body positivity | Empowerment | Motivation

Making the most of ‘me’

By on September 4, 2017

Like many other people, I have grown up having my fair share of self-confidence issues. At times, I refused to look myself in the mirror. Or get in pictures with friends. It got to the point where it was so exhausting hating the body that I lived in, but I didn’t see another way out. View this as cliche as you want to, but occasionally these issues do need to be addressed.

So what happened? Did I magically wake up one day and think, “You know what? I actually like the body I live in.” Definitely not. Because the fact is, it took me a long ass time to accept myself.

No matter how many times friends and family members would compliment me, I never saw it. It was literally just words that correlated to no meaning. I was so set on the fact that I was ‘this’ and ‘that,’ and nothing was going to change my point of view.

The key thing that enabled me to gain confidence was patience within myself. We all seem to think that you’ll be ‘told you’re good enough’ and then automatically feel it. It may be easy to believe that it is the sort of thing that changes overnight, but it certainly isn’t. Bit by bit, I picked things about myself that I hated; and spun them into positives.

I realised that I can’t change how I look. And for a while, that was the sad reality of it all. I spent so long wanting to compare myself to others, and sitting in the background because my friends were ‘prettier’ than me and had ‘nicer hair.’ But I’m just me. I’m my own little unique living thing. I wear glasses because I can’t see. And that’s okay. I have naturally big thighs, and that’s okay. Sometimes my hair does this weird thing where it doesn’t want to style, and that’s okay. I have a baby face. I don’t have any stand out features. But the fact of the matter is that I am not the prettiest dime in the box, and I never, and still don’t, aim to be.

There’s a clear difference between obnoxiously loving yourself, and loving yourself in a way of acceptance and confidence. Because I am just me *shrugs.* I’m dorky. I like making people laugh. I like making memories with my best friends. I like travelling. I like embarrassing myself on the internet. I like how yeah I may not have any common sense, but I’m sure as hell not stupid. I like having the ability to be that one person who will make people laugh when the room may feel tense.

For so long, I lived my life beating myself up over something which was completely out of my control. No surgery, make-up, or anything else will change the fundamental qualities of you. Mate, embrace that shit. Embrace the small things. The big things. Even the in-between quirky things. Because I’m sick and tired of seeing people feel less than worthy because standards of beauty or so high nowadays. Or because we’re all expected to act a certain way, rather than simply embracing ! who ! we ! are ! I am not everyone’s cup of tea, and I don’t care. The main reasoning behind this post is to acknowledge the fact that I am me. And whoever that ‘me’ is, is okay. Because I’m different. And everyone truly is unique.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Me & my life | Mental health | Motivation | Uncategorized

An update on everything 'life'

By on February 15, 2017

I pondered over whether or not I wanted to write all this and publish it on here, but I also came to the conclusion that my blog was created as my own little space to write whatever I wanted, so here I am.

To be honest, I thought I would miss a blog post upload this week- or even a few. I have been so stressed out lately, so wrapped up in emotions, that I have completely deteriorated myself again. I decided to take a step back from everything and everyone for a while (as much as I hate doing this), so me writing this blog post right now is pretty much a miracle.

If you have been reading my blog since September (ish), you’ll be aware that I was referred for ‘cognitive behavioural therapy’ for my anxiety. At the time of my referral, it felt like I was screaming out for some sort of help and support. Some things are hard to cope with on your own, and at the time, I was finding it extra difficult. Anyway, 5 months on (yes, the waiting list was meant to be 9 weeks BUT), I finally have my appointment and I begin therapy next week.

I have recently seen myself become fragmented when it comes to those around me. I don’t feel like I’m ‘me’ at the moment, and I have certainly lost all energy to go out and socialise with friends. It feels like I’m in that bubble again, but I am pushing myself slowly but surely. I am going to the gym tomorrow, and I am trying to get out of the house as much as possible.

As I feel myself going backwards again, I feel like the phone call about my therapy appointment came at the perfect time. It feels like I’m ‘sticking it out’ until next Wednesday and I’m trying so incredibly hard to stay calm, positive and healthy.

Because of this, I have taken myself away from most social media sites for a while, at least. A little ‘me’ time. A time for me to regroup and find myself again if you like. I am an avid believer that as amazing as social media is, and as supportive as it can be, sometimes it can be unhealthy for the mind and taking a step back from it sometimes isn’t necessarily a bad thing. (Ironic seen as I’m looking at studying digital marketing at university next year but that’s another topic for another day).

But, these past few weeks have also had a ton of positives. I got a new job !!!! I am trying out new things, and broadening my horizons as they say, and I feel like this job is the perfect opportunity for that. I am extremely overwhelmed at myself for having the confidence to go to an interview, smash it, and come out with a contracted job with an okay pay. Onwards and upwards.

I feel like my life is changing again, and I have noticed that I get to my worst points when this happens. I don’t know if it’s because I don’t take well to change, or to life going in a different direction than planned; but I think taking time out to myself, starting my new job, and starting therapy again will work out for the positive in the end.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Empowerment | Me & my life | Motivation | Uncategorized

A life change

By on February 8, 2017


You are in control of your own life. Your own desires. Your future. Who belongs in your life, and who doesn’t.

I was back thinking again the other day, and I especially reflected on how my life has changed dramatically since this time last year. Some people I was friends with last year, I am no longer friends with; and the people who I am friends with now, I wasn’t friends with a year ago. To me, it’s crazy how drastically things can change and who you thought would stay in your life, simply hasn’t.

I’ve also thought about my own ‘change.’ As much as I am a strong believer that at the end of the day, most people don’t end up totally changing, I’ll call my own transition over the past year or so simply ‘growing up.’ Things have happened, that have made me stronger. My mindset has improved. My outlook on things have improved. I will no longer settle being around people who make me feel less than good enough. (You can read more on this in my post about putting myself first).

I think at the beginning, people saw this transition as shocking and in some ways, that says it all. It was almost like the people who were taking me for granted, suddenly didn’t know what to do. Almost like they couldn’t control me anymore, and I’m so glad I let those people go.

I am an overly sensitive person. I constantly pressure myself to be liked by everyone, when in reality, that simply is impossible. I don’t take people leaving very well, and I certainly haven’t over the past year. But I have begun to slowly realise that those who do not want to be a part of my life, are not worthy of being in my life. That I should start to cherish those more who want to be around me, rather than those who tear me down.

And as for my own personality, I feel like I have almost ‘blossomed.’ The only way I can describe it as is, “I don’t care anymore.” I am me. I am loud. I talk way too much. I ramble and get deep about things that probably don’t need to be talked about. I have strong political views on equality, and life in general, and I like to express that!! (That explanation mark was clearly used as a “take that” to anyone who can’t handle that about me). But you know what?? I am real. I am happy expressing who I am. I don’t want to hide who I am anymore. And if people like me, then that’s great. And if they don’t, then that’s also okay… I am not going to be everyone’s cup of tea and ! that ! is ! fine !

To anyone who knew me a year ago; I am still the same Becca. Just better. Improved. More confident and empowered. The person inside me has not changed. I have just grown and found myself more and more.

To the amazing people who are still around, and still cherish me as a human being, thank you. To anyone who left my life for the better, thank you. It is because of each and every single person in my life (those present now, or those who have left), that I am sat here with the biggest smile on my face writing this. And I can proudly say- this is me.

I also made a YouTube video discussing this a bit more in detail if you are interested. Thank you for reading / watching. Enjoy.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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body positivity | Empowerment | Feminism | Motivation | Uncategorized

My body, my choice

By on February 4, 2017


So today I was casually looking to see if my outfit was okay in a mirror, and it got me thinking. Of course, I think in the most random of situations and circumstances, but bare with me on this one.

I know this is talked about a lot, and so we should do. Our bodies are our own and no one else’s. That means we can’t let people tell us what we “can” and “can’t” do with it (within legal boundaries of course). But even I still find myself doing things in order to please others.

What I do with my body is none of your business. Period. Let people breathe, and let people live. No one should be able to control what someone else does with their body, and no one should be able to judge.

Because the thing is, whatever I wear, however I decide to express my body and my body image, is due to my own confidence. Yes, confidence people. Low cut dresses. Jeans without a long top above it. They’re all things I have slowly learnt to overcome and I finally feel liberated, confident and happy in my body. Okay? Okay.

I’m growing up, and I’m sensible in expressing who I am with my body. I feel like body image is something everyone struggles with, and the power to overcome that is incredible.

I don’t know. Another rambled sort of post, full of complete expression of words, and passion for letting women, men, transgender people, anyone, feel confident enough to belong to their own body.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

 

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Me & my life | Motivation | Uncategorized

Some things are meant to be

By on January 21, 2017


Here I go again, writing and thinking about the deepest of things. I’m an avid thinker about life. It seems like it’s the only thing that constantly roams around my brain. From the past, to the future. To people present in my life, to people who used to be in my life.

One philosophy that I live by is definitely the idea that ‘life works in weird and wonderful ways’ and that everything really does happen for a reason. I don’t believe we all have a set plan, it’s up to us to decide what we do with our lives without it being pre-determined, but that things happen for the positive sometimes.

If you have read my blog since I started blogging (wow that seems like yesterday but I’ve been blogging for over 6 months now???) you may have noticed that I don’t take people leaving my life very well. I have lost people who I loved dearly, whether that’s friends or otherwise. See where I’m going with this? Nevertheless, I take comfort in knowing that these setbacks can lead to bigger and better.

It’s a bit like relationships. If you don’t break up with someone, then you can’t progress and do better. Whatever happens next will make break-ups seem like a complete blessing. I actually read something interesting on this yesterday and it really stood out to me.

There are hundreds of boys out there who are so much better to the ex you had previously. Think about it, this world is full of billions of people. Billions of unique, amazing people. Give it time.

I decided to add in that little quote that I typed on my notes when I was thinking about this for anyone who may be struggling with a break-up in general. This idea helped me immensely get over someone, and I hope that you can find comfort in this too.

When it comes to friends, well. All I will say is that you are in control of your own life. Don’t settle for second best, and take comfort in the idea that life will end up working itself out in the end. Sometimes there’s a bigger reason as to why we need to cut out people of our lives- even if we don’t manage to see it at the time.

Another rambling post, but you guys seem to enjoy these kind of posts where there’s no organisation and my thoughts just pour out onto my keyboard.Some things really were just meant to happen.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Motivation | relationships | Uncategorized

Choosing kindness

By on December 21, 2016


I’ll admit that some things in life, we don’t get to choose. Sometimes things are out of our hands, but I am a strong believer that happiness can be a choice.

I actually have a wooden wall hanging up in my room which says, “choose kindness and laugh often.” Kindness is something in which I try to do as best as I can and that quote really stood out to me.

You have probably heard this a million times, but you honestly don’t know what people are going through. If you are reading this right now, there has probably been a time in your life in which people have not been too kind when you need that kindness the most- and it really does ‘suck.’

We are not all going to be saints, and it’s probably impossible for people to be kind all the time. We’re human, it’s realistically not going to happen. But sometimes random acts of kindness are the best acts of kindness. The kind that are unexpected, and arguably mean the most. Whether it’s as small as giving one pound to charity, or even holding the door open for someone, you cannot deny the fact that the world would be a much more positive place if people chose kindness more often.

I actually read something the other day, and it seemed to really stand out to me:

“Don’t cross oceans for people who wouldn’t cross a puddle for you.”

“No. Do it. Do cross oceans for people. Love people. All people. No conditions attached. No wondering whether or not they are worthy. Cross OCEANS, climb MOUNTAINS, life and love isn’t about what you GAIN. It’s more about what you GIVE.”

I don’t have the original link to the picture which I quoted this from, but it is so unbelievable true. Sometimes you have to be kind to people who may not be kind to you. I don’t mean in a ‘naive’ sort of way, but more for your own mindset. I would much rather be a person with kind intentions, than a person who only has kind intentions when they receive something in return.

And hey, it’s nearly Christmas. That means the time for giving, kindness, and pure happiness. Even a small act of kindness can make a big difference; whether that’s on one person’s life, or thousands of lives. Never forget that.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Me & my life | Mental health | Motivation | Uncategorized

A mental health chat

By on November 30, 2016


I don’t think the main issue is me being ‘cured’ as such. When I open up about my anxiety, I openly know and accept that it will always linger and won’t ever go away.

It can get extremely scary sometimes. Being constrained to your own thoughts of utter hopelessness and feeling like the whole world is closing in on you. To be honest, I thought that those feelings were normal a year ago. I thought that it was something everyone went through on a daily basis, and that crying at 1am in the morning over people in my life ‘hating’ me was normal.

I was definitely never as open with my mental illness as I am now. I still struggle to explain to my parents regarding what is going on in my head because I feel like I’m going mad. I mean, how come I think all my friends hate me? How come I believe I’m a burden and no one wants to be around me anymore? It may sound completely irrational, but it’s real to me.

I denied the fact that I had anxiety. I refused to see anyone and get help because I believed that I was just wasting people’s time if i did seek help because obviously, others deserve it more than me. I turned into a train wreck. I turned into someone who I din’t recognise anymore, and that is one of the scariest things I’ve had to endure yet.

It’s not just ‘feeling anxious in public.’ As much as I have those days where I don’t want to leave my house because I feel physically sick at the thought of being in public, it’s a lot more than that. The thing with generalised anxiety disorder is that it’s like everything you imagine anxiety to be, and a whole lot more. I wish people understood that it was a lot more than just feeling ‘on edge’ now and then. Everyone gets anxious. It’s human nature. Anxiety however is more feeling anxious and a whole lot else on top of that.

There are still times where I sit up at 1am in the morning and have to go to the toilet because I feel like I’m going to throw up. The thought of going on a ‘night out’ excites me (don’t get me wrong), but I get extremely anxious before the event. i hate how busy it can get and how trapped I feel. I worry about getting drunk before alcohol has even entered my system. I go over scenarios in my head over how to get out of a ‘night out’ and just run away.

But I don’t run anymore.

I make sure to put myself in the right mindset, and conquer. Defying all odds, I still end up going out. A simple task to many takes me hours of mental preparation to tell myself, “right, go out for your friends and have a good time.” My anxiety may be my mental illness, but it won’t be my downfall.

It can’t be cured. I can imagine myself even now starting my new apprenticeship and getting worried and stressed over having to interact with new people and to try to not mess anything up. It’ll always be an annoying linger, but it’s going to have to be an annoying linger that I come to terms with how to control. And my down and off days? I will face them head on. Because it’s okay to have those days, and it’s okay to have days where you don’t want to leave the house. It’s okay because in some ways, them days can make you even more determined for when you conquer those fears.

Love and happiness always,
xo, Becca

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Empowerment | General blog posts | Me & my life | Mental health | Motivation | relationships | Uncategorized

Every passing thought

By on November 19, 2016


I am currently sat in a coffee shop (once again) staring at my blank notes on my laptop and trying to come up with a blog post in which i can express every radical and deep thought that surrounds my head at this moment in time.

I think one of the things that I have always been most scared of is judgement. The idea that I will never be good enough for anyone, and that I will occasionally be open to scrutiny and not find a way out from it.

When I write endless blog posts about how I am me, or about how I have grown as a person, I do it as more of my own personal reflection of who I’m becoming and I’m proud of it. I’m proud of the fact that people can now presume I’m ‘this and that,’ and I will honestly take no notice of it because I know who I am.

I occasionally like to reflect on self confidence and wow, this is something I still can’t believe is real. I was always one of those people who wished people would be more confident in themselves because there are so many genuinely beautiful people in this world who simply don’t see that, but never told myself the same thing. I can’t tell you how many times I used to purposely avoid mirrors because I physically couldn’t accept who I was.

In fact, it was only last week on a night out that I wore a short body con dress that I would’ve never imagined wearing 5 months ago. i feel like I’m going on a preachy tangent, but I am extremely emotional right now and would cry into my cold brew that is sat next to me but the only thing left is the sugar at the bottom. Typical.

Maybe we all have our own unique space in this world and we don’t see it. Maybe fate works in weird and wonderful ways. Maybe our friends are our friends to make us who we are. Maybe our ex relationships are our hurtful past to in fact, make us stronger. Maybe the people who drift in and out of our lives is the worlds way of telling us to make the most of people in our lives while they’re here.

I often look up at the sky and think all these things. I mean, I’m only eighteen yeas old. I’m young. I have so much more of life to experience, yet it all seems to make sense to me at the moment… in a jumbled sort of way. I probably have another 5,000 relationship break-ups to come my way, and god knows how many jobs until I find the one that seems to suit me best. But instead of thinking about boys, or relationships I look up at the sky and think about life. And people. And how my life is just beginning, and how excited I am to see what’s next in store for me.

The fact is, I’m an avid thinker. I am looking round this coffee shop right now and thinking about people’s lives. About how they manage to pay bills, or mortgages, or even student finances. At the moment, i don’t have to worry about that. But at the end of the day, maybe that doesn’t matter. if you have no money now, trust fate to work everything out. Maybe I’m naive. But maybe living is simply the only fundamental part to life.

I can’t write poetry. I physically can’t. i always sit there and write poems about heartbreak and about how sad I may be feeling one night. I can’t rhyme to save my life. None of it really flows, but for some reason, I still want to publish a book full of ‘bad poetry.’ Nothing has to be perfect, though. Not even my own writing. Gosh, my blog is full of rambling posts about life and I think I fluff my writing too much. But my bad poetry makes me, me. My dodgy blind eye makes me, me. My mistakes make me, me.

This is an insight into my head and my thoughts. In fact, I’m thinking about texting my best friend back right now because I accidentally forgot to this morning and now I am worrying about how she is. Maybe I care too much about the small things, but sometimes they’re the best things to live for. Like laughing until you can’t physically breathe. Sitting in a coffee shop for two hours writing about life. Spending time with friends. Looking up at the sky, and trees, and nature. Let your life live in itself.

Love and happiness always,
xo, Becca

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body positivity | Me & my life | Mental health | Motivation | Uncategorized

A small life update

By on November 9, 2016


I feel a bit “put off” from writing about how I feel at the moment, however it seems like nowadays, “happiness” is genuinely the only emotion that I can describe myself as.
3 months ago, my blog was centred around heart break and pain. I’m not going to sugarcoat anything, because it straight up was. It was a time in my life in which I felt things “coming together,” but it wasn’t totally there. I’d hurt more than I’d ever hurt before, and I don’t know why situations hit me so hard at that time. It was the kind of time where things where looking up for me, and then something else would happen that would break me even more. I was always going backwards, and because of that I became extremely lost. I used to sleep to simply pass time so I could make it through the day without breaking down. I used to have to plan my whole week to keep myself busy because I didn’t know how I’d cope otherwise. Situations made me extremely anxious and even when I look back to September, I don’t think I’ve ever been so ill or felt so low with my anxiety to the point where it physically scared me.
I kinda “chose” a positive attitude and to change my mindset. Obviously it’s not as easy as that, but I was so incredibly determined to see past this point in my life. I’d just gotten my semi colon tattoo at this point, and I honestly believe it came at exactly the right time. It was such an important, and helpful reminder to simply keep going.
I am now sat on my kitchen floor, pouring all these words out onto the notes on my phone. The dryer won’t stop beeping so I should probably sort that out. But I have the energy to. I have the energy to get up right now and just dance. I have the energy to go out in public with my friend today, vlog in public for my YouTube and just laugh. I have the COURAGE to be happy and to keep moving forward and it honestly makes me so emotional when I reflect on my progress.
As well as finding confidence in the body I breathe in, I have also found confidence in my own happiness. I’m entitled and allowed to be happy. I’m allowed to express progress and think, “you know what? I can’t believe I made it through these past months, but I did it.” I see happiness as more of a journey. It doesn’t happen overnight, but if you make yourself a priority, it’s definitely worth it in the end.
I now couldn’t care about external perceptions of me. I can go out in public and not be scared anymore, even though I still have the odd panic attack. The only words I can think of when I describe these past 4 ish months is a whirlwind. An adventure. A journey of happiness and empowerment.
If you’re not in the best place right now, remember that it’s okay. If we never had low times, how would we know what the good ones look like?
Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Empowerment | Me & my life | Mental health | Motivation | Uncategorized

I will prove myself

By on November 5, 2016


Wow Becca, that blog post title seemed extremely motivational.

Proving myself to others is something I seem to strive for a lot. I strive for the challenge of telling someone I can and I will do something and succeeding at that.

A few months back, I told someone that I was close to at the time that I would prove myself to them and if anything else, for the benefit of myself. I wasn’t in the best place mentally or emotionally (in fact, that’s probably a huge understatement), but I was still willing to make the changes to my life that I needed to ensure that I could get through this for them, and myself.

One of the personal goals that I set myself was to go to the doctors about my anxiety and seek help and support. Although I have alluded to this in some of my most recent blog posts, I did it. I sat there in the doctors on the verge of having a panic attack over having to talk to some stranger about what was going on in that lil head of mine. I then had a phone call with the mental health clinic and managed to get through a whole assessment of uncomfortable and rather upsetting questions regarding what was happening to me emotionally. The fact is though, I had my end goal in sight and I did it. Stage one of proving myself complete.

I also set a challenge to prove myself to myself. Feeling confident and liberated is such a hard feeling to succeed at. It takes a lot of time and patience with yourself, and it certainly doesn’t happen overnight. Over the past few months though, I have begun to accept myself, how I look, and who I am a lot more. I used to be extremely insecure even 4 months ago with my body shape, and how I look that it was sometimes challenging. I feel like I’ve hit such a huge milestone now though, and I’m always going to keep building on my confidence to make sure that it stays there as long as possible. Stage two of proving myself complete.

I also developed a bad habit of putting things off and not seeking the things that I wanted to do and just leaving it. I am now in the mindset of, “life is too short. Just go for it.” As preachy as an overused as that may sound, it’s true. Life really is too short. I personally would rather live it having done and achieved things that I’m proud of, rather than getting to the end of my life and wishing I had taken the chances given to me. Stage 3 of proving myself complete.

And most importantly, I wanted to prove to myself that I could be genuinely happy for a time period longer than a week, and I’ve done just that. I can’t sit there and say that I haven’t had a bad anxiety day, or say that I haven’t had days where I couldn’t physically get out of bed since I made this ‘pledge’ to myself; but I can say that I have been the happiest I’ve ever been and in that, I have found and developed myself. Onwards and upwards. I have and will prove myself.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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