Mental health | Uncategorized

Anxiety in relationships and the workplace

By on August 7, 2016


Okay Becca, breathe.

This is undoubtedly going to be one of the most personal, and hardest, blog posts to write if anything; because it is the reason behind my biggest downfalls as a person- how my anxiety affects me in relationships and in the workplace.

It’s no secret that I am quite a sensitive person as it is. Mix that in with anxiety, and we have breakdown after breakdown in a relationship. Dear my future partner: good luck.

I don’t think I have ever openly sat here and spoke about how bad my anxiety can get in relationships. I am incredibly worried about people in my life leaving me as it is, and that is no different in relationships. It’s hard to admit that you constantly feel like you’re not good enough for the person you love. I mean, it’s me. Why would anyone want to commit to me? 

I constantly worry and have panic attacks over not being good enough. I constantly worry about my partner finding someone better, and me not being enough. I want to be good enough for them. I want to be the best girlfriend I can be, I want to put them first and care for them so unbelievably much. Even though I do just that, I feel like that’s not enough. I mean, I view myself as such a ‘burdern,’ so how could anyone possibly love me? Wow, what a foreign concept.

I worry about it so much that it puts a strain on my relationship. It’s so much emotional stress being put on my partner, over something I can’t help.

It’s a constant mental battle of, “He’s going to leave me. I want to tell him, but I can’t. What if I tell him how I really feel and he leaves me?” Even writing this now I have a lump in a throat thinking about the amount of emotional strain that my anxiety puts me under in relationships. And the saddest thing about it all? I physically can’t help it.

Paranoid? No. I’ve sat and thought about this more in depth than a lot of things. The most ironic thing, is that I still trust my partner. I still trust that they love me enough to not leave me unless necessary. I still trust them enough to know that when they tell me I’m good enough, maybe I am just that.

See what I mean by a constant emotional battle? It’s a constant battle between thoughts that are ‘irrational,’ but seem totally real to me, and what I know is actually happening.

To conclude this, I’m going to put my hands up and admit that how I feel in relationships has put such a strain on the people I love. The saddest thing is that I try not to think about it, and I try not to have panic attacks over it. This may seem completely ‘psycho’ to anyone who hasn’t experienced anxiety in relationships, but I know it’s not just me who experiences this.

My advice to you if you feel like this in a relationship? Trust your partner, and if you need to talk to them, talk to them. Don’t let your anxiety put even more strain on yourself, and your relationship, more than it already might be,

And on the flipside, if you’re dating someone with anxiety (especially in your relationship), the number one thing you can do is to be reassuring. Yeah, it may get tiring. But if you really want to fight for your relationship and your partner, then it will be worth it. In fact, I read the perfect thing that would fit with this idea yesterday:

Don’t give up on somebody with a mental illness. You’re finding it hard to be [with] them? They’re finding it harder, I promise.

And now the good old, ‘anxiety in the workplace.’ If handing in your CV, going through the interview process, talking on the phone to your boss, and doing the whole training process at work wasn’t bad enough, my anxiety still likes to pop up and say hello.

I work as a waitress in a tea room so I’m serving food and drinks to customers on a weekly basis. For me, talking to people makes me feel extra anxious. Don’t get me wrong, I love people, I love interacting with people and exploring their lives and just having a general chat. But it makes it extra hard to do that, especially if you’re having a bad anxiety day and you feel on edge.

To be completely honest, I love my job. It gives me great experience, and forces me to be put in uncomfortable positions and see the day through. However, like everything else, it can all get too much.

It was only the other day actually where I had a panic attack in work due to my anxiety. I had been having constant panic attacks all Friday, so I didn’t feel too good either when I got up for work on that Saturday. Regardless, I always say that I will not let my anxiety stop me from doing things, so I went to work as usual.

Little did I know, that even spilling a bit of tea could make me nearly cry. Yes, I nearly cried over tea. I nearly cried over the embarrassment of dropping a bit of tea, and the good old wow, you’re not even good enough to serve a pot of tea.’

Just like worrying over my partner wanting to leave me in relationships, I get worried over being sacked in work. In fact, I’ve pretty much got it in my head that my workplace is going to sack me and I’m so hopeless, even though I know that that’s not the case and I’m doing just fine at my job.

Regardless, I am getting better at handling my anxiety in relationships and the workplace. I am still yet to adjust to the constant negative thoughts, and turning them into a positive.

More than anything, I am worried that I will put up this blog post and people will think I’m a ‘paranoid freak who doesn’t deserve a boyfriend or a job.’ And you know what? That couldn’t be further from the truth. The whole point of this post was mainly to speak up about this and once again, stop the negative stigma that surrounds mental illness. If anyone knows me, they’ll know that I try to be the most positive and happiest person I can be. I see my anxiety as a pain, and something that lingers… not something that defines my whole mind. I deserve to be loved just as anyone else, because I know how to love and not just be a constant annoyance due to my anxiety… something may I add again, I cannot help; trust me I hate it as much as you do.

I’m trying, one step at a time. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been right now, and hopefully that will reflect in my next relationship- whenever that may be, who knows.

Bottom line: my anxiety will not stop me from working hard at my job, just as it will not stop me from finding a relationship where my anxiety episodes are accepted just as much as everything else about me should be.

Do you have similar experiences in relationships or the workplace? Leave your thoughts in the comment box below!

Love & happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Motivation | Uncategorized

Seeing your own potential and aiming for your dream job

By on August 4, 2016


There’s 7.4 billion people who currently exist in this world. All with different beliefs. All with different goals. All who view themselves differently and who each have their own unique place in this world. Some of which have become well known names, some who may be your local shopkeeper or store assistant at your local clothes store. Scary right?

However, I have realised that a large number of people in this world fail to see their own potential- including myself. I have recently left college and finished doing A Levels. I have no wish to study at university yet, so I’m having a year out. When I first left college, I was worried about how I was going to spend this year off and what I was going to do with my life. After all, there’s so many opportunities out there, but am I really good enough for any of them?

Granted, I now know what I want to do now and have a desire for achieving my own goals.I want to go into journalism, keep writing blog posts, and just using blogging as a platform to express myself and make a change in this utterly dark and negative world. I’m starting to find my own potential, and it’s one of the most liberating feelings.

However, this blog post is about you finding your potential if you haven’t found it yet. In fact, I knew someone who I used to be close to in my life who didn’t know their own potential. They believed they were destined for a lot less than what they deserved, which could’t be further from the truth. They put themselves down and didn’t see how special they are to this world. And guess what? You’re exactly the same.

Look at the bigger picture for a moment. Look at your amazing qualities, and what you love doing. Maybe you love putting your thoughts into writing like me, want to make a change in this world, or even something as simple as loving sport, fashion or music. The world is your oyster. There are so many amazing opportunities out there, you just have to be determined and grab them.Determinism is key. It may sound like such a cliche, but if you think about it, you can do anything if you put your mind to it. In my opinion, this is your own life and you only live it once. Grab opportunities and live with no regrets.

Want to know a secret? Nothing is impossible. Trust me, it took a long time for me to realise this too. I used to think that I would never create a blog because I’m not good enough. I got put off being a music artist manager because I believed that I wasn’t good enough. I had such a negative outlook without actually realising that no one is perfect. Everything you do is a learning process, and you get better every day, so don’t think you’re not good enough at something that you aspire to do.

Start from today. Work on a plan. Google your dream job, or work on opening that independent shop you’ve wanted to for so long. You can do anything if it’s what you really want. No excuses. Just do it. The worst thing that can happen is you don’t reach for your life aspirations, and you live your life in regret… and who really wants to live their life with regrets?

Feel free to also comment below your dream job, or your goals that you aim to achieve in the next couple of years. This is a massive world with so many great chances, you just have to take risks and do what you’ve always wanted to. Know your potential- because you have more to offer this world than you think.

Need advice on anything? Whether it’s needing some motivation, relationship advice, or just advice in general; feel free to inbox me on Tumblr! I am so excited to start dedicating one day a week on my blog to start responding to your questions on needing advice- and spread a bit of love and positivity! (Please note: You will remain completely anonymous).

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Mental health | Uncategorized

Mental health stigma, why does it still exist?

By on August 2, 2016


It’s 1am and I have become so utterly annoyed / angry and irritated by the lack of mental health resources there is, and by how much it’s stigmatised.

For me personally, it’s wrong and upsetting that there are still people out there who are scared to talk about their mental health issues because they’re scared of being judged, or scared about everyone labelling them as something they’re not.

After struggling with bad anxiety for a couple of years now, it took me a lot to come out and tell everyone around me what I was experiencing. I was physically scared about them jumping to conclusions and not believing how severe my mental state was, and to some point is.

When it comes to anxiety in general, my favourite ones to be told are “you’re being stupid,” “just stop thinking about it,” “you’ll stop worrying about it tomorrow.” Mate, I’ve been worrying about my friends hating me and not wanting me anymore for over a year now… I don’t think it’ll pass by tomorrow somehow. And as for just forgetting about it, well, that really speaks volumes. Have you ever thought in that small minded brain of yours that maybe, just maybe, I’ve tried that about a thousand times and it hasn’t worked? Thanks for the advice though.

There are still people nowadays that see people with mental illnesses as complete loonitics who are “psycho” and should be in a mental asylum. Thanks for that. Want to know the reality of it all? The fact that, believe it or not, we’re not all depressed all the time, and we do have things in our life that makes us so happy. Ironic to you maybe?

For the record, I apologise for the amount of sarcasm in this post, but you know, it has to be done.

Okay so it’s 2016. People are becoming more aware of mental illness issues. People are now covering it more on social media. People are now helping to decrease the stigma. But with that, comes some people who think having “anxiety” or “depression” is cute. You know them pictures that totally romanticise what it’s like having an anxiety attack? The one where a model is lying on a nicely made bed with mascara running down their cheeks? Like this one for example.


Gosh I wish my hair, face and nails looked that good mid anxiety attack.

The reality of it all is being keeled over the toilet because you physically feel like you’re going to throw up. Or being so drained you can’t move, and feeling so ill you can’t manage more than 1 meal a day. It’s me having to force myself to go to lesson in college even though I’d been having a panic attack 10 minutes beforehand.

Open your eyes. 1 in 4 people in the UK experience some sort of mental health encounter in their life. Think of how many millions of people that is? This is going on all around us DAILY, and we still fail to understand and educate ourselves on something so serious.

Mental illness isn’t a joke, or something for you to roll your eyes at when people try to raise the awareness- it just shows the ignorance that surrounds the topic. Or for you to not listen to what it’s like to suffer from a mental illness because “it doesn’t concern you.”

Your mind and body are so precious and it’s about time we realised that we should look after that first and foremost. We can’t ignore these issues any longer. The fact that it can take 6 months to get mental health help from the NHS for even children as young as 10 genuinely upsets me. And that’s coming from someone who thinks our NHS is a blessing and which I am thankful for. BUT more needs to be done, and we can be the ones to do just that.

If you don’t take anything else away from this post, I hope you at least recognise how important it is that we don’t stigmatise mental health issues and that we’re less judgemental of them. There’s nothing worse than crying out for help from your “friends” and being told you’re being completely stupid and you can’t just think of sad things. Can I bang my head against a wall yet? This is such a reoccurring theme.

If you suffer any type of mental illness, don’t be scared to find the help and seek it. It’s just sad that we have to “find” the help we need, rather than it being there and easily accessible. I’m sure if you had a broken leg you’d know where to go to get it fixed. A broken mind is a different story, however.

“Be the change you want to see” and I won’t stop being open about my mental illness experience until enough awareness is raised to decrease the stigma that surrounds it. ALL mental illnesses should be made aware of. That includes anxiety, depression, OCD, schizophrenia, post traumatic stress disorder, bipolar, alcohol abuse, eating disorders, insomnia, borderline personality disorder, only to name a few. ALL should be raised awareness to, not just a select few.

I’m not a psycho. I’m not going mad. Most of the time, I’m perfectly happy. But if I have a panic attack, that’s not my fault. I certainly don’t choose to have them. 

If you also need any help, there’s this amazing website called mind.org.uk. They have an A-Z of the reality of all mental illnesses and offer support for sufferers.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Motivation | Uncategorized

Being thankful

By on August 1, 2016


The good in being thankful for everything. It may seem like such a cliche and may be one of the most overused words thrown around, but I think we underestimate how much good it is to be thankful for everything.

Personally, I never used to look at things and take a step back and realise how grateful I had for everything in my life. I don’t know if that was due to the ignorance which went with my age, but over the past year or two especially, I have learnt to be thankful for even the smallest things in the world. Whether it’s being thankful for things in my own life, such as an amazing support system of family and friends, or even being thankful for the sky and nature outside; I’ve learnt that taking notice of the small things in life helps calm your mind and fill your heart with such joy and gratitude.

This blog post may be full of complete cliches, and people who probably think I am a seventeen year old girl who is ‘odd’ for going off on a tangent about how thankful I am for even the sky, but if we think about it, it really is the small things in life. Sometimes it’s good for us all as humans to take a step back, look at the bigger picture of everything and realise that life isn’t as bad as we think it is. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the negative sides of life without paying attention to the positives, but if we all were more thankful for everything that this amazing world gives us, we may find that our mind ends up loving us more for it.

I have learnt especially to be thankful for the people that surrounds me in my life. Sure, people have come and go, but I feel like being grateful for the people in my life helps make me even happier in myself. I have begun to realise that I have such amazing people all around me who deserve to be reminded. Occasionally, I feel the need to pick up my phone, go through my contacts and text my best friends to remind them how thankful I am for even them existing. Seen as at one point in my life I had no friends whatsoever and was totally alone, it’s such a foreign concept to me that I am surrounded by so many amazing friends who genuinely care about me as much as I care about them. I guess that’s why I love making new friends so much. There are so many amazing people in this world who you end up being so thankful for- and at one time, they were total strangers to you. If you take anything away from this blog post, I would want it to be that you hug the people who mean the most to you in this world, and remind them that they’re just that. Not enough people realise what they have- especially until it’s gone.

It’s such a weird concept that everything you have could be gone tomorrow. At the end of the day, we never know what tomorrow might bring, or even next week for that matter. I believe that’s why it is extra important that we realise what we have in the present time. The people who left your life, should not be dwelled on. Sure, you can look at the happy memories, or maybe even rekindle lost relationships. But live for now, look at what you have now, and realise that life can bless is with some of the most inspirational people that we simply couldn’t imagine our life without. Wether that’s friends, family or even your partner; life really is amazing.

I know and understand that a lot of people who read my blog may be going through a hard time at the moment. Whether that’s battling your own mind, going through a relationship break up, or loosing someone you love. If anything, I hope this post helps calm your mind and give you a different perspective of this world. Take it from myself, looking at what you have around you and being so utterly thankful for it that it makes you cry with such gratitude is one of the best and liberating feelings. I have realised that it is so important for my mind to look at the now, and have such love and compassion for the people and things around me that mean the most to me. After all, life really can bless you with some of the most amazing people you would never have imagined would ever enter your life.

Feel free to drop a comment below and let me know what or who you’re thankful for! Take a step back today and remind the people you love the most that you really are thankful for them, or take pictures of the things that make you the happiest such as nature, the sky or the moon. It really will help free and calm your hectic mind.

Need advice on anything? Whether it’s needing some motivation, relationship advice, or just advice in general; feel free to inbox me on Tumblr! I am so excited to start dedicating one day a week on my blog to start responding to your questions on needing advice- and spread a bit of love and positivity! (Please note: You will remain completely anonymous).

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

————————-
Want 20% off your order at Coconut-Lane? Use the code ‘beccajayne20’ at the checkout to redeem…. go on! Why not treat yourself?

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Uncategorized

The reality behind panic attacks

By on July 29, 2016


All in all, today has been quite an up and down day for me. Even though my mind is now the happiest, calmest and most positive it’s ever been, my anxiety still manages to linger- both social and general anxiety.

I go through different spells when it comes to my anxiety. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. Sometimes my ‘every day’ anxiety will be worse, and sometimes my social anxiety will be worse. And today? My social anxiety has really hit me hard.

Like many people, I normally get panic attacks when I feel the most anxious or on edge. I am not one to let my anxiety to stop me doing things, so I was perfectly happy going shopping on my own today and just having a browse. However, whilst in one particular shop, I suddenly started feeling really sick and had trouble breathing.

Even though panic attacks can sometimes be caused by a ‘trigger thought,’ they can come without warning. Sometimes you don’t feel uncomfortable or on edge until the panic attack actually happens.

As I also created this blog to help understand mental illnesses more and to decrease the stigma, I have put together a step by step guide to help someone having a panic attack. Whether you’re a sufferer of panic attacks yourself, or you’re with someone who’s having one, here is a short guide of the best things you can do to help someone in that anxious position:

1. Stay with the person and stay calm: If someone is having a panic attack, the best thing you can do is to also stay calm. Remember, this person isn’t dying even though it may be a scary experience. Make sure you comfort them and just stay with them until their panic attack passes.

2. Move the person to a private place: Take this from me, if a person is having a panic attack, the last thing they need is to be in a public place. Take them somewhere quiet and calm to help them feel more comfortable. If they are having a panic attack due to social anxiety, then they probably don’t want to be around a crowd of people.

3. Don’t be too pushy: If a person you love and care about, you naturally will be concerned. However, try not to be too pushy and talk to them too much. I find that when I have a panic attack, I like to have someone there, but I also like to have my own space. Offer supportive words such as, “I’m proud of you,” “You’re okay,” “Concentrate on your breathing.” Trust me when I say that just being there is enough.

4. Don’t be judgmental: I understand it’s hard to help someone through a panic attack if you’re not even 100% sure as to what’s going on. Regardless though, don’t be judgmental and claim things such as, “You’re being stupid and irrational.” Remember: whatever caused the panic attack was probably rational to whoever experiences it. Don’t jump to conclusions and make the person feel a thousand times worse than they already do.

5. Don’t pressure yourself: I have been in positions where people have been with me when I’ve had a panic attack, and they didn’t know what to do which is totally fine. It’s a natural human reaction to be shocked and not know how to deal with something that is new to you. Just do what you think is best- and be as supportive as possible. I never expect for anyone to know what to do when I’m having a panic attack, but I find that someone just being there and comforting me is enough as it helps to calm me naturally. Don’t feel like you’re going to say the wrong thing, if you care, then you’ll never say the wrong thing.

Panic attacks are genuinely one of the worst things going, especially when there is a lack of knowledge about them and a lot of people jump to conclusions and assume that you’re ‘overreacting’ or ‘in a bad mood.’ With that being said, if you’re ever experiencing a panic attack, I’ve also included a step by step guide with what you can do (especially if you’re on your own):

1. Ring / text friends: I find that when I’m experiencing a panic attack, I feel so consumed by feelings of loneliness and just feeling hopeless. It’s important that you remember that you’re not alone. Ask a friend to try to distract you, maybe ask them to talk to you about why peacocks are such underrated animals… trust me, I’ve had this conversation in the middle of a panic attack and it seemed to work.

2. Put in your earphones and listen to some music: Panic attacks seem to be at it’s worst when I’m in a public place and around a bunch of strangers who I feel are watching me or judging my every mood. In order to distract your mind from thinking this, put on some music. Concentrate on every little detail, the beat, the production, the lyrics. Distracting yourself is the best thing you can do.

3. Breathe: This one may be the most obvious point, but breathing is so incredibly important when it comes to having panic attacks. It helps concentrate your mind on each breath you take, and helps bring you back to earth. There are so many breathing techniques out there, but my counselor told me to count each breath on my arm in accordance to my fingers, or hold onto my stomach and breathe in and out 10 seconds at a time. If you’re walking around in a public place and experiencing a panic attack, sit down and take yourself away from everything for a moment to allow yourself to breathe.

4. Only resume what you’re doing when you’re ready: You have all the time in the world, don’t feel like you need to resume life without being 100% ready to do so. Make sure you’re breathing properly, and that your heart has stopped racing. Consider if going out in public is the best thing to do yet, and look after yourself. Don’t force yourself to go back into the situation that made you feel uncomfortable without being ready, you’ll just go back to square one again.

I have also found with panic attacks that are caused by social anxiety, it is just better to let them happen. Okay, better may not be the best word, but definitely easier. Panic attacks are like an uncontrollable fire, and sometimes you need to just let the fire burn because, believe it or not, a panic attack can help you let go of all your uncontrollable stress and emotions.

And the reality behind panic attacks? They happen. They’re a natural human ‘flight or fight’ response. They can occur to some, and not to others. I tend to find that with my social anxiety, I can go months without hardly having panic attacks, and then have a spell of even having 3 per day.

When I experience a panic attack, I tend to want to be alone. I try to separate myself from the world around me, and just take some time to myself. Whether that’s sitting in my room, or sitting on a bench in public, taking time away from hectic life seems to work for me.

Another key sign that I’m having a panic attack is suddenly feeling so drained and sick. Even though this occurs more in a general anxiety attack than a social anxiety panic attack (oh yes, I find there’s a difference in the levels of panic!), I sometimes find that retreating to the nearest toilet also helps. I mean, you know you’re definitely on your own there and no one will walk in on you (hopefully!)

The scariest thing about panic attacks is that I also become scared about having them. What do I do if I have an anxiety attack in public? What do I do if I have an anxiety attack in work? In fact, I have panic attacks in work all the time which makes it a thousand times harder to serve teas and coffees to customers when you’re scared of… well… people in that moment in time. Seriously anxiety, can’t you leave me alone to work in a comfortable environment?

Above everything else, remember to be kind to yourself. The world may seem like it’s closing in on you, but it’s not. You’re not dying. And you know what, you are okay. It will pass in time. I find that I get more panic attacks when I’m around people who I’m uncomfortable with- and have since cut those people from my life. Put yourself first, and never think that having a panic attack is your fault.

Do you suffer from panic attacks and what works best for you when it comes to calming your mind? Feel free to leave your responses in the comment box below!

Need advice on anything? Whether it’s needing some motivation, relationship advice, or just advice in general; feel free to inbox me on Tumblr! I am so excited to start dedicating one day a week on my blog to start responding to your questions on needing advice- and spread a bit of love and positivity! (Please note: You will remain completely anonymous).

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

————————-

Want 20% off your order at Coconut-Lane? Use the code ‘beccajayne20’ at the checkout to redeem…. go on! Why not treat yourself?

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Connect:

Twitter: @beccaxjayne

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Uncategorized

Let's talk Facebook expectation posts

By on July 28, 2016


Oh, the beautiful world of social media. A world that exposes our current generation to so many more ideas and opinions than our parents, or grandparents, even had. This blog post is going to be on something I don’t think many people talk about or address, but something which deeply confuses me a lot of the time. Facebook posts.

We all know them posts on Facebook? The ones that so many people seem to relate to- mostly about relationships, break ups, and well… anything in between. Posts that constantly talk about your girlfriend being  “your girl” and feeding female expectations of what you should now expect in a relationship- even at the age of 16/17.

Let’s look at this one for example:


A lot of girls nowadays complain about not having a “perfect” boyfriend when there are good lads out there believe it or not….. THAT’S the reality of it all. Stop labelling all boys our age as the same just because of some bad past experiences, it’s getting boring.

Or:


Not ‘every girl’ because believe it or not, not every girl is with lying / cheating boyfriends. What a foreign concept….. there are actually genuinely nice lads out there who don’t make excuses all the time.

I’m not saying that these posts are awful or completely wrong. Some make valid points, and points in which I agree with and occasionally may share on my own Facebook. I would be a hypocrite if I said that I didn’t share around these posts just as much as the next person.

But these Facebook posts have really made me think about relationships within our society in this modern day and about the expectations that people get- possibly due to these posts.


I mean right, yeah, are they really?? Where is your statistical evidence?? I don’t get it.

These posts constantly go about what you should and shouldn’t do in a relationship. Posts like, “if you don’t text your girl back when you’re with your bros, then why are you with her?” Personally, I think this is ridiculous. Yeah, this may appeal to some girls in relationships, but if my boyfriend was with his mates, I wouldn’t expect him to text me 24/7. I’d expect him to go to his mates, socialise, and have a good time without his time being consumed by me.

Maybe I’m looking at these posts too deeply, but I do believe these posts have influenced current expectations in relationships. Girls nowadays expect to be called “baby girl” or whatever, due to these posts feeding that idea. My advice: don’t let these posts influence your expectations in a relationship. Sure, some of them are relateable and true, but if a man doesn’t buy you ten thousand roses or treat you to the latest NAKED palette; then that doesn’t make him the worst boyfriend in the world.

Shall we also talk about the new “trend” that surrounds ‘psycho’ girlfriends who hack their boyfriends social media accounts just so they can check on them? Facebook posts literally romanticise this…. but I think this trend says it all regarding the point I’m trying to make.

I feel that nowadays, we are fed so many lies and expectations regarding what to expect from relationships, and some of this has to do with these kind of posts constantly circling the internet.

Girls, and boys, don’t let the internet construct your relationship. Don’t feel like you need to live up to the standards of these posts. I mean, these posts tell you that you should hate your ex… but is that really true? Let your relationship flow, and if I were you, ignore these posts as best as you can. The world is not a fairy tale like they try to claim. Do whatever makes you happy in your relationship, not what the internet says makes ‘relationship goals’ or a good relationship. You’ll know when you have that yourself.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Empowerment | Feminism | Uncategorized

Feminism: my view on the movement

By on


Feminism. What do you think of when you first hear that word? Some may think of gender equality (which it is), whereas others may apply more negative connotations to it.

It is no secret that I openly label myself as a Feminist. I know a lot of people may support egalitarianism, yet not put a label on it, and that’s totally fine too. But I’m proud to call myself a Feminist. I’m proud to be part of a movement which, even nearly 100 years on, still empowers women worldwide today.

Like many Feminists, I have also been open to scrutiny and ridicule from a lot of people. “Western society is equal!” I’ve even once been told that “Feminism is cancer” and that it makes me a total psycho supporting a gender equality movement, but we’ll move onto that point a bit later on.

Feminist: A person who believes in the social, political and economic equality of the sexes.

Let’s strip this down to a way in which everyone will try to understand why I’m a Feminist. I’m a Feminist because I believe in equality. It’s as simple as that. I feel like Feminism has been blown out of proportion, and has slowly been changed due to growing assumptions that “Feminists cry about being oppressed all day” or my personal favourite, “Feminists hate men!” You may use the argument that some Feminists hate men, and I’m sure there are some women that hate men. But that’s not a Feminist. Bottom line, I love men. Some of my bestest friends are male and I love them just as much as my female friends. It’s not about hating men, it’s about being equal to men and vise versa.

I’m going to go quite personal now, and talk about my personal view on Feminism and how I perceive the Feminist movement. After labeling myself as a Feminist for nearly 3 years now, I have increasingly become more educated on the matter, and more open to alternative opinions on gender inequality and about the role of women in various societies all together.

Western society. It is no secret that the role of women has improved dramatically over the past 100 years- especially in my society. Heck, women can now vote, we’ve had our first female prime minister (and just had our second), girls and boys have so many amazing opportunities that go against gender stereotypes. I mean, if I wanted to be an electrician that used to be a typical male job, I could be. And you know what else? I think it’s cool as hell if men want to wear make-up and men want to express themselves in that way. Breaking down gender stereotypes people…

I think it’s important, as people, that we look at the positive aspects which have come out of the Feminist movement. Our society is becoming more and more equal between men and women, and that should be celebrated more often. Sure, there are still issues such as ‘rape culture,’ and ‘slut shaming’ for instance, but let’s look at how our society has been positively changed.

I know and understand that a lot of western Feminists, even Feminists that I know of myself, speak up about issues such as the ‘wage gap’ a lot. However, I tend to personally stay out of them issues, not because I am ignorant to them issues, but because I feel like I’m not educated enough on them topics to speak up about them. I personally believe that the wage gap is hard. It’s easy for statistics to be manipulated, especially now that we do have equal opportunities to go into whatever job we want. Granted, however, it may be harder for  a woman to go into a typical male job for instance.

Of course if I was slut shamed, I would speak up because it’s no secret that it’s not right. On the other hand, and this is where a lot of other Feminists may open me up to scrutiny, I concentrate my energy about speaking up on other issues that exist in middle eastern cultures for example. Or let’s talk about how women are still shamed for wearing a skirt just above their knee in our education system as it’s “too distracting for the male pupils.”

I personally feel like Feminism is such a hard topic to write about, as it’s easy for people to disagree with you on such a diverse topic. But I’m a strong believer that Feminism should be stripped down to what it’s actually about, equality (rather than constantly pin pointing certain subjects to talk about all the time).

Another issue that is raised by a lot of Feminists, and which I was approached about today, is the subject of wolf whistling in public. Oh ‘good old’ wolf whistling. For me personally, I believe each to their own. Of course many men and women may feel flattered by being wolf whistled, but for me personally, it makes me feel uncomfortable and embarrassed; but I guess that’s just a personal response. I would personally not wolf whistle anyone as I believe it’s more respectful not to, but everyone has their own opinions on the matter.

Middle Eastern societies. It is no secret that this is where Feminism definitely is needed. Even just talking about FGM and forced marriages would be enough to convince you that middle eastern societies are far from being equal.

In fact, one of my most favourite Feminist writers, El Saadawi, talked about FGM and her experience of the patriarchy which surrounds it. For any of you who are unaware, FGM (female genital mutilation) “is the practice, traditional in some cultures, of partially or totally removing the external genitalia of girls and young women for non-medical reasons.” You can read the article in which El Saadawi addresses the issue of FGM here.

Overall, I believe that Feminism is a hard topic to talk about- especially because there are so many opinions which surround it. I have been shamed for being a Feminist, but the fact is, I’m quite a low key Feminist. I only speak up about issues when I feel like it needs to be said, but that doesn’t mean I’m ignorant to the movement either. I will continue to work towards promoting equality within societies worldwide, and I will not be shamed or ridiculed for my views on equality.

It’s time we lived in a more equal and accepting society. You may not agree with everything I have mentioned in this post, and that’s totally okay. But people should become more aware, and accepting, of other peoples opinions regarding issues such as Feminism and take them into consideration.

I support a movement which has the interests of men and women at heart. I support a movement which helps empower men and women. I support a movement which helps me stand up for myself and my body in a world where, yeah, there still is some misogyny. I support a movement which also states it’s ridiculous that women get child custody more than men do. I support a movement which promotes equality. I am sick of being labelled constantly because of Feminist misconceptions, or due to other people already labeling the kind of person they think Feminists are. Guess what? We’re all unique humans, and we all have our unique opinions.

#IAmAFeminist because I believe in equal rights for all. Whether that’s white women, black women, black men, white men, transgender or otherwise. Everyone deserves to be treated the same in this world. We’re all human after all.

I hope this post has helped give you a different perspective on Feminists, or Femnism, as a whole if nothing else. Feel free to let me know your thoughts, and leave a comment in the comment box below!

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Want 20% off your order at Coconut-Lane? Use the code ‘beccajayne20’ at the checkout to redeem…. go on! Why not treat yourself?

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Product reviews | Uncategorized

Becoming a 'Coconut Queen'

By on July 27, 2016


Hi everyone! How have you been? I have been super busy looking at moving my blog to wordpress.org and looking at new blog themes as well as drafting new posts and taking part in countless Twitter chats and connecting more with you guys!

This blog post is going to be a bit different in comparison to any of my previous posts so let’s see how this goes and let me know what you think!

It’s got to the time of month where you’ve just been paid and you’re ready to spend your wages on treating yourself to some colourful summer gifts, am I right? Look no further, because I have discovered one of the cutest and affordable websites to suit all your blogger, or otherwise, needs.

Whilst taking part in the #sassybloggers Twitter chat on Monday, I was lucky enough to be picked for Coconut Lane’s top tweet from the chat and win one of their ‘wave’ notebooks which are available to purchase from their store here. The notebook features one of the most arty and unique designs I have ever seen on a notebook, with 36 blank pages so you can doodle and write whatever to your hearts content!

Fast forward a couple of days, and I came home to the cutest packaged parcel. I have been looking for a nice notebook with fully blank pages for a while to put down all my thoughts and just get creative with, so this notebook has proven to be perfect. You can check out a picture of the packaging and notebook below:


What’s even better is that after winning my notebook, I had no choice but to check out their website and browse through their products. With my 10pm product envy, I decided to sign up and become one of their #CoconutQueens.

If you’re in need of a new notebook like the one I got, the cutest jewelry or even a new phone case to spice up your phone, you can enjoy 20% off ALL their wonderful products using the code ‘BeccaJayne20’ at the checkout! That means you can shop to your hearts content and enjoy a discount- what more could you want?

Prices range from £6 for notebooks, £12.50 for phone cases, and £9 for rings. Of course, you can shop and browse through their full product collection here.

I will also be ordering a few products from their store soon, so there will be a full review of their wonderful products coming within the next few weeks!

Oh, and don’t forget! Use the code ‘BeccaJayne20’ at the checkout to get 20% off your order!

Need advice on anything? Whether it’s needing some motivation, relationship advice, or just advice in general; feel free to inbox me on Tumblr! I am so excited to start dedicating one day a week on my blog to start responding to your questions on needing advice- and spread a bit of love and positivity! (Please note: You will remain completely anonymous).

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Connect:

Twitter: @beccaxjayne

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General blog posts | Motivation | Uncategorized

Making a change

By on July 26, 2016


In my 2 years that I’ve spent studying at college, I have surprisingly taken more out of my college experience than I ever imagined I would. One of best advice pieces I have ever been given was by one of my teachers who once told me, “be the change you want to see.” Even though this piece of advice was originally given regarding my views on how strict religion can be, I also interpreted it in other ways. I slowly began to realise that change can originally come from one person.

If you have read my other blog posts, you have probably realised that a lot of my posts are centered around positivity and making a positive change in this world. I am a strong believer that in a world full of negative energy, you can create positive vibes and change the world for a better. I’m sure some of you may view this as a cliche. But I am also a strong believer in breaking stigmas, breaking social norms and essentially being that change.

So how can change be created? I am not talking large scale change, rather change being promoted. For example, promoting self love and telling people how genuinely beautiful they are one person at a time. In fact, I even wrote a whole blog post on self love here if you’re interested. Similarly, I also believe in constantly making a change within myself. In accepting that I make mistakes, and then constantly working on mistakes and bettering myself. After all, change can always be a good thing.

And then there’s my own self opening up my eyes to the world and everything that exists around me. It’s no secret that this world holds a lot of flaws, and a lot of flaws that need to be addressed, but people are either too scared to admit that, or too worried to act on the change. I find a big flaw in this world being the lack of love and compassion people have for each other. We live in a world with constant violence, hate and jealousy and it’s time one person at a time acted on these flaws and changed even one part of their own life for the better. It may seem like such an idealistic view, but it’s not impossible for us to change this world one person at a time. Analyse your life and think about how you could change things for the better- whether it’s complimenting someone you’ve never talked to before, giving extra to charity, or simply reminding people how much they mean to you… be the change you want to see.

I suppose, making a change is part of the reason I created this blog. Besides creating it to express my own thoughts and feelings, I created it to try to spread positive energy and make a change regarding people’s perceptions of this world. Whether it’s trying to break the stigma surrounding mental health issues, or simply promoting the idea that showing even a bit of love and compassion can go a long way, I believe that this world can change for the better one person at a time.

Need advice on anything? Whether it’s needing some motivation, relationship advice, or just advice in general; feel free to inbox me on Tumblr! I am so excited to start dedicating one day a week on my blog to start responding to your questions on needing advice- and spread a bit of love and positivity! (Please note: You will remain completely anonymous).

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Want 20% off your order at Coconut-Lane? Use the code ‘beccajayne20’ at the checkout to redeem…. go on! Why not treat yourself?

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Connect:

Instagram: itsbeccajayne
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Uncategorized

Top tips on staying positive

By on July 24, 2016

 

Positivity: The state or character of being positive: a positivity that accepts the world as it is.

Positivity is a word we seem to use a lot, but how many people actually do live a positive lifestyle? A lifestyle in which you see the good in every situation, where you bounce off others happiness and a lifestyle in which no matter how much life seems to throw at you, you always pull through stronger. These past couple of months, I have opened my eyes to the world in a different perspective. A world where I want to make the most out of my life without being brought down by factors like my anxiety. A world where a person who leaves my life may be a positive thing after all, and a world where I just want to secure my own happiness in the long run because looking after myself, my body and my mind is my number one priority. Because I always aim to spread positive energy, I have put together some main tips below to ensure you live a more positive and liberating life!

1. Surround yourself with positive people
It’s no secret that if you surround yourself with negative energy, that’s all that you expose your life to. Positivity doesn’t just appear out of nowhere- especially if you want to achieve it in the long run. I’ve learnt that surrounding myself with negative people who do nothing but bring me down, not only prevents my positive lifestyle, but also leads me to have more anxiety and panic attacks because the negative energy makes me feel uncomfortable. It is essential that you take a step back, analyse the people who currently exist in your life, and cut those out who are simply not good for you. Whether it’s friends or otherwise, your positive mind will thank you in the long run.

2. Occasionally put on some feel good music

It may sound like a cliche, but there is in fact psychological evidence that listening to upbeat and ‘feel good’ music helps you… ‘feel good.’ I read earlier that; “In research by Ferguson and Sheldon (2013), participants who listened to upbeat classical compositions by Aaron Copland, while actively trying to feel happier, felt their moods lift more than those who passively listened to the music.” Go to your music app, put on some feel good music and watch your positive mind explode with happiness! If you’re stuck when it comes to listening to some upbeat music, my personal favourite upbeat songs at the moment are “Grown,” and “Hair” by Little Mix, “That’s My Girl” by Fifth Harmony and “Greedy” by Ariana Grande- give them a listen!

3. Tell your mind you’re happy and confident

This one is definitely easier said than done. When starting to fill my life with positive energy, I figured that it may be possible to convince my mind I was happy- similar to my mind trying to convince me that I’m not. Obviously, having anxiety means that my mind is constantly battling with itself day in and day out; trying to bring me down again and feed me with negative thoughts. However, I suddenly became empowered, happy and positive when I told my mind I was just that. What helped me was putting on some make up, feeling good about myself and just taking a step back and breathing. It honestly works wonders when you’re nice and kind to your mind.

4. Appreciate the small things in life

This is where people think I get even more preachy, however sometimes you’ve got to appreciate the smallest details which exist in this world in order to see the bigger picture in all its glory. I get excited over the smallest things, which many people may view as ‘weird’ or a total cliche. For example, the sky, visiting new places, flowers and nature, even when it rains outside. We live in such an amazing and utterly beautiful world, which deserves to be appreciated more often. It helps to sometimes take a step back, look at everything from a different angle, and fill your heart with such gratitude. There’s more to this life than constant negative energy, you just have to appreciate what it gives us, and replace the negative energy that exists with positivity. 

5. Set yourself goals and keep moving forward

I have found that the biggest reasons for my emotional downfalls is looking back and not moving forward. To put it into perspective, we have been given this amazing world, a world which most of us will be on for a very long time. You have your whole life ahead of you, and you have so many amazing experiences waiting to be discovered… right under your nose, but you just don’t realise it, yet. You can do anything in this world if you put your mind to it- the only person stopping you is yourself. Stop living your life with so many “ifs,” “buts,” and “what ifs.” Make your life the most positive and best that it can be. The world really is your oyster. 

6. Realise you’re loved

I don’t think I can emphasise this point enough. We all get caught up in dwelling over people in our life who may have hurt us, or who may have left us. But take a step back. Analyse your life, and the people in it. Pin point the amazing people who fill your life with such joy, and then no one else matters. Stop beating yourself up over people who have left, live in the present and have such gratitude for those who are currently in your life. Even better, go out there and make new friends. Believe it or not, this world is full of good and amazing people; you just have to find them. Realise that you have so many positive people in your life, and the moment you realise that is the moment your heart fills with so much love, compassion and positive energy.

7. Don’t cause your own downfall

If I got given £1 every time I did this I think I would be a millionaire. Sometimes it’s so easy to get wrapped up in negative thoughts, that we’re past looking at the positive alternative and carry on causing our own downfall ultimately. The reality is that we all have down days, we’re human so it’s going to happen. If anyone told you otherwise, they would be completely lying. But it’s how we go about these periods in our life that decides what happens. I always look at it this way, you have two choices; you can either sit and dwell over things that will bring you down, or you can fight it and look at the positive outlook. It’s hard, but I’ve found that having that state of mind of being determined that I’m going to stay happy, has minimised the amount of anxiety attacks I have rapidly. Fill your mind with things to be positive about, not the other way around.

Nothing what I have addressed above is easy. It’s taken a lot of hard work and determination for my mind to be as calm, happy and positive as it is at the moment, and of course I still have down and off days where I want to hide away and exclude myself from the world completely. But you have to keep that positive mindset, and keep the ultimate goal of long term happiness in sight. You’re a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for, and you can live a positive and healthy life if you just put your mind to it. No “ifs” or “buts.” Just determination. 

I also believe that this is the perfect time to thank you all for my amazing feedback that I have recently been given on my most recent blog posts. It makes me happy knowing I am putting my positive energy into something I love doing, and that it’s helped influence lives for the better. Your feedback really does mean so incredibly much. My heart is exploding. 

Need advice on anything? Whether it’s needing some motivation, relationship advice, or just advice in general; feel free to inbox me on Tumblr! I am so excited to start dedicating one day a week on my blog to start responding to your questions on needing advice- and spread a bit of love and positivity! (Please note: You will remain completely anonymous).

Love and happiness always,

Xo, Becca

————————-
Want 20% off your order at Coconut-Lane? Use the code ‘beccajayne20’ at the checkout to redeem…. go on! Why not treat yourself?

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Connect:

Twitter: @beccaxjayne

Instagram: itsbeccajayne
Snapchat: itssbeccajayne
 

Feel free to drop me a tweet etc xo

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