Empowerment | Feminism | Uncategorized

Feminism: my view on the movement

By on July 28, 2016


Feminism. What do you think of when you first hear that word? Some may think of gender equality (which it is), whereas others may apply more negative connotations to it.

It is no secret that I openly label myself as a Feminist. I know a lot of people may support egalitarianism, yet not put a label on it, and that’s totally fine too. But I’m proud to call myself a Feminist. I’m proud to be part of a movement which, even nearly 100 years on, still empowers women worldwide today.

Like many Feminists, I have also been open to scrutiny and ridicule from a lot of people. “Western society is equal!” I’ve even once been told that “Feminism is cancer” and that it makes me a total psycho supporting a gender equality movement, but we’ll move onto that point a bit later on.

Feminist: A person who believes in the social, political and economic equality of the sexes.

Let’s strip this down to a way in which everyone will try to understand why I’m a Feminist. I’m a Feminist because I believe in equality. It’s as simple as that. I feel like Feminism has been blown out of proportion, and has slowly been changed due to growing assumptions that “Feminists cry about being oppressed all day” or my personal favourite, “Feminists hate men!” You may use the argument that some Feminists hate men, and I’m sure there are some women that hate men. But that’s not a Feminist. Bottom line, I love men. Some of my bestest friends are male and I love them just as much as my female friends. It’s not about hating men, it’s about being equal to men and vise versa.

I’m going to go quite personal now, and talk about my personal view on Feminism and how I perceive the Feminist movement. After labeling myself as a Feminist for nearly 3 years now, I have increasingly become more educated on the matter, and more open to alternative opinions on gender inequality and about the role of women in various societies all together.

Western society. It is no secret that the role of women has improved dramatically over the past 100 years- especially in my society. Heck, women can now vote, we’ve had our first female prime minister (and just had our second), girls and boys have so many amazing opportunities that go against gender stereotypes. I mean, if I wanted to be an electrician that used to be a typical male job, I could be. And you know what else? I think it’s cool as hell if men want to wear make-up and men want to express themselves in that way. Breaking down gender stereotypes people…

I think it’s important, as people, that we look at the positive aspects which have come out of the Feminist movement. Our society is becoming more and more equal between men and women, and that should be celebrated more often. Sure, there are still issues such as ‘rape culture,’ and ‘slut shaming’ for instance, but let’s look at how our society has been positively changed.

I know and understand that a lot of western Feminists, even Feminists that I know of myself, speak up about issues such as the ‘wage gap’ a lot. However, I tend to personally stay out of them issues, not because I am ignorant to them issues, but because I feel like I’m not educated enough on them topics to speak up about them. I personally believe that the wage gap is hard. It’s easy for statistics to be manipulated, especially now that we do have equal opportunities to go into whatever job we want. Granted, however, it may be harder for  a woman to go into a typical male job for instance.

Of course if I was slut shamed, I would speak up because it’s no secret that it’s not right. On the other hand, and this is where a lot of other Feminists may open me up to scrutiny, I concentrate my energy about speaking up on other issues that exist in middle eastern cultures for example. Or let’s talk about how women are still shamed for wearing a skirt just above their knee in our education system as it’s “too distracting for the male pupils.”

I personally feel like Feminism is such a hard topic to write about, as it’s easy for people to disagree with you on such a diverse topic. But I’m a strong believer that Feminism should be stripped down to what it’s actually about, equality (rather than constantly pin pointing certain subjects to talk about all the time).

Another issue that is raised by a lot of Feminists, and which I was approached about today, is the subject of wolf whistling in public. Oh ‘good old’ wolf whistling. For me personally, I believe each to their own. Of course many men and women may feel flattered by being wolf whistled, but for me personally, it makes me feel uncomfortable and embarrassed; but I guess that’s just a personal response. I would personally not wolf whistle anyone as I believe it’s more respectful not to, but everyone has their own opinions on the matter.

Middle Eastern societies. It is no secret that this is where Feminism definitely is needed. Even just talking about FGM and forced marriages would be enough to convince you that middle eastern societies are far from being equal.

In fact, one of my most favourite Feminist writers, El Saadawi, talked about FGM and her experience of the patriarchy which surrounds it. For any of you who are unaware, FGM (female genital mutilation) “is the practice, traditional in some cultures, of partially or totally removing the external genitalia of girls and young women for non-medical reasons.” You can read the article in which El Saadawi addresses the issue of FGM here.

Overall, I believe that Feminism is a hard topic to talk about- especially because there are so many opinions which surround it. I have been shamed for being a Feminist, but the fact is, I’m quite a low key Feminist. I only speak up about issues when I feel like it needs to be said, but that doesn’t mean I’m ignorant to the movement either. I will continue to work towards promoting equality within societies worldwide, and I will not be shamed or ridiculed for my views on equality.

It’s time we lived in a more equal and accepting society. You may not agree with everything I have mentioned in this post, and that’s totally okay. But people should become more aware, and accepting, of other peoples opinions regarding issues such as Feminism and take them into consideration.

I support a movement which has the interests of men and women at heart. I support a movement which helps empower men and women. I support a movement which helps me stand up for myself and my body in a world where, yeah, there still is some misogyny. I support a movement which also states it’s ridiculous that women get child custody more than men do. I support a movement which promotes equality. I am sick of being labelled constantly because of Feminist misconceptions, or due to other people already labeling the kind of person they think Feminists are. Guess what? We’re all unique humans, and we all have our unique opinions.

#IAmAFeminist because I believe in equal rights for all. Whether that’s white women, black women, black men, white men, transgender or otherwise. Everyone deserves to be treated the same in this world. We’re all human after all.

I hope this post has helped give you a different perspective on Feminists, or Femnism, as a whole if nothing else. Feel free to let me know your thoughts, and leave a comment in the comment box below!

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

————————-

Want 20% off your order at Coconut-Lane? Use the code ‘beccajayne20’ at the checkout to redeem…. go on! Why not treat yourself?

————————-

Connect:
Twitter: @beccaxjayne
Instagram: itsbeccajayne

Snapchat: itssbeccajayne

Feel free to drop me a tweet etc xo

Continue Reading

Product reviews | Uncategorized

Becoming a 'Coconut Queen'

By on July 27, 2016


Hi everyone! How have you been? I have been super busy looking at moving my blog to wordpress.org and looking at new blog themes as well as drafting new posts and taking part in countless Twitter chats and connecting more with you guys!

This blog post is going to be a bit different in comparison to any of my previous posts so let’s see how this goes and let me know what you think!

It’s got to the time of month where you’ve just been paid and you’re ready to spend your wages on treating yourself to some colourful summer gifts, am I right? Look no further, because I have discovered one of the cutest and affordable websites to suit all your blogger, or otherwise, needs.

Whilst taking part in the #sassybloggers Twitter chat on Monday, I was lucky enough to be picked for Coconut Lane’s top tweet from the chat and win one of their ‘wave’ notebooks which are available to purchase from their store here. The notebook features one of the most arty and unique designs I have ever seen on a notebook, with 36 blank pages so you can doodle and write whatever to your hearts content!

Fast forward a couple of days, and I came home to the cutest packaged parcel. I have been looking for a nice notebook with fully blank pages for a while to put down all my thoughts and just get creative with, so this notebook has proven to be perfect. You can check out a picture of the packaging and notebook below:


What’s even better is that after winning my notebook, I had no choice but to check out their website and browse through their products. With my 10pm product envy, I decided to sign up and become one of their #CoconutQueens.

If you’re in need of a new notebook like the one I got, the cutest jewelry or even a new phone case to spice up your phone, you can enjoy 20% off ALL their wonderful products using the code ‘BeccaJayne20’ at the checkout! That means you can shop to your hearts content and enjoy a discount- what more could you want?

Prices range from £6 for notebooks, £12.50 for phone cases, and £9 for rings. Of course, you can shop and browse through their full product collection here.

I will also be ordering a few products from their store soon, so there will be a full review of their wonderful products coming within the next few weeks!

Oh, and don’t forget! Use the code ‘BeccaJayne20’ at the checkout to get 20% off your order!

Need advice on anything? Whether it’s needing some motivation, relationship advice, or just advice in general; feel free to inbox me on Tumblr! I am so excited to start dedicating one day a week on my blog to start responding to your questions on needing advice- and spread a bit of love and positivity! (Please note: You will remain completely anonymous).

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

————————-
Connect:

Twitter: @beccaxjayne

Instagram: itsbeccajayne
Snapchat: itssbeccajayne
Feel free to drop me a tweet etc xo

Continue Reading

General blog posts | Motivation | Uncategorized

Making a change

By on July 26, 2016


In my 2 years that I’ve spent studying at college, I have surprisingly taken more out of my college experience than I ever imagined I would. One of best advice pieces I have ever been given was by one of my teachers who once told me, “be the change you want to see.” Even though this piece of advice was originally given regarding my views on how strict religion can be, I also interpreted it in other ways. I slowly began to realise that change can originally come from one person.

If you have read my other blog posts, you have probably realised that a lot of my posts are centered around positivity and making a positive change in this world. I am a strong believer that in a world full of negative energy, you can create positive vibes and change the world for a better. I’m sure some of you may view this as a cliche. But I am also a strong believer in breaking stigmas, breaking social norms and essentially being that change.

So how can change be created? I am not talking large scale change, rather change being promoted. For example, promoting self love and telling people how genuinely beautiful they are one person at a time. In fact, I even wrote a whole blog post on self love here if you’re interested. Similarly, I also believe in constantly making a change within myself. In accepting that I make mistakes, and then constantly working on mistakes and bettering myself. After all, change can always be a good thing.

And then there’s my own self opening up my eyes to the world and everything that exists around me. It’s no secret that this world holds a lot of flaws, and a lot of flaws that need to be addressed, but people are either too scared to admit that, or too worried to act on the change. I find a big flaw in this world being the lack of love and compassion people have for each other. We live in a world with constant violence, hate and jealousy and it’s time one person at a time acted on these flaws and changed even one part of their own life for the better. It may seem like such an idealistic view, but it’s not impossible for us to change this world one person at a time. Analyse your life and think about how you could change things for the better- whether it’s complimenting someone you’ve never talked to before, giving extra to charity, or simply reminding people how much they mean to you… be the change you want to see.

I suppose, making a change is part of the reason I created this blog. Besides creating it to express my own thoughts and feelings, I created it to try to spread positive energy and make a change regarding people’s perceptions of this world. Whether it’s trying to break the stigma surrounding mental health issues, or simply promoting the idea that showing even a bit of love and compassion can go a long way, I believe that this world can change for the better one person at a time.

Need advice on anything? Whether it’s needing some motivation, relationship advice, or just advice in general; feel free to inbox me on Tumblr! I am so excited to start dedicating one day a week on my blog to start responding to your questions on needing advice- and spread a bit of love and positivity! (Please note: You will remain completely anonymous).

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

————————-
Want 20% off your order at Coconut-Lane? Use the code ‘beccajayne20’ at the checkout to redeem…. go on! Why not treat yourself?

————————-
Connect:

Instagram: itsbeccajayne
Snapchat: itssbeccajayne
Feel free to drop me a tweet etc xo

 

Continue Reading

Uncategorized

Top tips on staying positive

By on July 24, 2016

 

Positivity: The state or character of being positive: a positivity that accepts the world as it is.

Positivity is a word we seem to use a lot, but how many people actually do live a positive lifestyle? A lifestyle in which you see the good in every situation, where you bounce off others happiness and a lifestyle in which no matter how much life seems to throw at you, you always pull through stronger. These past couple of months, I have opened my eyes to the world in a different perspective. A world where I want to make the most out of my life without being brought down by factors like my anxiety. A world where a person who leaves my life may be a positive thing after all, and a world where I just want to secure my own happiness in the long run because looking after myself, my body and my mind is my number one priority. Because I always aim to spread positive energy, I have put together some main tips below to ensure you live a more positive and liberating life!

1. Surround yourself with positive people
It’s no secret that if you surround yourself with negative energy, that’s all that you expose your life to. Positivity doesn’t just appear out of nowhere- especially if you want to achieve it in the long run. I’ve learnt that surrounding myself with negative people who do nothing but bring me down, not only prevents my positive lifestyle, but also leads me to have more anxiety and panic attacks because the negative energy makes me feel uncomfortable. It is essential that you take a step back, analyse the people who currently exist in your life, and cut those out who are simply not good for you. Whether it’s friends or otherwise, your positive mind will thank you in the long run.

2. Occasionally put on some feel good music

It may sound like a cliche, but there is in fact psychological evidence that listening to upbeat and ‘feel good’ music helps you… ‘feel good.’ I read earlier that; “In research by Ferguson and Sheldon (2013), participants who listened to upbeat classical compositions by Aaron Copland, while actively trying to feel happier, felt their moods lift more than those who passively listened to the music.” Go to your music app, put on some feel good music and watch your positive mind explode with happiness! If you’re stuck when it comes to listening to some upbeat music, my personal favourite upbeat songs at the moment are “Grown,” and “Hair” by Little Mix, “That’s My Girl” by Fifth Harmony and “Greedy” by Ariana Grande- give them a listen!

3. Tell your mind you’re happy and confident

This one is definitely easier said than done. When starting to fill my life with positive energy, I figured that it may be possible to convince my mind I was happy- similar to my mind trying to convince me that I’m not. Obviously, having anxiety means that my mind is constantly battling with itself day in and day out; trying to bring me down again and feed me with negative thoughts. However, I suddenly became empowered, happy and positive when I told my mind I was just that. What helped me was putting on some make up, feeling good about myself and just taking a step back and breathing. It honestly works wonders when you’re nice and kind to your mind.

4. Appreciate the small things in life

This is where people think I get even more preachy, however sometimes you’ve got to appreciate the smallest details which exist in this world in order to see the bigger picture in all its glory. I get excited over the smallest things, which many people may view as ‘weird’ or a total cliche. For example, the sky, visiting new places, flowers and nature, even when it rains outside. We live in such an amazing and utterly beautiful world, which deserves to be appreciated more often. It helps to sometimes take a step back, look at everything from a different angle, and fill your heart with such gratitude. There’s more to this life than constant negative energy, you just have to appreciate what it gives us, and replace the negative energy that exists with positivity. 

5. Set yourself goals and keep moving forward

I have found that the biggest reasons for my emotional downfalls is looking back and not moving forward. To put it into perspective, we have been given this amazing world, a world which most of us will be on for a very long time. You have your whole life ahead of you, and you have so many amazing experiences waiting to be discovered… right under your nose, but you just don’t realise it, yet. You can do anything in this world if you put your mind to it- the only person stopping you is yourself. Stop living your life with so many “ifs,” “buts,” and “what ifs.” Make your life the most positive and best that it can be. The world really is your oyster. 

6. Realise you’re loved

I don’t think I can emphasise this point enough. We all get caught up in dwelling over people in our life who may have hurt us, or who may have left us. But take a step back. Analyse your life, and the people in it. Pin point the amazing people who fill your life with such joy, and then no one else matters. Stop beating yourself up over people who have left, live in the present and have such gratitude for those who are currently in your life. Even better, go out there and make new friends. Believe it or not, this world is full of good and amazing people; you just have to find them. Realise that you have so many positive people in your life, and the moment you realise that is the moment your heart fills with so much love, compassion and positive energy.

7. Don’t cause your own downfall

If I got given £1 every time I did this I think I would be a millionaire. Sometimes it’s so easy to get wrapped up in negative thoughts, that we’re past looking at the positive alternative and carry on causing our own downfall ultimately. The reality is that we all have down days, we’re human so it’s going to happen. If anyone told you otherwise, they would be completely lying. But it’s how we go about these periods in our life that decides what happens. I always look at it this way, you have two choices; you can either sit and dwell over things that will bring you down, or you can fight it and look at the positive outlook. It’s hard, but I’ve found that having that state of mind of being determined that I’m going to stay happy, has minimised the amount of anxiety attacks I have rapidly. Fill your mind with things to be positive about, not the other way around.

Nothing what I have addressed above is easy. It’s taken a lot of hard work and determination for my mind to be as calm, happy and positive as it is at the moment, and of course I still have down and off days where I want to hide away and exclude myself from the world completely. But you have to keep that positive mindset, and keep the ultimate goal of long term happiness in sight. You’re a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for, and you can live a positive and healthy life if you just put your mind to it. No “ifs” or “buts.” Just determination. 

I also believe that this is the perfect time to thank you all for my amazing feedback that I have recently been given on my most recent blog posts. It makes me happy knowing I am putting my positive energy into something I love doing, and that it’s helped influence lives for the better. Your feedback really does mean so incredibly much. My heart is exploding. 

Need advice on anything? Whether it’s needing some motivation, relationship advice, or just advice in general; feel free to inbox me on Tumblr! I am so excited to start dedicating one day a week on my blog to start responding to your questions on needing advice- and spread a bit of love and positivity! (Please note: You will remain completely anonymous).

Love and happiness always,

Xo, Becca

————————-
Want 20% off your order at Coconut-Lane? Use the code ‘beccajayne20’ at the checkout to redeem…. go on! Why not treat yourself?

————————-
Connect:

Twitter: @beccaxjayne

Instagram: itsbeccajayne
Snapchat: itssbeccajayne
 

Feel free to drop me a tweet etc xo

Continue Reading

Uncategorized

Ignoring expectations

By on July 18, 2016


This world is full of expectations which, whether we realise it or not, controls us as humans and our behaviours daily. Who we can and can’t love. Who we can and can’t be friends with. Who we can and can’t talk to. What we should and shouldn’t do in each situation. Sometimes we find our lives surrounded by people who are watching and commenting on our every move. Gossip. Judgement. Expectations. I personally feel like I’m always being watched and judged over everything I do. Over who I date, or who I talk to, or who I decide to be friends with. There’s a line between looking out for someone, and being rude about the choices they make within their own life.

I have begun to realise that none of that matters. At the end of the day, who is the one who’s in your body? Who is the one who’s controlling your mind? Your life belongs to yourself, and is your own only. Forget societal expectations, or expectations of others for a moment. I am a strong believer in being in control of your own life, and doing whatever in your life which ultimately makes you the happiest. For instance, if you want to talk to that guy you’ve wanted to for so long, do it. If you want to pop up to someone and make friends with them, even if you’ve never spoken to them before, do it. If you want to rekindle lost relationships (whether that’s friendships or otherwise)… DO IT. At the end of the day, you have nothing left to loose. You have been blessed with one incredible, amazing life so make it your own.

“Say it before you run out of time. Say it before it’s too late. Say what you’re feeling. Waiting is a mistake.”

For a while now, this quote especially has really stood out to me. The whole concept of saying whatever you want to say before it’s too late is basically what I base my life around. Life is too short to miss great opportunities to tell people how special they are to you. To tell people how much you love them. Don’t live your life in regret and wishing you could’ve done things differently. Seize every opportunity to remind the important people in your life how important they actually are, because you never know when it may be too late. I realise that I’ve said this before, but randomly text your friends thanking them. Randomly text the person you love more than anything in the world that they are exactly that. You’ll feel so much better for your heart being full of such gratitude for others.

The whole concept of this blog post is that life really is too short to not live your life how you want to live it. Life is this amazing thing which has been gifted to us, and which if you think about it, we all take for granted sometimes. But if you take a step back, look at the people in your life. Look at life in general. And you know what? Too many people get caught up in what they think they should or shouldn’t say, should and shouldn’t do, and just do what you want. It’s as simple as that. Write your amazing life journey, and be proud of everything you do. Live life for yourself, and pick other’s up in the process.

I’m not at all claiming any of this is easy. Even I still get wrapped up in what I’ve been taught is the “rules” that we should live by. For instance, not messaging the boy first, or not posting 1,000 Facebook statuses because 90% of my Facebook friends probably hate my preachy posts. But, I’ve got to the point now where I simply don’t care and I’m happier for it. You know why? Because I’m happy expressing myself how I want. I’m happy living my life my own way, and I’m more than happy writing what I want on my own Facebook page, even if no one cares. If you want to write a 5,000 word essay on why Pokemon is the most amazing part of your childhood and publish it to all your Facebook friends, do it. Because nothing and no one is stopping you if you don’t let it.

*Reminder: you see that person sat reading this blog post right now? They’re in control of how they live their own happy, positive, successful life. Have no limits. Go beyond boundaries and expectations, and show people that it’s okay to be in control of your own life without being judged all the time. Do what YOU want. Live for yourself, and never regret anything. Take each opportunity you can, because life is a learning process, not a game. 
Love & happiness always,

xo, Becca

————————-
Want 20% off your order at Coconut-Lane? Use the code ‘beccajayne20’ at the checkout to redeem…. go on! Why not treat yourself?

————————-

Connect:
Twitter: @beccaxjayne

Instagram: itsbeccajayne
Snapchat: itssbeccajayne

 
Feel free to drop me a tweet etc xo

Continue Reading

body positivity | Uncategorized

Self love and empowerment

By on July 15, 2016


In a world full of negativity and negative energy, sometimes it is easy to put yourself down and not feel good enough. To feel insecure in your body, or how you look, and to beat yourself up about it. Trust me, I was the same and occasionally still get like that. But like everything else, life is a journey and self love and empowerment is part of that journey. I constantly stumble across people on my own Facebook news feed who share statuses about being insecure in their body or how they look. When I see this, it genuinely upsets me. In fact, I’ve been known to message people I’ve never talked to before and remind them that they are genuinely beautiful. The key is finding beauty in yourself that you fail to see.

Of course it is easier said than done. Self love and empowerment takes a lot of hard work and requires you to trust yourself. But do you see that spot on your cheek? Or that stretch mark on your thigh? Or how your tummy rolls when you sit down? It’s all completely 100% natural. Sometimes, we fail to realise that and beat ourselves up for things that are out of our control. But look at it this way; stand up and sit in front of the mirror. Look at yourself and tell yourself, “You know what? I am actually good enough and I am actually beautiful.” Self empowerment is all about you putting your full trust into yourself and what you say to yourself.

Personally, and as cliche as this may sound, I do see beauty in everyone. I feel like beauty is something that we’re all born with, and sometimes it takes longer for some of us to find that beauty. This world is full of billions of people who all genetically look unique to each other. Isn’t that beautiful in itself? The fact that you don’t look exactly the same as ANYONE ELSE on this planet? Embrace the things you hate about yourself, because someone else will love them. For example, I personally hate wearing glasses and then having an eye that constantly shakes. I personally hate having a massive scar in the middle of my stomach. I personally hate having big thighs and small boobs. But you know what? I secretly love those things too, because as cliche and overused as this phrase may be, it’s a part of who I am and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.

It’s easy to compare yourself to models and ‘stereotypically’ pretty girls on the internet, we all do it. But do you know what’s cool? You’re also just as beautiful as they are in your own way. Sit there and pin point certain things in yourself that you love. Whether it’s your hair. Your eyes. Your smile. As well as pin pointing the things we hate about ourselves, we should also pin point the things we love most about ourselves. Confidence is key, and if you can learn to embrace all your features then you’re half way there. Ultimately, the day you learn to love yourself is the day you also learn let others love you.

Loving yourself also isn’t just about loving your body or how you look. It’s about loving everything, including your personality and how you treat others. Have you ever heard the phrase that beauty also comes from within? When I was going through a time in which I physically couldn’t even look myself in the mirror because I hated how I looked so much, I learnt that working on my inside beauty was key to embracing my outside beauty. I am a person who likes to surround themselves with positivity, be positive and be kind to everyone- even people who may have hurt me. I try to take down my pride and forgive others. I try to treat people with as much love and compassion and I would want them to show me in return. The day you realise that you’re a better person than you give yourself credit for, and see the good in others also, is the day your mind will be at peace and you’ll stop trying to fight having an ugly personalty. I’m not saying it’s easy. I still make mistakes, and I’ve still hurt people and not been as compassionate and kind as I could’ve been. But I picked myself up and kept trying, and you can too.

Self empowerment is a journey. Think of it as a graph. You’ve got to keep the graph steady and increasing rather than letting yourself fall. I feel like a lot of it has to do with who surrounds you in your life. If you’re surrounded by positive people who remind you of your worth, your more likely to accept that and believe them. But, if you’re surrounded by people who make you feel less than good enough, then you don’t deserve them in your ‘bubble of empowerment.’

Change starts from today. If you feel like you’re struggling with your body image then remember, from me, that you are more beautiful than you give yourself credit for and you offer more to this world than you think. Yes, it’s cliche, but it’s time more people helped bring each other up rather than tear each other down. Liberate yourself. Empower yourself. Look yourself in the mirror and admit how beautiful you are. It’s not vain, in fact it’s far from it. I will never understand why it is acceptable for society to make people feel like they need to put themselves down instead of picking themselves up because it’s viewed as “loving yourself too much” or “being too self absorbed.” Confidence and empowerment is one of the most fundamental parts to us finding happiness as a human being and it should be celebrated more because it deserves to be.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

————————-
Want 20% off your order at Coconut-Lane? Use the code ‘beccajayne20’ at the checkout to redeem…. go on! Why not treat yourself?

————————-

Connect:
Twitter: @beccaxjayne

Instagram: itsbeccajayne

Snapchat: itssbeccajayne

 
Feel free to drop me a tweet etc xo

Continue Reading

General blog posts | Uncategorized

My thoughts in a letter…

By on July 14, 2016

missing quote

“To anonymous, from Becca.”

One of the main reasons I created this blog was so I could put my feelings down somewhere. As a person who occasionally has so many thoughts and feelings roaming around my head all at once, I find that sometimes it helps to pour my feelings into writing. In some ways this post is going to be like a letter. A letter for someone in which I may not want to say this to them personally, but I need to let my feelings of the matter out somewhere. And here is my safe place to do so. Now, you may be wondering why you’re halfway into reading the introduction of a blog post which is a ‘letter’ for one certain person only. However, I have found that exploring other people’s feelings on certain matters, can help channel my own. I hope in this blog post that you are able to open your eyes to emotions. To how crucial personal emotions are to an individual and how they are nothing to ultimately be ashamed of.

Time. Memories. Hurt. Pain. Loss. They are all factors which are included in my scary, yet exciting journey, to move on. The thing with relationships, is that they begin and they end. To me, it’s scary going from being “everything” to someone, to “nothing” in the space of 24 hours. To me, it’s scary from being able to be there for someone and to care for them, to them shutting you out of their life completely. It’s scary, and it does hurt. To have everything and then have nothing. And that’s what I did have. I had everything I wanted at this point in my life, and sometimes you don’t realise it until it’s too late. I had someone who I cared about more than I had with anyone else before- and I don’t know why this person was different. If you’ve read my piece on the healing heart, you may see a lot of comparisons when it comes to topics of writing in this post.

It’s funny, isn’t it? The feeling of missing someone and not knowing if they feel the same back. Or if they still even remember if you exist. If you randomly cross their mind, or if they’ve wiped you from their life and memory completely and are moving on to bigger and better things. Missing someone is one of the most powerful feelings you can endure. You don’t know what it feels like to miss someone until it happens, but at the same time, you know they probably don’t feel the same back. It’s a vicious circle of your feelings, missing someone, and then hating yourself for feeling so strongly about someone who you’re unsure as to whether they even still like you or not. It’s such a complicated emotion. You tear yourself apart with the happy memories as cliché as it may sound, and you let them linger constantly in your mind. These past couple of weeks have been a rollercoaster of emotions for me. From being hurt, and then telling myself I don’t care, to admitting to myself I do care. In break ups, self pride is such a big thing that we sometimes use it to make ourselves feel better. But do you know what I’ve realised? I have no shame in missing someone. I have no shame in looking back on my relationship and knowing what I did right and wrong. I have no shame in feeling a thousand different emotions on this matter, because if I didn’t, did my relationship really mean as much to me as I thought it did?

“It hurts missing someone and not being able to do anything about it.”

The sad truth about me is that I’m hard to love. It takes me a lot to really fall for someone, let alone really love someone, which is why it hurts so much. I build my guard up so high- scared to let people in due to the constant fear of them hurting me. I spend relationships in worry, in wanting reassurance that I won’t be left and that this isn’t some ‘joke’ just so people can laugh and make fun of me at the end of it all. I guess that has something to do with my anxiety. I once got told that I was “the best person to walk into [insert name’s] life.” And you know what my initial reaction was? That they were lying. How could someone who can’t even love themselves properly yet be loved by someone else? It was such a foreign concept to me. But at the same time, I felt I wasn’t good enough. I was told all this and my mind was filled with, “What if you’re not good enough,” “You don’t deserve him, he can do better.” It’s not a healthy mind set to be in when you’re in a relationship, despite being reassured countless times that this wasn’t the case. Me building my walls up so high and then letting them come crashing down ruined us in the end. It’s scary to think that despite how much I was worried about not being good enough. I ended up not being good enough just by worrying over it, ultimately.

And then there’s the feelings on my end. Have you ever had someone who you care about so much that you would do anything for them and you don’t know why? It’s like they entered your life for a reason, but that reason is still unknown. I felt, and still feel, so much care and compassion for this individual that it’s hard to describe. I think it’s because I understand them and their feelings more than I think they do. They spend their life hiding their true feelings in fear, and it was like a puzzle for me to work out. He ultimately had his guard up too. I think that’s what made him one of the strongest people I have ever encountered. I wanted to be different. I wanted to be different to anyone he’d previously been with and I wanted to be better. I wanted to show him what it felt like to genuinely feel cared for and to find comfort in me being his ‘safe place,’ the option was always open if he needed someone to talk to, but it wasn’t required. The fact that even though he’s scared of getting hurt, he still tries to hide that he does. Ultimately, he became scared that I was going to “fall out of love with him,” which was never the case, and I can confidently say never will be the case. Like I mentioned in my healing heart post, love doesn’t just die if it genuinely is love. The fact is, no matter what, I will still be there for this person. If they need someone to work out their feelings for them. If they’re ever scared of anything. If they ever need someone to talk to. But he ran. And he’s still running.

My main message is to not give up on someone you deeply care about. Don’t shut them out. Don’t leave them in the dark. Be there, always. I may have lost this person who means more to me than I ever imagined they would, but you don’t have to make the same mistake I made. Tell that person you’ve wanted to for so long that you love them. Hold your boyfriend or girlfriend tight and don’t let them go. At the end of the day, what have you got to loose? Be grateful for who’s in your life, and be grateful for the people who truly cared about you because you may never know what tomorrow might bring. It truly hurts loosing someone who brought so much light and happiness into your life.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

————————-
Want 20% off your order at Coconut-Lane? Use the code ‘beccajayne20’ at the checkout to redeem…. go on! Why not treat yourself?

————————-
Connect:

 

Feel free to drop me a tweet etc xo

Continue Reading

Giveaways | Uncategorized

Summer giveaway!

By on July 13, 2016


Because I aim to make this blog about happiness and positivity, I have decided to do a mini giveaway to spread some loveeeee.

One (x1) winner will receive the following:

♡ Hardback notebook

♡ A pack of 10 staedtler pens so you can write all your happy thoughts in the notebook and let your mind wonder!

♡ A copy of “The book of happiness” which includes happy and motivational quotes to help calm your mind

♡ One NYX “Abu Dhabi” soft matte lip cream which is one of my most favourite lip products to use and which always makes me feel confident and empowered!

In order to be in with a chance of winning this giveaway, you must follow all the entry guidelines below:

♡ Follow all my social media accounts: Twitter (@beccaxjayne) Instagram (itsbeccajayne) Snapchat (itssbeccajayne) and turn on my tweet notifications and Instagram post notifications so you never miss a post from me!

♡ Retweet this tweet and tag 2 friends

♡ Fill out an entry form. (Click here).

♡ Tweet this

♡ Follow me on Bloglovin

Give my Facebook page a ‘like’ while you’re at it, a girl can try, right?

And that’s all! Make sure to follow all the entry rules in order for your entry to be counted.

The winner will be picked at random on the 21st August at 8PM GMT.

This is also a worldwide giveaway so anyone can enter. Good luck!

Please note: This giveaway is NOT sponsored.

 

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

————————-
Want 20% off your order at Coconut-Lane? Use the code ‘beccajayne20’ at the checkout to redeem…. go on! Why not treat yourself?

————————-
Connect:

 

Feel free to drop me a tweet etc xo

Continue Reading

General blog posts | Uncategorized

The healing heart

By on July 12, 2016

the healing heart

Today I wrote this short poem which basically explains my mind on this matter. The healing heart.

Love. It’s one of the most confusing human emotions there is. It can fill you with happiness, sadness, loneliness, disappointment and hurt all at the same time. You can feel an extreme amount of love for someone, yet know they’re not good for you. You can feel an extreme amount of love for someone, yet still let them hurt you. Hurting over love isn’t something you should feel ashamed about. Love is one of the most common human emotions and can be one of the most empowering and amazing feelings.

But how do you know you’re in love? The answer is, I don’t think anyone really does. You create a relationship between two people, and then you’re left with “Is this what love feels like?” “Is this really love?” The fact is, I spent the first couple of weeks trying to put my emotions and mind in tune. Love gives you such an overwhelming feeling and compassion for someone that it’s hard to explain. Yes, I may still be young and naive, but I do believe that I have experienced some sort of ‘love.’

Seen as this blog is also a reflection of my own personal thoughts and feelings, I feel like I have been wrapped up in my emotions so much that it is more than just loving someone. It’s genuinely caring about them. Thriving off being there for them. Thriving off making them happy and contributing towards their smile. As cliche as it may sound, it is the most overwhelming feeling to be so in love with someone that as soon as they’re gone, it hurts. It hurts because you can’t be there for them. You can’t thrive off making them happy anymore, because you secretly don’t. You can’t bring yourself to be apart of their life anymore, because they don’t want you. The thing with love is that it doesn’t always go both ways. You truly don’t know the extent of love someone has for you. But ironically, knowing the scale of your love for someone else is the most liberating feeling.

I believe the idea that “You never truly stop loving someone” is true. Funnily enough, if you really love someone you can’t bring yourself to really hate them, because a part of you will always thrive off loving them. Love doesn’t die. It’s as simple as that. If it does, it was never love in the first place. Now, I’m not talking about the chemistry between two individuals in a relationship. Of course that chemistry is going to evaporate in certain relationships. But you never stop caring. You never stop wanting to love them.

People make love more complicated than it has to be. If you love someone, it should be celebrated not made complicated. So many people miss the chance to say “I love you” due to other factors, but love is love. In every situation, it will always be the most powerful feeling. Don’t think I take the feeling of ‘love’ lightly. It takes a lot for me to really put my feelings into someone which I guess is why I have been single nearly all my life.

It takes me a lot to fall in love, and I’ll admit that I’ve only really fallen in love once with an individual. Sure, I love my friends and family, but I think you can agree that falling in love with those relations in your life is different to really falling in love with someone. Now, a lot of people may open me up to scrutiny about this. “It wasn’t love.” “You just want the idea of love.” And that couldn’t be anymore opposite to the truth. I never met this person thinking I’d ever fall in love with them as much as I did, or to even love them at all. But that’s the thing about love. You see things in someone that no one else sees. You look deeper into their personality and life, exploring things that not even they know about themselves. I spent my whole relationship with this person wanting to see them happy. Wanting to be there. And caring about them more than I’ve ever cared about anyone so much before and honestly, I don’t know why I felt so differently about this person. I fell so in love with their uniqueness, and how despite what everyone else saw and viewed this person as, they had a much more deeper significance in this world than even they discovered which is what I guess made me fall in love with them even more. They had more potential in this world than they gave themselves credit for, and I can guarantee their life will be full of great and amazing things that they never believed they would ever achieve.

Sure, I’ve been quizzed on why I don’t hate this person. Why despite all the heartbreak and hurt they caused me, I still have the upmost respect and compassion for said individual. And I realised why. It’s not me being naive. And it’s not me being weak. Love doesn’t just end. You don’t wake up one day and think, “You know what? I don’t love this person anymore.” Because in reality, you always will. A part of you will always hold onto that love which meant a lot to you at one time. And if a love just ends? It was never truly love. But don’t get me wrong, you can love someone and not be with them. That’s the sad reality of it all. There are a lot of people who love each other who aren’t together, and there are a lot of people who don’t love each other who are together. Sometimes we just have to explore deeper into our emotions and open up about them more. If it’s love, you’ll know it is. You’ll care. You’ll thrive off being there for them. You’ll want to be in their life. But I’ve realised that love is also a very personal emotion, and no one can ever take your feelings of love for someone away from you.

I guess that’s why break ups hurt. That love is still there, but you can’t feel like you can love. You hide it. You try to pretend that it’s not there. You can still love someone, but you realise the other person never really loved you. They block you out. You can no longer care for them as much as you want to. You’re left in the dark with overwhelming emotions that you just want to lock away, but you can’t. Or, they’re hiding their love too. My advice with love is to always follow your heart. Never give up on something you love if it is truly meant to be. Love finds a way of working itself out in the end. Alternatively, if it’s not meant to be, then sometimes a love you have for someone is just meant to be stored away- as another part of your life journey.

According to Alessia Cara lyrics, “love brings you flowers then it builds your coffins.”

Love is the most natural, yet confusing, feeling in the world. Never ignore it. This is just another step towards your healing heart.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

————————-
Want 20% off your order at Coconut-Lane? Use the code ‘beccajayne20’ at the checkout to redeem…. go on! Why not treat yourself?

————————-
Connect:

 

Feel free to drop me a tweet etc xo

Continue Reading

Me & my life | Uncategorized

'Get to know me' tag!

By on July 10, 2016


So, while the whole blogging experience is currently new to me at the moment, I figured what better way to give you guys an insight into my life than to do a ‘Get to know me’ tag which consists of 25 general questions about me and my life. So here it goes!

  1. What is your middle name? Jayne
  2. What is your favourite colour? At the moment, I’m obsessed with lilac or baby pink but my favourite colour changes constantly 
  3. How tall are you? Funnily enough, I actually don’t know. Around 5’3 maybe??
  4. Cats or Dogs? Hmmm, dogs?
  5. How many countries have you visited? 4- Canada, Portugal, France and Germany
  6. Are you in/gone to college? I’ve just finished college after 2 years
  7. What was your favourite/worst subject in High School? Worst subject was either Maths or Science because I was just…….. terrible
  8. What is your favourite drink? I don’t really have a favourite that stands out to me really, but if I could say any it would be a good ol’ cuppa tea :)))
  9. What is your favourite animal? GIRAFFES / OTTERS / DUCKS / PENGUINS / ELEPHANTS / BASICALLY ANYTHING THAT YOU WOULD FIND IN A ZOO
  10. What is your favourite perfume? Not that I’m being biased or anything…. but ARI by Ariana Grande by far!
  11. Tea or Coffee? TEA TEA TEA TEA TEA EVERY TIME, ESPECIALLY SEEN AS I HATE COFFEE OOPS
  12. What would you (or have you) name your children? Funnily enough, I don’t have a desire to ever have kids so I haven’t really thought about it
  13. What is your favourite book? JANE EYRE BY FAR, IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY IT’S A MUST READ !!!
  14. What is your favourite movie? Shaun Of The Dead… classic
  15. Are you Single or Taken? Single
  16. Whats your idea of an ideal first date? GOING TO THE ZOO, GOING ON A WALK… BASICALLY I DON’T CARE IF IT COSTS YOU NOTHING JUST PUT A LOT OF THOUGHT INTO IT AND MAKE IT MEMORABLE
  17. How many Girlfriends/Boyfriends have you had? One
  18. Do you speak any different languages and how well? I am tragic at speaking other languages, but I can speak minimal French and German
  19. Do you have any siblings? Yes, 2 younger sisters
  20. How would you describe your fashion sense? My wardrobe mainly consists of black clothes. That’s all I’m gonna say.
  21. What is your favourite restaurant? Anywhere that sells pizza. Don’t give me anything fancy, just give me pizza and chips and I’ll be happy
  22. What are some of your favorite tv shows? Wow okay- The Walking Dead / Pretty Little Liars / Bates Motel / Dexter / Gossip Girl
  23. PC or mac? Mac every time
  24. What phone do you have? (iOS v Android?) iPhone 6 in space grey
  25. Tell us one of your bad habits! Eating ice. It’s actually so bad. But eating ice.

As random as those questions where, I hope that gave you an insight into my life, my likes and dislikes and me in general. If you have any additional questions you would like to ask me, feel free to leave them in the comment box below this post.

As always, try to be as happy as possible and have a good day!

xo, Becca

————————-
Want 20% off your order at Coconut-Lane? Use the code ‘beccajayne20’ at the checkout to redeem…. go on! Why not treat yourself?

————————-
Connect:

 

Feel free to drop me a tweet etc xo

Continue Reading