Me & my life | Uncategorized

A build up of everything

By on March 4, 2017


Something kind of just popped in my brain. Like something in which I have been hiding away for so long suddenly made sense. As to why I feel things that I wish I didn’t feel. As to why certain emotions have led me to do things that is out of character. As to why I should sometimes listen to my emotions.

A few months ago, I thought that the solution to feeling hurt, upset and total emotion was to just bottle everything up and act like it simply wasn’t there. I actually didn’t give myself time to hurt, or recover from hurt, and it just caused my emotions to build up more and more. At the time, I never really realised this, but now I have realised that listening to myself and my own mind is healthiest.

The fact is, we all hurt sometimes. Shit happens. Things happen that cause us to be upset, cry, huddle into a bawl and not want to come out. But sometimes you’ve got to embrace that as odd as it sounds. I never enabled myself to feel that kind of pain because I simply didn’t want to. I kept bandaging it up and hoping for the best, and it’s caused this whole shebang. This whole blog post.

I know this blog post won’t make a lot of sense to some of you reading this right now, and that’s totally okay. I just wanted somewhere to put all my thoughts, feelings, and most importantly emotions without feeling like I was being watched or judged. Because the fact is, I’ve spent the past year of my life feeling like people are watching my every move. Like they’re ready to jump and pounce on me every mistake I make, and as much as that shouldn’t bother me (and for a long time didn’t), I’m human, and it does.

I want to make my own peace with my own self and my own mind. I want to stop acting out in anger and spite, because that simply is not me- or who I aspire to be. Wow that rhymes. Because the fact is, the things that bother us deep down may cause us to do stupid things, and all I can do is apologise; to myself especially. I wanted to make this year the year in which I stuck to my own mind. My own wishes, and lived life for myself. Here’s to listening to my emotions for once without bottling them up, and being the passive person I wan to be.

Stay true to who you are, even if you may waver at times. Those around you know the real you, no matter what mistakes you may make.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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General blog posts | Me & my life | Uncategorized

February round-up

By on March 1, 2017


I want to start doing these types of ’round-up’ posts on my blog at the end of every month, as I am a strong believer in reflecting on the positive, and negative in life. My therapist also suggested that I start to write down one positive thing I’ve done at the end of every day, so here’s to progress.

Honestly, February has been a bit of a blur to me. I feel as though it’s been one of those months that has just flown by before you realise it’s even properly begun. But for such a short month, I seemed to have accomplished more this month than I imagined I ever would.

For starters, I signed up to the gym which I am so excited about. That means that I can finally get to where I want to be regarding my body image with any luck, and just work on cherishing and looking after my body for once. At the end of the day, our bodies deserve to be loved sometimes as well as our minds, so I am super excited to be starting a new hobby which I hope will continue for a long time.

I also started my new job this month which is also such a big step for me. When it comes to applying to new jobs, I get extremely worried about factors which the job may involve before even starting the job. For example, what if I mess up the interview? What if I make no new friends? What if I end up being completely rubbish at my job? I tried my best to push those thoughts aside… and guess what? I got the job and have happily and successfully (I hope!) just done by second day.

However, there are also certain things that I need to work on next month. One being, cutting myself some slack. A while ago, I promised myself that I would not pressure myself to be a ‘perfect’ version of myself. This is also something in which I discussed with my therapist the other day, and it pleases me to say that for a while, I haven’t bothered about ‘needing’ to be ‘perfect.’ On the other hand, I seem to have done that a lot this month, and I need to remind myself that I’m not perfect. I will say and do things I regret, but that’s okay. My mistakes simply mean I’m human.

I hope you enjoyed this rambling / different sort of post. I want to continue to do one of these every month, so let me know what you think in the comment box below.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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General blog posts | Me & my life | Mental health | Uncategorized

New beginnings

By on February 22, 2017

I have recently said and done some things that I deeply regret. In all honesty, I’ve spent the last 24 hours beating myself up about those things. I’m the sort of person who completely hates drama, or arguments, or anything in between; but I always seem to find myself getting involved in them… head first… at 50 mph without meaning to.

So what am I going to do about it? What am I going to do to try to sort all this out in my own head and give myself some peace for once? I decided to tackle this by writing it all down here, in this blog post. Because the fact of the matter is that I will make mistakes. I will do things that I regret. I’ll sit there and think, “come on Becca, just stop.” I’ll just start again.

I am far from perfect. I don’t ever claim to be, and I don’t ever claim to have everything in check all the time. I don’t think I would be human if I did everything right. I have feelings, and sometimes feelings and emotion can get the better of me (as much as I try not to let it).

I want to leave the past in the past so incredibly much, yet something always seems to happen to bring it back to present day. It’s like something that I can’t seem to get rid of, and it worms it’s way back in. One thing after another. Constantly.

I vowed that 2017 would be a year of new beginnings. Motivation. Practice. Peace. And looking after myself first and foremost for once ! And in most ways, that has been the case. I am incredibly proud and humbled with everything that I have achieved this year already- and I am incredibly proud of being able to acknowledge what, and who, is good or bad for my health.

But like I said, I can’t be in check all the time. If someone claims to be perfect all the time and never admits to making mistakes, don’t believe them. It is a basic human trait. You have to make mistakes, to learn. You have to regret things, to vow never to do them again. You have to mess up sometimes so you can bounce back as a stronger and better you.

I feel like I am constantly screaming over who I am. I feel constantly misunderstood, or judged like people know the background reasoning behind my actions. Why I do things. Why I say things. When in all honesty, I don’t think even I have an explanation regarding some of my actions. If you think you know me, you most probably don’t; even I’m still trying to work that part out. But my mistakes do not make me a bad person. They do not undermine the fundamental factors about myself that I seem to want to embrace the most. They do not define me.

I am brave enough to sit here and admit to my mistakes. To look back at actions that I regret and realise why I messed up that one time. But here’s to new beginnings. Here’s to my new job, my new friends, starting the gym. Here’s to recovery and looking after my own mental health first and foremost. And you know what? Here’s to embracing who I am; despite all my mistakes. Because I’m human, and I’m proud of not claiming otherwise.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Product reviews | Uncategorized

My new favourite foundations?

By on February 18, 2017


I have recently been on the hunt for a good drugstore foundation, that was good coverage, bendable, and just overall good value for money. After pondering a lot over which foundation would be best for me, I came across two which I have grown to absolutely love. The two foundations I’ve picked are quite hyped over at the moment- and I know why!

First up is my favourite out of the two (but it was a close call), and it’s the L’Oreal Infallible. This foundation is amazing if you’re looking for a high coverage foundation from the drugstore, which is also reasonably priced. It retails at £9.99 and I definitely prefer it over the L’Oreal ‘True Match’ (I wasn’t a fan of that foundation unfortunately, so this one feels like a breath of fresh air).


I chose the foundation in the shade ‘015 porcelain’ which is perfect for my naturally pale skin tone. Normally I struggle when it comes to finding a good foundation that matches my (extremely) pale face, but I have found that L’Oreal are perfect for that.

Next up is the ‘Bourjois’ Healthy Mix foundation. This is another foundation that a lot of people recommended to me when I asked on Twitter for good foundation recommendations, and it certainly did not disappoint. Although it isn’t as high coverage as my L’Oreal Infallible foundation, it is still pretty good coverage for the price. The foundation normally retails at £9.99, but I got it on a special offer in Superdrug for £7.99. If you’re out and about in Superdrug and you come across this offer, I would defiantly invest. I have never tried any Bourjois products before, so I was pleasantly surprised over the qualify of this foundation.


Out of the two, I thought this would be the one that was either too dark for my skin, or not as good coverage as I had hoped. However, I couldn’t be more wrong. I normally find that some foundations make me look completely white and wash out even the small bit of natural ‘tan’ I have on my face, but this is the best shade that I have found so far to suit my skin tone.


Overall, I am throughly impressed with these two foundations. I have found that they do stay on longer than a lot of my other foundations, blend nicely and have high coverage which is always a bonus. Mixing it in with my ‘Seventeen’ liquid highlighter also adds a ‘dewy’ look to both foundations which is my all time favourite ‘go-to’ for a night out.

Links to both the foundations are listed below:

l’areal infallible: http://www.superdrug.com/L%27Oreal-Paris/L%27Oréal-Infallible-Foundation-Porcelain-15/p/865169

Bourjois: http://www.superdrug.com/Make-Up/Face/Foundation/Bourjois-Healthy-Mix-Foundation-50-Rose-Ivory/p/723608

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Me & my life | Mental health | Motivation | Uncategorized

An update on everything 'life'

By on February 15, 2017

I pondered over whether or not I wanted to write all this and publish it on here, but I also came to the conclusion that my blog was created as my own little space to write whatever I wanted, so here I am.

To be honest, I thought I would miss a blog post upload this week- or even a few. I have been so stressed out lately, so wrapped up in emotions, that I have completely deteriorated myself again. I decided to take a step back from everything and everyone for a while (as much as I hate doing this), so me writing this blog post right now is pretty much a miracle.

If you have been reading my blog since September (ish), you’ll be aware that I was referred for ‘cognitive behavioural therapy’ for my anxiety. At the time of my referral, it felt like I was screaming out for some sort of help and support. Some things are hard to cope with on your own, and at the time, I was finding it extra difficult. Anyway, 5 months on (yes, the waiting list was meant to be 9 weeks BUT), I finally have my appointment and I begin therapy next week.

I have recently seen myself become fragmented when it comes to those around me. I don’t feel like I’m ‘me’ at the moment, and I have certainly lost all energy to go out and socialise with friends. It feels like I’m in that bubble again, but I am pushing myself slowly but surely. I am going to the gym tomorrow, and I am trying to get out of the house as much as possible.

As I feel myself going backwards again, I feel like the phone call about my therapy appointment came at the perfect time. It feels like I’m ‘sticking it out’ until next Wednesday and I’m trying so incredibly hard to stay calm, positive and healthy.

Because of this, I have taken myself away from most social media sites for a while, at least. A little ‘me’ time. A time for me to regroup and find myself again if you like. I am an avid believer that as amazing as social media is, and as supportive as it can be, sometimes it can be unhealthy for the mind and taking a step back from it sometimes isn’t necessarily a bad thing. (Ironic seen as I’m looking at studying digital marketing at university next year but that’s another topic for another day).

But, these past few weeks have also had a ton of positives. I got a new job !!!! I am trying out new things, and broadening my horizons as they say, and I feel like this job is the perfect opportunity for that. I am extremely overwhelmed at myself for having the confidence to go to an interview, smash it, and come out with a contracted job with an okay pay. Onwards and upwards.

I feel like my life is changing again, and I have noticed that I get to my worst points when this happens. I don’t know if it’s because I don’t take well to change, or to life going in a different direction than planned; but I think taking time out to myself, starting my new job, and starting therapy again will work out for the positive in the end.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Me & my life | relationships | Uncategorized

Caring without caring…

By on February 11, 2017


You know that feeling when you reflect so deeply on people who have left your life? When you think, “did that really happen for a reason?” or, “was that really best for me?” I seem to be doing that a lot tonight, and I feel like I need to express my utter gratitude from what I’ve found.
Sometimes you don’t see the bigger picture at the time, I certainly didn’t. I just saw what I wanted, and what I THOUGHT was best for me; WHO I thought was best for me. But sometimes, that isn’t the case. Sometimes, those who decide to leave you in the most heartless of ways are those who are most beneficial to you as a person. Ironic right?

You see, I look back at all the tears I shed. And all the nights I stayed up crying, and hoping, and wishing. How I blamed everything on myself, and the only person to blame was the other person at the end of the spectrum. I beat myself up over something that I wasn’t deserved of. I took everything I had inside me, and I threw it back at myself. I ended up being toxic to my own self because of someone simply not caring about me like I thought they did.

Now I could go on and on about how hurt I may have been. Or how people aren’t who you think they are. But I’m not going to do that. I spent so long caring, so long looking over someone who just didn’t see it at all. Who still doesn’t see it. And although that’s still the case, my own personal self will not be put on the line for someone who ultimately won’t do the same back.

Because as much as you want to ‘save’ a person. As much as you want to make sure they’re okay, you have to think, “am I destroying myself by doing this?” And in my case, the answer was, and still is, yes.

Sometimes you’ve got to take a step back and let people live their lives for themselves. As much as you want to watch over them. As much as you deeply long to care. Because if they mess up, it’s okay. People mess up. Find comfort in knowing that you’ll be there for them when they’re ready for you love and care, and when you’re ready to give them that.

Bottom line: don’t put yourself on the line for someone who wouldn’t do the same for you. Give that love to someone else, but don’t be heartless about it- nor naive. Find comfort in your own self to know what you want- and most importantly, what you need.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Empowerment | Me & my life | Motivation | Uncategorized

A life change

By on February 8, 2017


You are in control of your own life. Your own desires. Your future. Who belongs in your life, and who doesn’t.

I was back thinking again the other day, and I especially reflected on how my life has changed dramatically since this time last year. Some people I was friends with last year, I am no longer friends with; and the people who I am friends with now, I wasn’t friends with a year ago. To me, it’s crazy how drastically things can change and who you thought would stay in your life, simply hasn’t.

I’ve also thought about my own ‘change.’ As much as I am a strong believer that at the end of the day, most people don’t end up totally changing, I’ll call my own transition over the past year or so simply ‘growing up.’ Things have happened, that have made me stronger. My mindset has improved. My outlook on things have improved. I will no longer settle being around people who make me feel less than good enough. (You can read more on this in my post about putting myself first).

I think at the beginning, people saw this transition as shocking and in some ways, that says it all. It was almost like the people who were taking me for granted, suddenly didn’t know what to do. Almost like they couldn’t control me anymore, and I’m so glad I let those people go.

I am an overly sensitive person. I constantly pressure myself to be liked by everyone, when in reality, that simply is impossible. I don’t take people leaving very well, and I certainly haven’t over the past year. But I have begun to slowly realise that those who do not want to be a part of my life, are not worthy of being in my life. That I should start to cherish those more who want to be around me, rather than those who tear me down.

And as for my own personality, I feel like I have almost ‘blossomed.’ The only way I can describe it as is, “I don’t care anymore.” I am me. I am loud. I talk way too much. I ramble and get deep about things that probably don’t need to be talked about. I have strong political views on equality, and life in general, and I like to express that!! (That explanation mark was clearly used as a “take that” to anyone who can’t handle that about me). But you know what?? I am real. I am happy expressing who I am. I don’t want to hide who I am anymore. And if people like me, then that’s great. And if they don’t, then that’s also okay… I am not going to be everyone’s cup of tea and ! that ! is ! fine !

To anyone who knew me a year ago; I am still the same Becca. Just better. Improved. More confident and empowered. The person inside me has not changed. I have just grown and found myself more and more.

To the amazing people who are still around, and still cherish me as a human being, thank you. To anyone who left my life for the better, thank you. It is because of each and every single person in my life (those present now, or those who have left), that I am sat here with the biggest smile on my face writing this. And I can proudly say- this is me.

I also made a YouTube video discussing this a bit more in detail if you are interested. Thank you for reading / watching. Enjoy.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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body positivity | Empowerment | Feminism | Motivation | Uncategorized

My body, my choice

By on February 4, 2017


So today I was casually looking to see if my outfit was okay in a mirror, and it got me thinking. Of course, I think in the most random of situations and circumstances, but bare with me on this one.

I know this is talked about a lot, and so we should do. Our bodies are our own and no one else’s. That means we can’t let people tell us what we “can” and “can’t” do with it (within legal boundaries of course). But even I still find myself doing things in order to please others.

What I do with my body is none of your business. Period. Let people breathe, and let people live. No one should be able to control what someone else does with their body, and no one should be able to judge.

Because the thing is, whatever I wear, however I decide to express my body and my body image, is due to my own confidence. Yes, confidence people. Low cut dresses. Jeans without a long top above it. They’re all things I have slowly learnt to overcome and I finally feel liberated, confident and happy in my body. Okay? Okay.

I’m growing up, and I’m sensible in expressing who I am with my body. I feel like body image is something everyone struggles with, and the power to overcome that is incredible.

I don’t know. Another rambled sort of post, full of complete expression of words, and passion for letting women, men, transgender people, anyone, feel confident enough to belong to their own body.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

 

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Product reviews | Uncategorized

Testing 'Technic' make-up

By on February 1, 2017


The lovely people at ‘Technic’ sent me a few products from their new collection before Christmas which I was extremely excited about as I have been intrigued about their new collection for a while now.
I have never really been one for ‘Technic’ make-up to be honest, but the quality of their new products actually surprised me. It’s not the best, but it is certainly workable and I managed to create a very natural, and ‘girly’ look with the products kindly sent to me. A bit out of my comfort zone as I normally prefer warm colours for my eye make-up.

For starters, the eyeshadow palette featured some gorgeous colours. Each colour compliments each other really well and there’s a mixture of matte and shimmer shades which is always a bonus.The only negative thing I would say is that the colours aren’t that pigmented (besides a few exceptions) and so, don’t blend very well together. However, it is workable, and for the price, can definitely still be used.


Now onto the colour corrector palette. I fortunately don’t really struggle with breakouts and spots as much as others, so I didn’t get as much use out of this product to give a whole review on it. However, I used the ‘green-y’ shade to cover up a couple of spots that were lingering on my face, and it did the job.


The highlighter palette is something that I have been longing to use for so long. If anyone knows me, you’ll know that I am a complete sucker for highlighters, and this one was no exception. The highlighter was quite glory, but seemed more pigmented on my finger than how it turned out on my skin. All in all, I don’t think I would choose the highlighter first over some of my other favourites (including my make-up revolution and MUA ones), but I will probably reach for it again on a more ‘natural’ make-up day.


Last but not least, onto the product from this range that I have been most excited to use… the lipstick. The lipstick surprisingly doesn’t have a shade name or number (which is a bit odd), but I would describe it as a plum / pink toned colour. It is definitely my favourite product from what was sent as the colour can work well with a ‘dressy up’ sort of style, or even natural.


This selection of products are perfect for beginners who want to experiment with make-up without spending too much money. The price is extremely affordable, and it definitely does the job!

Have you tried any of Technic’s new collection? Let me know in the comment box below!

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

Products featured:

  • ‘Mega Nudes 3’ eyeshadow palette. (here)
  • ‘Colour fix’ colour corrector. (here)
  • ‘Strobe kit’ highlighter palette. (here)
  • Lipstick (with vitamin E). (here)

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Empowerment | Feminism | General blog posts | Uncategorized

'A strong, independent woman.'

By on January 28, 2017


Okay so it’s nearly 12am and it’s been a while since I have plucked up a sudden ‘urge’ to write a blog post over something that makes my mind bounce and my heart flutter. When I get a sudden rush of writing inspiration, I normally get all weird inside and it’s like my thoughts run at 100 miles per hour so bare with me on this one.

Ladies, here’s a thought for you. A thought that people seem to mention all the time, but which has actually stuck with me tonight. Do not, EVER, let a man define your worth. Never. If a man is unable to cherish and appreciate you for who you are, then that’s his loss. Obviously, this applies to anyone in life, just like a man never letting a woman define his worth, but I’m talking about this in relation to something that’s been whirling round in my life.

I could’ve easily have let someone define my worth a long time ago. In fact, I touched on this in my ‘A conclusion’ post. But I am so incredibly glad that I didn’t make that mistake. And I am so incredibly glad that I am strong enough in myself to turn round and say, “You know what? That wasn’t what I needed.”

Because a person’s actions against you, does not define you. Have confidence in your own self to know what you deserve, and it should be nothing but the best.

You don’t find your worth in a man. You find your worth within yourself and then find a man who’s worthy of you. Remember that.

I feel like I’m going on a ‘women independence’ tangent right now, but I feel like this has to be reflected upon. I am so fortunate to have the mindset of independence and empowerment. To be strong enough to not let a man rule me, my life or my emotions. To know that being single can still be one of the best things. Because I don’t need anyone, and I never have. Wanting, and needing are two totally different things.

So, to whoever took me for granted, good effort. Thank you for making me feel more empowered, confident, independent and strong than I have ever felt in my life. Thank you for filling me with the courage to do better, and be better. And thank you for making me my own worth- which is certainly not shaped by your actions.

Stay fearless.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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