found that looking after myself is key, and toxic people can come in all shapes and forms. I’m proud of myself for not letting the fact that I was cheated on in the past control my future perceptions of someone else. I’m proud of myself for being confident enough to say- this is me, and if you don’t want that then jog on. I will not be apologetic for what I look like, how I act or what quirkiness I have because someone will appreciate that someday. I have spent too much of my life comparing myself to others and thinking “no one will ever love me,” because realistically, we all want to be loved for who we are.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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General blog posts | Me & my life

I have something to explain…

By on March 4, 2018

So, it’s been a long time since I last posted on here; so naturally, there is a lot to update on. If you’re not familiar with my blog, or my writing, you may not know that my blog is a positive, safe environment for myself to write my thoughts. To express myself. And to talk about certain topics I wouldn’t normally feel comfortable in talking about.

Nevertheless, I have been gone for a while. Duh. However, I’ve felt like a part of me has been missing for a while. And it’s this blog. So, like any other good ol’ blog post, I’m going to use this space to rant, express, and just update you on what has been going on.

For starters, my mental health took a turn for the worst. I know a lot of people talk about it (yas, we NEED to educate!), and yes, I know it can get repetitive. But I don’t want to hide the facts. I’ve felt extremely alone, tired, marginalised and it’s made me physically ill. Certain situations have occurred that I won’t go in to, and it’s made me have to take a step back. Honestly, it’s been challenging. I’m physically scared about ending up back in the place I was 2 years ago. I’ve been scared to tell anyone about it so I can avoid judgement. It’s been tough, but here I am.

I also forgot to mention that I am in the process of writing my first book. At the start of this year, I made it my main goal to publish my book by the end of this year, and to have all my thoughts, feelings, and emotions to be heard by everyone else. Normally I keep my feelings quite private, but there’s something vulnerable and empowering about sharing my life and my head space with everyone else. From boys, to relationships, to mental health, to empowerment in general. I’m finally becoming proud of my writing, and my quirky personality trait of being able to deeply feel.

Talking of boys, I always like to do a mini section on my blog about what’s going on in that area of my life. If you have read my blog before, you will know that I went through a hard break up nearly 2 years ago, and this blog helped the healing process. I don’t think I ever told you how empowering it felt to totally be over someone, and a situation after so long. About 6 months ago, I realised that those who truly want you in their life will never put themselves in a position to loose you. And I’ve had that countess amount of times. Which leads me onto where I am now.

I am still single, and I have always liked it that way. Even though I like to make out that I’m emotionless, heartless, and don’t feel for anyone… the reality is, I am the total opposite to all of those factors. I do feel. A lot. And that’s why it makes it so hard when it comes to boys & relationships. Yes, I’m extremely cautious. Ultimately, I don’t want to get hurt again. I don’t want another relationship or encounter, to be tossed aside at the end of it and have mind games in between. I simply know what I deserve now, however. And I never like to settle for anything less than that. But at the same time, I need tor realise that there is nothing wrong with feeling emotion for someone else. Because naturally, I make out that none of it matters, when it really does… to me.

I am really good at hiding my feelings. Or at least I think I am. I could really like someone, and I could act like the total opposite. Now, me liking someone is rare as it is. In all honesty, I normally talk to someone for a matter of days, and if I don’t feel in my gut that it’s right, I call it off straight away. And that has been true of pretty much every boy encounter that I’ve had in the past year and a half. I suck when it comes to boys. I am picky, but I also don’t like to settle for second best. It’s not fair on them, or me. But ultimately, I could like you; and then friend zone you right back. It’s like it’s a natural instinct of mine to stop people getting so close to me. And I hurt myself in the process. I like to think I’m confident enough to make the first move, and a good 7 out of 10 times I do. But there’s always those extra 3 situations in which I can’t do it. I’m scared of judgement ultimately, and I think that’s also due to a lack of self confidence. I don’t see myself as anything unique, or special. Rather, as someone that no one would ever want to see in that way. I’m strong, but I’m also vulnerable. And that’s my vulnerable side.

When it comes to friendships, I have begun to realise that I’m better on my own at times. I have a group of amazing friends who I value as individuals, and I like to keep it small and close knit. Anyone else who takes advantage of me, or who isn’t a healthy part of my life anymore will have to stay outside that circle. And as much as that upsets me as I love having people I’m close to, I know it has to be done for my own mind, and for me as a person.

Once again, I know and understand this was a long and rambled post. But would I be me if I did anything less? I’m hoping to post more on here again as I grow mentally stronger, and conquer everything that’s going on at the moment. But in the meantime, I also have a YouTube channel that you can check out if ‘ya like.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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General blog posts | Me & my life | Uncategorized

A letter to myself

By on November 26, 2016

I think we sometimes forget how short life actually is. It seems like people tel me all the time to make the most of my life while I’m 18 because it simply flies by.

I’m the sort of person who likes to live without any regrets. t’s pretty ironic for someone who seems to dwell over certain situations and over analyse their outcomes, but I don’t think there can be a more accurate life philosophy.

Good or bad, everything you do and everything that happens to you happens for a reason. I’m a strong believer in this and I think this is one of the most powerful factors when it comes to me not living life with constant regret.

I hope I can look back on my life in 50 years and think “Wow.” To be honest with you, I don’t even know what career path I want to choose for certain yet. I;m honestly just living. I’m young. I have so many years left, and for the moment I’m ticking things off my bucket list that I have aspired to do for so long.

I don’t know if I’m typing this out rapidly on my keyboard at 12am because I’m running on 4 hours of sleep and I’m exhausted. But honestly, just live. I think we all forget that we are simply alive and we are made to live. We are made to experience all angles of life, and sometimes they can be more beneficial to us than we first think.

I can’t, and won;t, sit here and say I haven’t made mistakes. I’m human, there’s going to be times when I mess up and beat myself up for it. But sometimes we dwell on mistakes too long and spend our lives stuck in the past instead of the here and now. Everything that has happened in my past has been a learning curve for me. People have had it worse than me, but I have still had my own unique learning experiences that I like to turn into a positive.

The main message that I want to send myself is to just feel alive. Embrace your flaws and mistakes. Make the most f every moment. Every laughter, every tear, every experience good or bad. But with that, stay true. Stay humble and kind throughout. As well as making myself proud in 50 years time, I hope I make the people around me proud too.

Love and happiness always,
xo, Becca

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Empowerment | General blog posts | Me & my life | Motivation | Uncategorized

An exploding, happy heart

By on October 12, 2016


I figured I would write this blog post now while I’m in this liberating mindset rather than wait until tomorrow even though it’s 1am and my eyes are shutting as I’m typing this.

However, I feel as though happiness is something that deserves to be expressed and shared. In a world full of such negative energy, sometimes it’s good to have that contrast and to talk about something other than all the negative and upsetting things this world has to offer at the moment.

Nevertheless, I wanted to write this post from a place of genuine happiness. From a place of someone who is finally coming into their own, and a place of reflection above anything else. If you have followed my blog for the past 3 months, you may have become aware of the fact that I’m an avid thinker. I spend my life thinking, overthinking, and analysing everything and anything.

Whilst thinking about everything tonight, I immediately became overwhelmed with a sudden feeling of pure happiness, something which is always my goal to achieve. If I’m going to be completely honest, I never would have thought 3 weeks ago that I would be sat here writing a post about happiness. If any of you read my blog posts from then, a few of them where quite muffled and not my usual style of writing. I was in a pretty bad state, and I think my blog posts at the time where a reflection of that unfortunately. I was in a bad place emotionally, and probably the worst I’ve been, ever. It became a task for me to leave the house, and it felt like the whole world was slowly suffocating me.

It was honestly difficult for me to pick myself back up and decide to keep working towards being genuinely happy again. When you’re in that draining mindset, it tends to keep sucking you in more and more. My moods tend to switch over periods of time, and that’s something which scares me about my anxiety. I can be strong for months, and then crumble in the space of a day.

But here I am. I’m still here, and I’m a lot calmer. After reflecting on everything, I decided to keep moving forward and to try to get myself back on track again.

You know that kind of happiness where you sit there and just smile, but also want to cry at the same time? That’s how overwhelmed I’m feeling at the moment. If any of you follow me on Twitter or Instagramyou may have noticed that a lot of my pictures involve me smiling more; and I think that says it all. After trying to pretend to everyone around me these past couple of weeks that I’m totally fine, I have come back with genuine smiles and a genuine sense of me again.

It’s never too late to pick yourself up from a fall. It’s never too late to put yourself back on track and continue to get to where you want to go in life. I view these past couple of weeks as a ‘bump in the road’ sort of thing- something I managed to overcome, and something I’m sure I can, and will, overcome again next time.

Nothing seems to phase me at the moment. You could honestly say what you want about me, and I won’t sit there and worry about it for a good week and make myself ill. I think that just proves how much my mind has revamped itself in the past week, and I’m incredibly happy and relieved to be in a good, positive, healthy place again.

So here I am. My blog has, and always will be, a personal reflection of my life, my state of mind and everything in between. I plan to share everything here, because it’s my own personal space in the corner of the internet. Although this post was pretty personal, I feel so much better for getting it out there- even if 2 people read this post. Because the fact of the matter is that happiness deserves to be celebrated, and progress deserves to be recognised. This post won’t just act as a reminder for myself when I’m at a low point again, but also to anyone else who is in a similar frame of mind like how I was 2-3 weeks ago.

Treat this as a ‘bump in the road’ and never waver from the long term goal of happiness. Although it may not be achievable all the time, it certainly is achievable and not impossible.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Me & my life | Motivation | Uncategorized

Why I chose to revamp my life

By on August 14, 2016

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Life is funny isn’t it? We spend our lives being our own individual self with our own personalities, likes and dislikes. A couple of months ago especially, was when I decided it was time to revamp my life and give myself a new perspective on life in general.

I decided that it was time for a change- and that includes a change in myself and my mindset. I’ve always been quite a sensitive person, but I’d like to think that over the past month or so; I have slowly formed a ‘thicker skin’ and not let things get to me as much as they used to. Of course, I still get hurt and upset about some things; but certainly not as much as I used to. I’m so glad that I’m at a point where I’m so confident in myself, that other perceptions of me simply don’t matter anymore.

I always used to look at people and be like, “How can I be as confident as you? Why can’t I have no insecurities and be like the ‘confident’ people?” In fact, I read this from one of my diary entries from January of this year when I was feeling low one night. I soon realised that the only person who can be in charge of my self confidence is me. Fast forward nearly 8 months and I have never been so confident and empowered in my own body. Considering I hated looking at myself in the mirror three months ago (sounds like a cliche, but trust me it was bad), I am at a point now where I’m happy to go swimming because my body is my own and I’m super proud of it.

When it comes to communicating with people in general, I love it. I thrive off meeting new people, and making new friends. I realised that I not only want to surround myself with people, but positive influences in my life. That meant separating myself from people who are simply toxic and who I don’t need around me. Trust me, having the strength to do that is the best decision I ever made. I now have the bestest friends I could ever wish for in my life (personal shoutout to Caitlin, Richard, Chloe, Myah, Alex, Callum, Jess, Georgia, Koryn and co; you all know who you are). I’m also constantly adding new amazing people into my life, and it’s so uplifting to have people who accept me, for me. 

When I say I couldn’t be happier with my life at the moment, I mean it. I am so overwhelmed with my progress and how much work I have mentally put in to be this happy and calm. And why I chose to revamp my life? Because I soon began to realise that my life is my own, and no one else’s. I am my own longest commitment at the end of the day; so why not make my life the best it can be? I want to be nothing but kind and compassionate to others. I want to forgive, but not be naive. I want to be proud of the person I’m becoming, and I want to keep doing better and being better.

So what’s next for me? The simple answer is, I don’t know. But I know that I will continue to be the best person I can be. I don’t care how cliche that sounds, but I have realised over the past few months that I can be whoever I want to be, and even though my personal goals may change again in another few months, where I am now is the best place I’ve ever been.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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