General blog posts | Me & my life | Motivation | Uncategorized

You don't have an endless amount of time

By on October 26, 2016


As dark and depressing as this may sound, I often sit there and reflect on the concept of death. About how I can make my life the best life it can be before I die. I am more than aware that life is not endless and I don’t have forever to live, so I am a strong believer in making the most of it while I’m here and while I can. I also mentioned this in my blog post on When I die.

I plan to make the most out of life, and that includes making the most of the people I love and care about the most around me. Just like you don’t live forever, neither do the people around you. A few years ago, I lost my best friend and the person I was closest to above everyone else in this world (my grandma). That’s when this concept really started to hit me and I became intrigued with the idea of making the most of people around you while they’re still here.

If you’re mad at someone for some small issue, resolve it. Forgive, and move on. In my experience, life is too short to make enemies and continue to feud with someone over something which simply won’t matter when you die. If you’re going through a hard and stressful time in your life at the moment, it’s okay. Look forward. You have so many more years left to offer this world, and so many more years to make some amazing memories which will stay with you and others.

The fact of the matter is that some things simply don’t matter. In fact, one of my most favourite pieces from Milk and Honey explores this idea really well. Your job, Where you’re sitting. At the end of the day, none of that matters. Look and seek the most important things; love, human connection, forgiveness. Trust me when I say this, you will be such a happier person for it.

A lot of people tend to question me on why I forgive, or why I try to make effort with people when they may hate me. But at the end of the day, life is too short to not take those opportunities. That person who I’m fretting over hating me could actually be an okay person. That person who requires forgiveness may have been going through a rough time to cause their actions. Forgiving and forgetting are two separate ideas; and forgiveness isn’t naive.

I don’t have a life philosophy for the fun of it. I don’t sit here and blog about positivity because I want to be some inspirational speaker that thinks we live in a world with unicorns and rainbows (although that would be pretty cool). If that’s how you perceive my blog, then that couldn’t be further from the truth. I blog about these kind of things because life is too short to not strive for them. Because life is too short to not seize opportunities, rekindle lost loves if you really want to, or to not live your life exactly how you want. You are in control of your life, no one else.

People aren’t around forever. If you want to try and get someone, go for it. If you want to wear clothes that are unique but make you feel good, go for it. If you want to tattoo your whole body, go for it. Yeah, people may judge. But at the end of the day, what do you want from life?

One of my biggest fears is living life in regret. In wishing that I applied for a ‘dream job’ when I got the chance. In not being with who I’m meant to be with because I was too stubborn to be honest when it comes to my feelings. In letting myself down, and those around me. In being a failure to myself and I certainly don’t plan on that.

My main message that I hope comes from this rambling piece of 1am writing is that life doesn’t last forever. Some things are too insignificant in this world to be fretting over and sometimes our stubborn personalities can take over us sometimes, and that’s okay (trust me, I’m so incredibly stubborn). But it’s never too late to forgive. It’s never too late to rekindle the relationship of the person you love the most and you feel you’re meant to be with. It’s never too late to change your outlook and mindset on life, and it’s never too late to start living and feel alive.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Empowerment | General blog posts | Me & my life | Motivation | Uncategorized

Who I am now

By on October 23, 2016


“Hype That.” Over the past 4 months or so, I have undergone some major changes in my life which has helped shape and develop me as a person. It has been a whole collective of learning curves, and I haven’t finished learning yet.

I have been told by the people around me especially how much of a change they have seen in me since I have undergone this ‘change.’ Although my fundamental values of a person are the same, and I am still as happy and bubbly as I was 4 months ago; I feel like new life experiences have made me stronger and given me the experience I needed to become a better person and do better.

One thing I was always scared to do was push toxic people out of my life. I thought that if I did this, I would eventually be left with no one and end up having no friends at the end of the day. This could not be further from the truth. Cutting negative vibes out of my life is the best thing I ever did for myself. From cutting out friends who clearly aren’t “friends” anymore, to realising my own worth. I now know who I need surrounding me in my life- and like the title suggests… like it or lump it.

I won’t be the subject of someone’s constant abuse, or won’t be the subject of someone who constantly puts me down. I will not surround myself with someone that makes me feel any less of a person. I am a human, and I deserve to be treated and respected like one.

When it comes to my own confidence, I have hit a massive milestone and I couldn’t be prouder of myself. Although I have already given an insight into this in some of my previous blog posts, I went from being someone who physically hated their appearance (and beating themselves up for that), to someone who can step out of the house into public and say to myself, “You know what? I am quite confident in my appearance today.” 

When it comes to my mental health, I am getting better in some ways. I’m in the mindset now of I can conquer this. And I can, and I will. I am getting help, and I’m not ashamed of that anymore. I am happy, and I will confidently flaunt that. Every little thing I have overcome this year has made me stronger. From my generalized anxiety disorder getting worse, to putting myself back on track. From going through my first break-up, to bouncing back from that doing and being a better person. From getting rid of false friends because I know who is and isn’t good for me, my life and my health.

You either accept who I am now, or you don’t. It’s as simple as that. But who I am now is good for me, and has put me in a position in my life that I’m proud of. In a weird way, I am grateful for everything that life has thrown at me this past year. It’s part of my life journey, and it’s giving me the experience I need in order to develop in myself.

The moments that make me the proudest are those in which people who surround me tell me I look happier, tell me I’m doing well, or that I have changed for the better. It makes me realise that all my progress is worth it and although I don’t live to please others anymore, having their acknowledgement of my development is very humbling and something I can use as motivation to continue to do and be better.

This is not to say that the old me has gone. The old me is still here, and all the values I held 4 months ago are still the same. But, I’m more developed. I’m happier, and I’ve made changes to my lifestyle. The old fundemental parts of me are still around, I’m now just the “upgraded” version of who I was previously.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Empowerment | General blog posts | Me & my life | Motivation | Uncategorized

An exploding, happy heart

By on October 12, 2016


I figured I would write this blog post now while I’m in this liberating mindset rather than wait until tomorrow even though it’s 1am and my eyes are shutting as I’m typing this.

However, I feel as though happiness is something that deserves to be expressed and shared. In a world full of such negative energy, sometimes it’s good to have that contrast and to talk about something other than all the negative and upsetting things this world has to offer at the moment.

Nevertheless, I wanted to write this post from a place of genuine happiness. From a place of someone who is finally coming into their own, and a place of reflection above anything else. If you have followed my blog for the past 3 months, you may have become aware of the fact that I’m an avid thinker. I spend my life thinking, overthinking, and analysing everything and anything.

Whilst thinking about everything tonight, I immediately became overwhelmed with a sudden feeling of pure happiness, something which is always my goal to achieve. If I’m going to be completely honest, I never would have thought 3 weeks ago that I would be sat here writing a post about happiness. If any of you read my blog posts from then, a few of them where quite muffled and not my usual style of writing. I was in a pretty bad state, and I think my blog posts at the time where a reflection of that unfortunately. I was in a bad place emotionally, and probably the worst I’ve been, ever. It became a task for me to leave the house, and it felt like the whole world was slowly suffocating me.

It was honestly difficult for me to pick myself back up and decide to keep working towards being genuinely happy again. When you’re in that draining mindset, it tends to keep sucking you in more and more. My moods tend to switch over periods of time, and that’s something which scares me about my anxiety. I can be strong for months, and then crumble in the space of a day.

But here I am. I’m still here, and I’m a lot calmer. After reflecting on everything, I decided to keep moving forward and to try to get myself back on track again.

You know that kind of happiness where you sit there and just smile, but also want to cry at the same time? That’s how overwhelmed I’m feeling at the moment. If any of you follow me on Twitter or Instagramyou may have noticed that a lot of my pictures involve me smiling more; and I think that says it all. After trying to pretend to everyone around me these past couple of weeks that I’m totally fine, I have come back with genuine smiles and a genuine sense of me again.

It’s never too late to pick yourself up from a fall. It’s never too late to put yourself back on track and continue to get to where you want to go in life. I view these past couple of weeks as a ‘bump in the road’ sort of thing- something I managed to overcome, and something I’m sure I can, and will, overcome again next time.

Nothing seems to phase me at the moment. You could honestly say what you want about me, and I won’t sit there and worry about it for a good week and make myself ill. I think that just proves how much my mind has revamped itself in the past week, and I’m incredibly happy and relieved to be in a good, positive, healthy place again.

So here I am. My blog has, and always will be, a personal reflection of my life, my state of mind and everything in between. I plan to share everything here, because it’s my own personal space in the corner of the internet. Although this post was pretty personal, I feel so much better for getting it out there- even if 2 people read this post. Because the fact of the matter is that happiness deserves to be celebrated, and progress deserves to be recognised. This post won’t just act as a reminder for myself when I’m at a low point again, but also to anyone else who is in a similar frame of mind like how I was 2-3 weeks ago.

Treat this as a ‘bump in the road’ and never waver from the long term goal of happiness. Although it may not be achievable all the time, it certainly is achievable and not impossible.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Does life need to be so complicated?

By on October 8, 2016


I feel like I constantly allude to this all the tine. The idea that life seems so complicated, but when we take a step back and completely strip life down.. is it really?

I feel as though life being complicated is a very personal thing. As humans, we can naturally make situations complicated as well as societal expectations also playing a part. For example, relationships. I have always said this, but some people who love each other aren’t together, and some people who don’t love each other are together. That’s the sad reality of it all. We sometimes seem to make excuses as to why we “can’t” be together with someone but if you really think about it, people can find a way to be together and make it work. I don’t know, maybe I’m very idealistic.

I am living in this very liberating mindset at the moment of “just do it.” In fact, it seems to be my life motto at the moment. I wanted my tattoo for months and as soon as I was 18 I thought, “what’s stopping me?” and got it. I’ve wanted to travel to Leeds for so long, and I finally had an opportunity to go. I wanted to make excuses when it came to not going but I thought, “why not?” and ended up having the best time. I go on spontaneous days out because I can. 

Everyone seems to tell me to enjoy my life at 18, and trust me, that’s exactly what I am doing. I feel like my life starts now and there’s no point in complicating things and making excuses as to why I won’t fulfill something I’ve wanted to for so long.

Ever since I’ve decluttered my life, I have felt a lot happier, and I’m pretty sure the people closest to me has seen that change in me too. When you think about it, you have this amazing life in front of you just waiting to be written- and you can write your story however you want. You can either live life complicating things and live in regret, or you can just do things because you can. Determination.

If you take anything away from this post, I hope you reflect on life in general and where you’re going. I hope you ask yourself, “is this really what I want?” and if it isn’t, fix it. Things are never as bad as they seem, and you can honestly get through anything. Write your story and make it pretty damn amazing because you deserve nothing less.

In some ways, complications are the product of a humans personal choice. We always have a choice, and we always have chance to change things if we wish. Sometimes it’s not easy. Being in love with someone who doesn’t love you, isn’t easy. Trying to reach for your dream job and getting knocked back so many times that you begin to loose hope isn’t easy. But keep fighting. You’ll find a way to get there in the end.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Me & my life | Mental health | Motivation | Uncategorized

Why my anxiety will never win

By on October 1, 2016


It’s not a secret that I have anxiety. Hi, yes I panic over people hating me, my friends not wanting to be my friends, and being a burdern to everyone in my life. Sounds dark when I put it like that, but it isn’t. I’m happy and positive 95% of the time. 

As completely irrational as it may sound to someone who has never had mental health issues before, it’s like constantly living with a ‘linger.’ It’s going to sleep happy you’ve had a ‘good day’ with low anxiety levels, and then waking up the next day and for some reason having a ‘bad day.’

When I talk about my anxiety, I am normally open about the thoughts and feelings that ferociously overflow my mind. As dark and depressing as it may sound, I live my life in the fear of people hating me. I could say something, and beat myself up over it for a good 3 days afterwards. I could worry about being alone and having no one whilst I have an amazing support group of people that surround me.

I recently had an encounter which made me extremely anxious. One thing I hate is being stared at and ridiculed, which happened to me recently and left my anxiety sky high. Although many people may have either brushed this off, or approached the person responsible and started an argument; this event left me house bound for 2 days. I had to drag myself out of the house on the following Tuesday. I was so displaced in who I was that I began to believe that I deserved to be mocked and humiliated- when I clearly don’t. The reason why I was put in that uncomfortable position is still a mystery to me, but it was the effects after what happened which triggered my anxiety to the worst point it’s been (probably ever).

When it comes to my anxious thoughts, I take comfort in a ‘safe place’ where I can talk to someone and let my thoughts and feelings out in complete confidence. Although my ‘safe place’ is no longer around, I have created my own ‘safe place’ in myself with a general plan of what to do when my anxiety reaches frightening points and I simply feel hopeless.

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a blog post on my new semi colon tattoo. In all honesty, my tattoo has helped act as a personal reminder that my story is not ready to end. Shoutout to my anxiety- you will not win. Although I reach points of such hopelessness, separation and displacement; my high anxious times normally pass. I am a lot stronger than I give myself credit for, and sometimes being reminded of that helps me realise that my anxiety and my anxious thoughts don’t deserve to impact so much on my health and it’s all about control.

As completely absurd as this may seem to someone who struggles with anxiety like me, I now also put myself in purposeful anxious positions to show myself that I can do it. When I am in the right frame of mind, I become determined enough to order my own food, go out on my own, go to events by myself or even silly things like walking down a busy street and turning round to go in a different direction. When this blog post goes up, I’ll be at the Bloggers Blog Award event on my own. I would never have done that 3 months ago.

My anxiety does not difine me. It’s as simple as that. Ironically, I am a pretty happy and positive person. Just because my brain is wired differently compared to other people doesn’t suddenly mean that I am dark and depressed all the time. Because the reality is, I’m not. I am finally at a point where I’m understanding my mental health. Where I am ready to say “HI ANXIETY YOU WILL NOT WIN,” but also accept that it’s okay if I have a ‘bad day’ because it’s going to happen. Where I have finally plucked up the courage to admit that I need help in order to help keep my anxiety under control (yes, after months of waiting and years of putting it off after fear, I have finally been referred to a mental health clinic). Small, but positive steps… right?

My anxiety will always be there in some shape or form. The sad thing about mental health illnesses, is that they don’t just disappear. It will always linger, and it will always be a constant battle. Just because I seem happy one day doesn’t automatically mean that the thoughts of hopelessness and the fear of people completely hating me just don’t go away like magic. But who I fundamentally am and my personality will always be bigger and a more dominant part of me than my anxiety. Because I’ve accepted that I can suffer from anxiety, and love making friends. I can suffer from anxiety, and still be independent. My mental health will not replace the fundamental qualities of who I am.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Me & my life | Motivation | Uncategorized

My life philosophy

By on September 28, 2016

Who I am. What I’m about. Who I’m becoming. If you’ve been following my blog for the past 3 months, you may have heard me refer to my life philosophy. A philosophy that consists on me being a good, nice, genuine person and never wavering from that goal.

My life philosophy isn’t achievable automatically though. I have to make mistakes, do wrong, and work on those mistakes to help make myself a better person. I’ve done things over the past 4 months especially I wish I’d done it differently. But I’m not perfect, but who I am, and who I’m becoming is still the same.

I am also a big believer in forgiveness and being humble. It’s certainly not as easy said as done when someone hurts you immensely, or when someone tries to argue with you and I feel the need to be passive. I would rather live my life being passive and humble to the world around me, rather than anything else. I’m not a big believer in “drama,” and never have been. I understand some people enjoy drama and gossip, but it’s just not me. I would rather keep my distance and exist in my own happy lil bubble- as I call it anyway.

I feel like I’m a hard person to understand. I’m complicated. Sometimes me being different can be a good thing, and other times it can scare me. “What if people think I’m fake?” I’m constantly surrounded by “what if’s” when it comes to my life, and with the fear of people not understanding my life philosophy.

But when you simplify it, all I want to be and become is a good, nice, genuine person who puts others first. As idealistic as it may sound, that’s just who I am. That’s my personality and how I’m programmed and that’s who I’m proud of. As much as people may hate me for it, this is me. Everything you’re reading regarding my life philosophy is me. I’m Becca and I just so happen to thrive off caring for others immensely and from always trying to do the right thing for the benefit of those I love most around me.

My life philosophy helps keep me on track and is extremely important to me. When it comes to other people, their perceptions and how they view me is a fundamental part of shaping who I am. Although I shouldn’t be worried about how people see me, my life philosophy keeps me focused on who I am. I understand that not everyone will understand me, and I’m pretty sure there are people out there who hate my guts. But I know who I am, and that has especially got me through the past couple of weeks. After hearing about someone’s false perception of who I am I suddenly realised, “You know what? I know who I am and that’s all that maters.”

I don’t normally get mad at myself for trying to be good to people. I know and understand that some people are reluctant to forgive, and be kind to others even if they’re not kind back. However, that’s their fault. You can’t put your own genuine personality on the line for someone else who doesn’t appreciate you. Stay true to who you are and everything you’re about, someone (somewhere) accepts and loves that about you.

That’s my life philosophy. The idea that I will always strive to have the best intentions of others at heart, to forgive and not hold grudges, to see both sides of the argument, and be nice and kind to others always. That doesn’t make me naive because I have recently cut out people in my life who are and were toxic to me. But I don’t hate them, and I never could. I do forgive them, but I also know what’s best for me. Live life to the fullest, as much as we may say it- we do truly only live once. “Make this life the best it can be.” Stay humble, always.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Empowerment | Me & my life | Motivation | relationships | Uncategorized

Am I good enough?

By on September 24, 2016

I have heard so many people refer to this idea. ‘Am I good enough for him / her?’ ‘Am I good enough for myself?’ As someone who battles anxiety on a daily basis, I constantly pressure myself to be good enough. It may sound completely stupid, but the impact I make on people’s lives, and how others perceive me as plays a big part in my life.

So, am I good enough? The answer is that I don’t know if I am good enough to others… but I shouldn’t have to be. I have reached a point where I’m good enough for myself and that’s all that matters. If I stick to the person who I want to be, and continue to grow in myself, then I’m completely happy with that.

There’s been times where I got so bogged down about not being good enough for someone. It was only a couple of months ago where I used to sit there and wish I wasn’t me, and I was a totally different person. It’s worrying how little I used to think about myself, and how I would constantly beat myself up over things that are simply out of my control.

As well as people, I occasionally have a tendency to tell myself my “blog isn’t good enough,” and the same goes with my writing and poetry. I presssure myself to be perfect, but perfection is out of my reach. At the end of the day, my blog may not have “top class” writing, or my poems may not be like Shakespeare, but I’m happy to create these pieces of writing and continue to develop and better them over time (so basically please bare with me!) I guess this is the main reason why I simply get so overwhelmed when someone compliments my writing, or tell me they can relate to me and my thoughts. It’s crazy to imagine that my writing is good enough to someone.

To be completely honest, I feel extremely vulnerable and sensitive when I refer to this topic. It’s hard for me to reflect back on when I felt utterly hopeless, and that I could never live up to people’s expectations. I spent the whole of my last relationship worried about “not being good enough,” and him deserving ten times better than the person I was. I’ve soon began to realise that it wasn’t fair on either of us for me to think that. There was a reason I was in a relationship with him, and maybe I’m not as much of a bad person as I think I am.

It baffles me when people tell me I’m “one of the most amazing people they’ve ever met” or that I “light up their life even a little bit.” I’ve never seen that in myself, and I’ve always strived to be good to everyone and impact on their lives, but never thought I’d ever reached those goals. Granted, I don’t believe it when I get told this. Maybe because I’m extremely insecure and only just coming to terms and being happy in myself.

One thing I’ve noticed about myself is how I physically hate myself for not being good enough. I was thinking about this the other day, and came to the conclusion that everything everyone hates or dislikes in me, I’m already aware of, and I’ve hated about myself at one point too. If you’re going to point out why I’m not good enough for you, I already know and I’ve already realised it. When it comes down to it, I felt like I wasn’t good enough for the person I loved and cared for the most because of this very reason and that’s pretty scary.

On the flip side, don’t expect others to be ‘good enough’ for you. If they’re trying their hardest, then that’s all that matters. There’s nothing worse than someone feeling so emotional and under pressure over the thought of not being good enough for someone or living up to people’s standards- trust me, you’re doing okay just being you.

When overcoming these dominant and toxic thoughts, I’ve noticed that the only person you need to be good enough for is yourself. If someone hates you, or if someone misunderstands you and judges you, that’s their problem. I will not turn into people’s negative expectations, and I’ll continue doing me and being happy in me. I deserve to give myself credit where credit is due. I’m far from perfect, but there must be some things that make people want to have me in their lives- even if they’re small.

The bottom line is that you won’t please everyone, and that’s okay. I have people who probably hate my guts and can’t stand me. But the people who know me certainly know I’m not what other people perceive me as. Deep down, there’s someone in me that gets lost. Someone in me that feels so low about themselves. But there’s also someone who knows that I only have to please myself. And guess what? I’m pretty happy with myself at the moment. I’m making the right decisions. I’m making positive steps forward to recovery, and I’m constantly bettering myself and my lifestyle. It’s taken a lot of strength and patience for me to get here, and that’s friggen amazing. Even though people may judge you, you’re good enough for me and you’re certainly good enough for yourself.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Want 20% off your order at Coconut-Lane? Use the code ‘beccajayne20’ at the checkout to redeem…. go on! Why not treat yourself?

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Empowerment | Me & my life | Mental health | Motivation | Uncategorized

Don't apologise for who you are

By on September 21, 2016



This seems like such a bold statement, and in some ways, it is. You are a human being, and you shouldn’t be defined by expectations. Embrace your uniqueness and quirkiness and don’t apologise to anyone who puts that down.

Embrace who you are, and who you’re becoming. It’s such a learning process, and it deserves to be shouted about- not neglected. I am not for one minute suggesting that you shouldn’t apologise for malicious actions of wrongdoing- that’s a whole other topic. 

When it comes down to it, if everyone was the same the world would be so boring. I feel as though we seem to make this point all the time, but it’s incredibly accurate. We live in a world with a mixture of wonderful human beings. Each with their own unique souls and traits. For one quality you hold, someone else lacks and vise versa. I don’t know about you, but that makes your qualities you do hold even more special. There’s no one else like you in this world. 

And if someone makes you apologise for who you are, then make them apologise. Make them apologise for making you feel any less than worthy of existing in your own skin. If someone tells you to stop laughing, laugh harder. If someone asks you why you’re always happy, throw your positive vibes in their face. For every one thing that someone dislikes about you, someone else adores. You’re pretty rad, I’ll give you that. 

There will always be people that may dislike you, and that’s okay. You could be the kindest, most compassionate person, and still have people dislike you and what you’re about. Let them. Use that as motivation to be yourself even more. You are who you are, and if anyone shames that, then they are not worth your precious time. If someone doesn’t give you the time of day to flaunt your incredible personality, then that’s their loss. For someone who constantly lets people’s false perceptions of myself get to me, I’ve realised it’s not worth it. Find enough confidence within yourself to tell yourself, “I’m actually a pretty decent human being.”  (You’re most likely right with that point).

When it comes to myself, I often apologise for who I am and for things which are simply out of my control. I have slowly began to realise that I simply shouldn’t.

I am at a point in my own self right now where I am confident and happy in who I am, and who I’m becoming most importantly. My little life philosophy consists of simply being a good, nice person, and I will never apologise for that. I’ve set myself personal goals of who I want to be, and what I want to achieve; and although I may fail at that sometimes, the ambition never wavers. I am who I am. And I am who I’m becoming.

On the mental health side of things, I shouldn’t have to apologise for that either. I shouldn’t have to and will not apologise for having a panic attack, or high anxious moments because it happens. It’s out of my control, and it can’t be helped.

Overall, ‘you’ is pretty amazing. Wear it. Flaunt it. Shout it from the roof tops. Strive to do better and be better, but don’t apologise in the process. You are totally fine and wonderful exactly as you are and that deserves to be reminded more. I’m not some girl saying this for the sake of it. It genuinely upsets me how many glorious people are around who simply don’t realise it. That one is for you reading this. I believe there is good in everyone, and that includes you.

Just because the colour shade your wearing is different to someone else’s, doesn’t make you any less important or your ‘colour’ any less spectacular. 

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Want 20% off your order at Coconut-Lane? Use the code ‘beccajayne20’ at the checkout to redeem…. go on! Why not treat yourself?

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Connect:

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Empowerment | General blog posts | Me & my life | Motivation | Poetry and writing | Uncategorized

An overflow of words

By on September 17, 2016


Whatever comes to mind. When sat at my iMac trying to write endless posts about what goes on in my life and the world around me; I came up with this concept of an overflow of words- which is exactly what this blog post is going to be about.

The past week has been an important learning curve for me. Whilst I have beaten myself up and struggled to find who I am again, I have also learnt how to get my self confidence back. I am who I am, and as much as it upsets me when people hate me; I cannot help who I am fundamentally and I am extremely proud of the person I am turning into. Life is a learning process, and I am learning more and more every day.

When writing about my thoughts and feelings, I also like to pour my overflow of words into the concept of love. I am completely drawn in by the whole idea of love- and that mainly happens unintentionally. Love is this amazing, overpowering connection of human affection and it’s something we take for granted every day. I mainly use my past experiences to write little pieces of poetry, and although this is a piece which is far from perfect, it is something that jumps out at me when I talk about this very concept.

You made me the angriest, the saddest and yet the happiest. You were like the calm sea and the storm all at once.

Pretty cliche metaphor right? Well, have you ever loved someone who you feel is unlovable? If you take anything away from this post at all, I hope you love like it’s the only thing you know how to. Embrace your feelings. Remind people their loved- whether that’s your partner, friend, family member, even your pet goldfish, or anything in between. I regret putting my guard up when it comes to loving someone. I pretend I don’t love them so I don’t get hurt. Let it happen. It’s natural, it’s okay and it’s totally normal. 

And then we have an overflow of words about my life philosophy. How I live is pretty simple- love, be kind and compassionate, forgive, and try to look forward always. If I am going to live this life, I am going to make it the best it can be. A lot of people don’t understand me as a person, and that’s okay. I like being unique. I like the fact that I’m blind in one eye, or I have the dorkiest personality. I like how I thrive off meeting new people and making new friends. This is genuinely me. Everything you read about on this blog is me, my thoughts and my life. 

Maybe i’ll write this and include no punctuation

so the reader can just concentrate on the words

and that’s it

the meaning behind this piece of writing

the fact that mental health is still stigmitised

or we stll live in a world with patriarchy and inequality

quiet

the hush of someone so insecure in themselves due to the pressure

the pressure

of not being good enough

pretty enough

and just like there’s no punctuation used in

this

small

piece

of

writing

maybe this world can change

one

person

at

a

time.

beauty.

equality.

love.

kindness.

compassion.

They deserve grammar.

And the main reason behind my overflow of words? To free myself. To apologise for hurting you, or for wanting to go back in time but not being able to. For admitting that I can still be happy in myself, but also miss the past. This “you” I am referring to could be anyone. In fact, it could refer to everyone in my life right now. This is my escape, because the truth is, I will never stop caring about the people around me. I will never stop embracing the shiz out of who I am. I will never feel guilty about my emotions because that’s what makes me human. That’s what makes me feel alive.

Missing someone is a lot deeper than just missing the memories if you actually valued them. It’s about missing them as a person, and missing caring. Everything else that comes with it. 

My overflow of words is a way of freedom for my mind. Maybe I should open my mind more and listen.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Want 20% off your order at Coconut-Lane? Use the code ‘beccajayne20’ at the checkout to redeem…. go on! Why not treat yourself?

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Twitter: @beccaxjayne

Instagram: itsbeccajayne

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Me & my life | Mental health | Motivation | Uncategorized

It's okay not to be okay

By on September 14, 2016


We all have experienced points in our life when we’re “not okay.” But do we sometimes pressure ourselves too much sometimes to be okay and not accept that not being okay is totally normal?

As someone who has severe anxiety, both social and general, there are times when I get into really bad and scary states. I get angry at myself for having panic attacks, for nearly throwing up, or for hysterically crying on the floor about things that shouldn’t matter. I get the feeling that everyone is out to judge me and that me not being okay is me not being the person I aim to be which couldn’t be further from the truth.

Of course, I try my hardest to be an overall happy and positive person. If anyone knows me personally, you’ll know that that’s normally the case. In my mind, having ‘bad days’ is me letting myself down- and I’m my own biggest enemy. I judge myself and I pressure myself too much to be okay, without realising that it’s okay not to be okay.

This especially applies to my life and state of mind at the moment. After living my life for the past 2 months in complete happiness, I am slowly beginning to have anxiety attacks regularly again. I have waves of being okay and totally fine, to having panic attacks daily and I’ve noticed that this has been the case with my anxiety for a while.

In some ways, my state of mind is very contradictive at the moment. I’ve reached a stage where I’m confident in myself (especially in my body and appearance- it’s been a long time coming), and in who I want to become. At the same time however, I have been through some of the worst anxiety attacks I’ve ever had at the moment. I beat myself up over this- and blame myself. After all, it’s me who believes that everyone hates me, so how do I get back out of this vicious circle?

The solution? It’s okay not to be okay. It will pass. Let your body and mind have their ‘moments,’ and see past them. I’m a big believer in looking forward, not back, and that’s exactly where I’m heading right now. I have so many amazing things coming up in my life, with my blog; and life in general, and I have to go through the bad points to come out to the good. That’s why it’s okay not to be okay- not only because it’s human nature to not be okay sometimes, but also because not being okay helps make me stronger and more fearless to my anxious thoughts.

This is a message to all of you reading this right now: no one expects you to be happy all the time. You could be the happiest, bubbly, most positive person going and still have ‘off days.’ Trust me, it’s okay not to be okay sometimes. That’s what makes you most alive.

lil extra note: It would be very humbling to me if you could nominate me for a Cosmopolitan Influencers Award in the category Best Newcomer here. Here are also all the details you’ll need:

Thank you! xo

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Want 20% off your order at Coconut-Lane? Use the code ‘beccajayne20’ at the checkout to redeem…. go on! Why not treat yourself?

————————-

Connect:

Twitter: @beccaxjayne

Instagram: itsbeccajayne

Snapchat: itssbeccajayne

Bloglovin’: Click here to never miss a blog post from me!

Facebook: Itsbeccajayne

Feel free to drop me a tweet etc xo

 

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