Me & my life | Mental health | Uncategorized

Anxiety: Can you see it from the outside?

By on November 12, 2016


When I normally open up about my anxiety and how I suffer from it, a lot of people immediately tell me that “You would never guess I had anxiety,” which I guess is a good thing. I don’t want to show that if I’m feeling anxious all the time, and I don’t want it to be something that people define me by.

Sometimes what you see on the outside, isn’t always what is going on in the inside; and I think that’s the same for most mental illnesses. I am relatively quite a happy and positive person. I am quite outgoing and confident because that’s just how my personally is.

But I could seem completely confident, and inside feel like I’m having a panic attack. In fact, I watched a really insightful video about this concept of anxiety the other day which I will link here.

It basically describes that ‘high functioning anxiety’ demonstrates a contrast between what’s going on inside, and what you see on the outside. For example, while it may seem like I am completely calm and as though my anxiety isn’t getting to me at all, I could still be having erratic thoughts of, “You’re not good enough,” “Everyone hates you,” “You should stop talking and shut up” “You’re such a burden.”

When it comes to my anxiety, I try to block out the thoughts and pretend they’re not there, but sometimes that can do more harm than good. Simply pretending they don’t exist is like walking away from a ticking time bomb and knowing that it’s going to explode sooner or later. These thoughts will eventually catch up to me, and the longer that I try to pretend they don’t exist, the worse they normally get in the long run.

That’s why it may seem like I’m all ‘happy and positive’ all the time, when in reality I’m not. Just because I may seem happy, doesn’t mean I’m not feeling anxious. It doesn’t mean that I’m not overthinking the worst, or not on the edge of having a panic attack. The thing about mental illnesses is that it’s in the brain and obviously, what’s going on in there may not always be a reflection of what you see on the outside.

The fact is, you never know what anyone is truly going through. Don’t automatically assume a person is okay just because of how they may seem on the outside. Sometimes I try to hide my anxious moments, but at the same time I want to scream out for help. It’s exhausting, and it’s like it’s a whole act that I need to put on in order to convince myself that it’s not there… when it obviously is.

Sometimes, you’re not able to see what is going on inside my head from my body language on the outside. That’s the scary thing. High functioning anxiety for me sounds like, “You’re not good enough, but you need to act happy and good enough so people don’t hate you AND THEN think you’re not good enough even more.”

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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body positivity | Me & my life | Mental health | Motivation | Uncategorized

A small life update

By on November 9, 2016


I feel a bit “put off” from writing about how I feel at the moment, however it seems like nowadays, “happiness” is genuinely the only emotion that I can describe myself as.
3 months ago, my blog was centred around heart break and pain. I’m not going to sugarcoat anything, because it straight up was. It was a time in my life in which I felt things “coming together,” but it wasn’t totally there. I’d hurt more than I’d ever hurt before, and I don’t know why situations hit me so hard at that time. It was the kind of time where things where looking up for me, and then something else would happen that would break me even more. I was always going backwards, and because of that I became extremely lost. I used to sleep to simply pass time so I could make it through the day without breaking down. I used to have to plan my whole week to keep myself busy because I didn’t know how I’d cope otherwise. Situations made me extremely anxious and even when I look back to September, I don’t think I’ve ever been so ill or felt so low with my anxiety to the point where it physically scared me.
I kinda “chose” a positive attitude and to change my mindset. Obviously it’s not as easy as that, but I was so incredibly determined to see past this point in my life. I’d just gotten my semi colon tattoo at this point, and I honestly believe it came at exactly the right time. It was such an important, and helpful reminder to simply keep going.
I am now sat on my kitchen floor, pouring all these words out onto the notes on my phone. The dryer won’t stop beeping so I should probably sort that out. But I have the energy to. I have the energy to get up right now and just dance. I have the energy to go out in public with my friend today, vlog in public for my YouTube and just laugh. I have the COURAGE to be happy and to keep moving forward and it honestly makes me so emotional when I reflect on my progress.
As well as finding confidence in the body I breathe in, I have also found confidence in my own happiness. I’m entitled and allowed to be happy. I’m allowed to express progress and think, “you know what? I can’t believe I made it through these past months, but I did it.” I see happiness as more of a journey. It doesn’t happen overnight, but if you make yourself a priority, it’s definitely worth it in the end.
I now couldn’t care about external perceptions of me. I can go out in public and not be scared anymore, even though I still have the odd panic attack. The only words I can think of when I describe these past 4 ish months is a whirlwind. An adventure. A journey of happiness and empowerment.
If you’re not in the best place right now, remember that it’s okay. If we never had low times, how would we know what the good ones look like?
Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Empowerment | Me & my life | Mental health | Motivation | Uncategorized

I will prove myself

By on November 5, 2016


Wow Becca, that blog post title seemed extremely motivational.

Proving myself to others is something I seem to strive for a lot. I strive for the challenge of telling someone I can and I will do something and succeeding at that.

A few months back, I told someone that I was close to at the time that I would prove myself to them and if anything else, for the benefit of myself. I wasn’t in the best place mentally or emotionally (in fact, that’s probably a huge understatement), but I was still willing to make the changes to my life that I needed to ensure that I could get through this for them, and myself.

One of the personal goals that I set myself was to go to the doctors about my anxiety and seek help and support. Although I have alluded to this in some of my most recent blog posts, I did it. I sat there in the doctors on the verge of having a panic attack over having to talk to some stranger about what was going on in that lil head of mine. I then had a phone call with the mental health clinic and managed to get through a whole assessment of uncomfortable and rather upsetting questions regarding what was happening to me emotionally. The fact is though, I had my end goal in sight and I did it. Stage one of proving myself complete.

I also set a challenge to prove myself to myself. Feeling confident and liberated is such a hard feeling to succeed at. It takes a lot of time and patience with yourself, and it certainly doesn’t happen overnight. Over the past few months though, I have begun to accept myself, how I look, and who I am a lot more. I used to be extremely insecure even 4 months ago with my body shape, and how I look that it was sometimes challenging. I feel like I’ve hit such a huge milestone now though, and I’m always going to keep building on my confidence to make sure that it stays there as long as possible. Stage two of proving myself complete.

I also developed a bad habit of putting things off and not seeking the things that I wanted to do and just leaving it. I am now in the mindset of, “life is too short. Just go for it.” As preachy as an overused as that may sound, it’s true. Life really is too short. I personally would rather live it having done and achieved things that I’m proud of, rather than getting to the end of my life and wishing I had taken the chances given to me. Stage 3 of proving myself complete.

And most importantly, I wanted to prove to myself that I could be genuinely happy for a time period longer than a week, and I’ve done just that. I can’t sit there and say that I haven’t had a bad anxiety day, or say that I haven’t had days where I couldn’t physically get out of bed since I made this ‘pledge’ to myself; but I can say that I have been the happiest I’ve ever been and in that, I have found and developed myself. Onwards and upwards. I have and will prove myself.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Me & my life | Mental health | Motivation | Uncategorized

Why my anxiety will never win

By on October 1, 2016


It’s not a secret that I have anxiety. Hi, yes I panic over people hating me, my friends not wanting to be my friends, and being a burdern to everyone in my life. Sounds dark when I put it like that, but it isn’t. I’m happy and positive 95% of the time. 

As completely irrational as it may sound to someone who has never had mental health issues before, it’s like constantly living with a ‘linger.’ It’s going to sleep happy you’ve had a ‘good day’ with low anxiety levels, and then waking up the next day and for some reason having a ‘bad day.’

When I talk about my anxiety, I am normally open about the thoughts and feelings that ferociously overflow my mind. As dark and depressing as it may sound, I live my life in the fear of people hating me. I could say something, and beat myself up over it for a good 3 days afterwards. I could worry about being alone and having no one whilst I have an amazing support group of people that surround me.

I recently had an encounter which made me extremely anxious. One thing I hate is being stared at and ridiculed, which happened to me recently and left my anxiety sky high. Although many people may have either brushed this off, or approached the person responsible and started an argument; this event left me house bound for 2 days. I had to drag myself out of the house on the following Tuesday. I was so displaced in who I was that I began to believe that I deserved to be mocked and humiliated- when I clearly don’t. The reason why I was put in that uncomfortable position is still a mystery to me, but it was the effects after what happened which triggered my anxiety to the worst point it’s been (probably ever).

When it comes to my anxious thoughts, I take comfort in a ‘safe place’ where I can talk to someone and let my thoughts and feelings out in complete confidence. Although my ‘safe place’ is no longer around, I have created my own ‘safe place’ in myself with a general plan of what to do when my anxiety reaches frightening points and I simply feel hopeless.

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a blog post on my new semi colon tattoo. In all honesty, my tattoo has helped act as a personal reminder that my story is not ready to end. Shoutout to my anxiety- you will not win. Although I reach points of such hopelessness, separation and displacement; my high anxious times normally pass. I am a lot stronger than I give myself credit for, and sometimes being reminded of that helps me realise that my anxiety and my anxious thoughts don’t deserve to impact so much on my health and it’s all about control.

As completely absurd as this may seem to someone who struggles with anxiety like me, I now also put myself in purposeful anxious positions to show myself that I can do it. When I am in the right frame of mind, I become determined enough to order my own food, go out on my own, go to events by myself or even silly things like walking down a busy street and turning round to go in a different direction. When this blog post goes up, I’ll be at the Bloggers Blog Award event on my own. I would never have done that 3 months ago.

My anxiety does not difine me. It’s as simple as that. Ironically, I am a pretty happy and positive person. Just because my brain is wired differently compared to other people doesn’t suddenly mean that I am dark and depressed all the time. Because the reality is, I’m not. I am finally at a point where I’m understanding my mental health. Where I am ready to say “HI ANXIETY YOU WILL NOT WIN,” but also accept that it’s okay if I have a ‘bad day’ because it’s going to happen. Where I have finally plucked up the courage to admit that I need help in order to help keep my anxiety under control (yes, after months of waiting and years of putting it off after fear, I have finally been referred to a mental health clinic). Small, but positive steps… right?

My anxiety will always be there in some shape or form. The sad thing about mental health illnesses, is that they don’t just disappear. It will always linger, and it will always be a constant battle. Just because I seem happy one day doesn’t automatically mean that the thoughts of hopelessness and the fear of people completely hating me just don’t go away like magic. But who I fundamentally am and my personality will always be bigger and a more dominant part of me than my anxiety. Because I’ve accepted that I can suffer from anxiety, and love making friends. I can suffer from anxiety, and still be independent. My mental health will not replace the fundamental qualities of who I am.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Empowerment | Me & my life | Mental health | Motivation | Uncategorized

Don't apologise for who you are

By on September 21, 2016



This seems like such a bold statement, and in some ways, it is. You are a human being, and you shouldn’t be defined by expectations. Embrace your uniqueness and quirkiness and don’t apologise to anyone who puts that down.

Embrace who you are, and who you’re becoming. It’s such a learning process, and it deserves to be shouted about- not neglected. I am not for one minute suggesting that you shouldn’t apologise for malicious actions of wrongdoing- that’s a whole other topic. 

When it comes down to it, if everyone was the same the world would be so boring. I feel as though we seem to make this point all the time, but it’s incredibly accurate. We live in a world with a mixture of wonderful human beings. Each with their own unique souls and traits. For one quality you hold, someone else lacks and vise versa. I don’t know about you, but that makes your qualities you do hold even more special. There’s no one else like you in this world. 

And if someone makes you apologise for who you are, then make them apologise. Make them apologise for making you feel any less than worthy of existing in your own skin. If someone tells you to stop laughing, laugh harder. If someone asks you why you’re always happy, throw your positive vibes in their face. For every one thing that someone dislikes about you, someone else adores. You’re pretty rad, I’ll give you that. 

There will always be people that may dislike you, and that’s okay. You could be the kindest, most compassionate person, and still have people dislike you and what you’re about. Let them. Use that as motivation to be yourself even more. You are who you are, and if anyone shames that, then they are not worth your precious time. If someone doesn’t give you the time of day to flaunt your incredible personality, then that’s their loss. For someone who constantly lets people’s false perceptions of myself get to me, I’ve realised it’s not worth it. Find enough confidence within yourself to tell yourself, “I’m actually a pretty decent human being.”  (You’re most likely right with that point).

When it comes to myself, I often apologise for who I am and for things which are simply out of my control. I have slowly began to realise that I simply shouldn’t.

I am at a point in my own self right now where I am confident and happy in who I am, and who I’m becoming most importantly. My little life philosophy consists of simply being a good, nice person, and I will never apologise for that. I’ve set myself personal goals of who I want to be, and what I want to achieve; and although I may fail at that sometimes, the ambition never wavers. I am who I am. And I am who I’m becoming.

On the mental health side of things, I shouldn’t have to apologise for that either. I shouldn’t have to and will not apologise for having a panic attack, or high anxious moments because it happens. It’s out of my control, and it can’t be helped.

Overall, ‘you’ is pretty amazing. Wear it. Flaunt it. Shout it from the roof tops. Strive to do better and be better, but don’t apologise in the process. You are totally fine and wonderful exactly as you are and that deserves to be reminded more. I’m not some girl saying this for the sake of it. It genuinely upsets me how many glorious people are around who simply don’t realise it. That one is for you reading this. I believe there is good in everyone, and that includes you.

Just because the colour shade your wearing is different to someone else’s, doesn’t make you any less important or your ‘colour’ any less spectacular. 

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Me & my life | Mental health | Motivation | Uncategorized

It's okay not to be okay

By on September 14, 2016


We all have experienced points in our life when we’re “not okay.” But do we sometimes pressure ourselves too much sometimes to be okay and not accept that not being okay is totally normal?

As someone who has severe anxiety, both social and general, there are times when I get into really bad and scary states. I get angry at myself for having panic attacks, for nearly throwing up, or for hysterically crying on the floor about things that shouldn’t matter. I get the feeling that everyone is out to judge me and that me not being okay is me not being the person I aim to be which couldn’t be further from the truth.

Of course, I try my hardest to be an overall happy and positive person. If anyone knows me personally, you’ll know that that’s normally the case. In my mind, having ‘bad days’ is me letting myself down- and I’m my own biggest enemy. I judge myself and I pressure myself too much to be okay, without realising that it’s okay not to be okay.

This especially applies to my life and state of mind at the moment. After living my life for the past 2 months in complete happiness, I am slowly beginning to have anxiety attacks regularly again. I have waves of being okay and totally fine, to having panic attacks daily and I’ve noticed that this has been the case with my anxiety for a while.

In some ways, my state of mind is very contradictive at the moment. I’ve reached a stage where I’m confident in myself (especially in my body and appearance- it’s been a long time coming), and in who I want to become. At the same time however, I have been through some of the worst anxiety attacks I’ve ever had at the moment. I beat myself up over this- and blame myself. After all, it’s me who believes that everyone hates me, so how do I get back out of this vicious circle?

The solution? It’s okay not to be okay. It will pass. Let your body and mind have their ‘moments,’ and see past them. I’m a big believer in looking forward, not back, and that’s exactly where I’m heading right now. I have so many amazing things coming up in my life, with my blog; and life in general, and I have to go through the bad points to come out to the good. That’s why it’s okay not to be okay- not only because it’s human nature to not be okay sometimes, but also because not being okay helps make me stronger and more fearless to my anxious thoughts.

This is a message to all of you reading this right now: no one expects you to be happy all the time. You could be the happiest, bubbly, most positive person going and still have ‘off days.’ Trust me, it’s okay not to be okay sometimes. That’s what makes you most alive.

lil extra note: It would be very humbling to me if you could nominate me for a Cosmopolitan Influencers Award in the category Best Newcomer here. Here are also all the details you’ll need:

Thank you! xo

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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General blog posts | Me & my life | Mental health | Uncategorized

Why is my tattoo so important to me?

By on September 12, 2016


“Project Semicolon exists to encourage, love, and inspire.”

I only turned 18 last week, and I’ve already plucked up the courage to go and get a tattoo of something which means a lot to me personally. If any of you have been following my blog, reading my posts, or even follow me on Twitter; you may be aware that I suffer from anxiety- a mental health illness that many others experience worldwide.

My tattoo is a small semicolon on my left wrist as you can see from the picture above. It’s a representation of hope, strength, bravery and awareness. It’s a constant reminder that my story is not ready to end, and that my sentence just requires me to pause and carry on.

For someone who constantly believes everyone is better off without me, that I’m a constant burden and that everyone hates me, this tattoo is also a reminder that it’s okay not to be okay. My story is going to have dilemmas, but in the end, everything will be okay.

Considering the fact that I couldn’t even speak on the phone to a stranger or order her own food three months ago, I am incredibly proud of myself for stepping out of my ‘comfort zone’ and getting a tattoo on my own. For many, this may seem like such a simple task, but for someone like me who has panic attacks in a lot of social situations, overcoming this fear of ‘people judging me’ was part of my tattoo journey and experience.

Above all, I want my tattoo to make a statement. A statement that shows that mental health issues should not be stigmatised. I am very vocal about my experience with anxiety, and that won’t ever change for the very reason that people need to be aware of these issues that millions face worldwide. I am not going mad. I am not psychotic. I am still as human as you reading this right now. I still love. I still care. I still have the ‘weirdest’ and most dorky personality. I can’t help feeling these things- and I can’t help the fact that my bad anxiety days make it even a struggle to get out of bed and complete simple tasks such as going to work.

My semi colon represents my story. A story of strength, hope and my own crazy journey. After everything my mind has decided to throw at me and destroy me with, I’m still here. And guess what? I’m doing pretty amazing. My anxiety will not ever win, no matter how much it tries. Fact. I’m stronger than that. Of course it will linger and I’ll have ‘bad’ days, but I’m still here- and I will be for a long time. As much of a miracle in itself that may be, I still have a lot more to offer this world and the people around me. My story is just getting started.

I hope people ask me all about my tattoo. All about the story and meaning behind it so I can share my experience for the benefit of others. It’s time we decreased the stigma that surrounds mental health one person at a time. My tattoo is not only personal to me, but a reflection of what many other people have to battle against daily. If you have any type of mental health illness, this is for you. Stay strong, stay bold, and stay fearless. You deserve to be loved and appreciated as much as anyone else in this world, and you don’t deserve to ever doubt that. You’re still here reading this, so make your story the best story it can be. Paint it all over the walls, dance on top of tables. Feel alive. You can do this.

“A semicolon is used when a sentence could have been ended, but it wasn’t. It’s a reminder to keep going, even in times of feeling like you want to stop. Don’t let your story end.”

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Mental health | Uncategorized

Anxiety in relationships and the workplace

By on August 7, 2016


Okay Becca, breathe.

This is undoubtedly going to be one of the most personal, and hardest, blog posts to write if anything; because it is the reason behind my biggest downfalls as a person- how my anxiety affects me in relationships and in the workplace.

It’s no secret that I am quite a sensitive person as it is. Mix that in with anxiety, and we have breakdown after breakdown in a relationship. Dear my future partner: good luck.

I don’t think I have ever openly sat here and spoke about how bad my anxiety can get in relationships. I am incredibly worried about people in my life leaving me as it is, and that is no different in relationships. It’s hard to admit that you constantly feel like you’re not good enough for the person you love. I mean, it’s me. Why would anyone want to commit to me? 

I constantly worry and have panic attacks over not being good enough. I constantly worry about my partner finding someone better, and me not being enough. I want to be good enough for them. I want to be the best girlfriend I can be, I want to put them first and care for them so unbelievably much. Even though I do just that, I feel like that’s not enough. I mean, I view myself as such a ‘burdern,’ so how could anyone possibly love me? Wow, what a foreign concept.

I worry about it so much that it puts a strain on my relationship. It’s so much emotional stress being put on my partner, over something I can’t help.

It’s a constant mental battle of, “He’s going to leave me. I want to tell him, but I can’t. What if I tell him how I really feel and he leaves me?” Even writing this now I have a lump in a throat thinking about the amount of emotional strain that my anxiety puts me under in relationships. And the saddest thing about it all? I physically can’t help it.

Paranoid? No. I’ve sat and thought about this more in depth than a lot of things. The most ironic thing, is that I still trust my partner. I still trust that they love me enough to not leave me unless necessary. I still trust them enough to know that when they tell me I’m good enough, maybe I am just that.

See what I mean by a constant emotional battle? It’s a constant battle between thoughts that are ‘irrational,’ but seem totally real to me, and what I know is actually happening.

To conclude this, I’m going to put my hands up and admit that how I feel in relationships has put such a strain on the people I love. The saddest thing is that I try not to think about it, and I try not to have panic attacks over it. This may seem completely ‘psycho’ to anyone who hasn’t experienced anxiety in relationships, but I know it’s not just me who experiences this.

My advice to you if you feel like this in a relationship? Trust your partner, and if you need to talk to them, talk to them. Don’t let your anxiety put even more strain on yourself, and your relationship, more than it already might be,

And on the flipside, if you’re dating someone with anxiety (especially in your relationship), the number one thing you can do is to be reassuring. Yeah, it may get tiring. But if you really want to fight for your relationship and your partner, then it will be worth it. In fact, I read the perfect thing that would fit with this idea yesterday:

Don’t give up on somebody with a mental illness. You’re finding it hard to be [with] them? They’re finding it harder, I promise.

And now the good old, ‘anxiety in the workplace.’ If handing in your CV, going through the interview process, talking on the phone to your boss, and doing the whole training process at work wasn’t bad enough, my anxiety still likes to pop up and say hello.

I work as a waitress in a tea room so I’m serving food and drinks to customers on a weekly basis. For me, talking to people makes me feel extra anxious. Don’t get me wrong, I love people, I love interacting with people and exploring their lives and just having a general chat. But it makes it extra hard to do that, especially if you’re having a bad anxiety day and you feel on edge.

To be completely honest, I love my job. It gives me great experience, and forces me to be put in uncomfortable positions and see the day through. However, like everything else, it can all get too much.

It was only the other day actually where I had a panic attack in work due to my anxiety. I had been having constant panic attacks all Friday, so I didn’t feel too good either when I got up for work on that Saturday. Regardless, I always say that I will not let my anxiety stop me from doing things, so I went to work as usual.

Little did I know, that even spilling a bit of tea could make me nearly cry. Yes, I nearly cried over tea. I nearly cried over the embarrassment of dropping a bit of tea, and the good old wow, you’re not even good enough to serve a pot of tea.’

Just like worrying over my partner wanting to leave me in relationships, I get worried over being sacked in work. In fact, I’ve pretty much got it in my head that my workplace is going to sack me and I’m so hopeless, even though I know that that’s not the case and I’m doing just fine at my job.

Regardless, I am getting better at handling my anxiety in relationships and the workplace. I am still yet to adjust to the constant negative thoughts, and turning them into a positive.

More than anything, I am worried that I will put up this blog post and people will think I’m a ‘paranoid freak who doesn’t deserve a boyfriend or a job.’ And you know what? That couldn’t be further from the truth. The whole point of this post was mainly to speak up about this and once again, stop the negative stigma that surrounds mental illness. If anyone knows me, they’ll know that I try to be the most positive and happiest person I can be. I see my anxiety as a pain, and something that lingers… not something that defines my whole mind. I deserve to be loved just as anyone else, because I know how to love and not just be a constant annoyance due to my anxiety… something may I add again, I cannot help; trust me I hate it as much as you do.

I’m trying, one step at a time. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been right now, and hopefully that will reflect in my next relationship- whenever that may be, who knows.

Bottom line: my anxiety will not stop me from working hard at my job, just as it will not stop me from finding a relationship where my anxiety episodes are accepted just as much as everything else about me should be.

Do you have similar experiences in relationships or the workplace? Leave your thoughts in the comment box below!

Love & happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Mental health | Uncategorized

Mental health stigma, why does it still exist?

By on August 2, 2016


It’s 1am and I have become so utterly annoyed / angry and irritated by the lack of mental health resources there is, and by how much it’s stigmatised.

For me personally, it’s wrong and upsetting that there are still people out there who are scared to talk about their mental health issues because they’re scared of being judged, or scared about everyone labelling them as something they’re not.

After struggling with bad anxiety for a couple of years now, it took me a lot to come out and tell everyone around me what I was experiencing. I was physically scared about them jumping to conclusions and not believing how severe my mental state was, and to some point is.

When it comes to anxiety in general, my favourite ones to be told are “you’re being stupid,” “just stop thinking about it,” “you’ll stop worrying about it tomorrow.” Mate, I’ve been worrying about my friends hating me and not wanting me anymore for over a year now… I don’t think it’ll pass by tomorrow somehow. And as for just forgetting about it, well, that really speaks volumes. Have you ever thought in that small minded brain of yours that maybe, just maybe, I’ve tried that about a thousand times and it hasn’t worked? Thanks for the advice though.

There are still people nowadays that see people with mental illnesses as complete loonitics who are “psycho” and should be in a mental asylum. Thanks for that. Want to know the reality of it all? The fact that, believe it or not, we’re not all depressed all the time, and we do have things in our life that makes us so happy. Ironic to you maybe?

For the record, I apologise for the amount of sarcasm in this post, but you know, it has to be done.

Okay so it’s 2016. People are becoming more aware of mental illness issues. People are now covering it more on social media. People are now helping to decrease the stigma. But with that, comes some people who think having “anxiety” or “depression” is cute. You know them pictures that totally romanticise what it’s like having an anxiety attack? The one where a model is lying on a nicely made bed with mascara running down their cheeks? Like this one for example.


Gosh I wish my hair, face and nails looked that good mid anxiety attack.

The reality of it all is being keeled over the toilet because you physically feel like you’re going to throw up. Or being so drained you can’t move, and feeling so ill you can’t manage more than 1 meal a day. It’s me having to force myself to go to lesson in college even though I’d been having a panic attack 10 minutes beforehand.

Open your eyes. 1 in 4 people in the UK experience some sort of mental health encounter in their life. Think of how many millions of people that is? This is going on all around us DAILY, and we still fail to understand and educate ourselves on something so serious.

Mental illness isn’t a joke, or something for you to roll your eyes at when people try to raise the awareness- it just shows the ignorance that surrounds the topic. Or for you to not listen to what it’s like to suffer from a mental illness because “it doesn’t concern you.”

Your mind and body are so precious and it’s about time we realised that we should look after that first and foremost. We can’t ignore these issues any longer. The fact that it can take 6 months to get mental health help from the NHS for even children as young as 10 genuinely upsets me. And that’s coming from someone who thinks our NHS is a blessing and which I am thankful for. BUT more needs to be done, and we can be the ones to do just that.

If you don’t take anything else away from this post, I hope you at least recognise how important it is that we don’t stigmatise mental health issues and that we’re less judgemental of them. There’s nothing worse than crying out for help from your “friends” and being told you’re being completely stupid and you can’t just think of sad things. Can I bang my head against a wall yet? This is such a reoccurring theme.

If you suffer any type of mental illness, don’t be scared to find the help and seek it. It’s just sad that we have to “find” the help we need, rather than it being there and easily accessible. I’m sure if you had a broken leg you’d know where to go to get it fixed. A broken mind is a different story, however.

“Be the change you want to see” and I won’t stop being open about my mental illness experience until enough awareness is raised to decrease the stigma that surrounds it. ALL mental illnesses should be made aware of. That includes anxiety, depression, OCD, schizophrenia, post traumatic stress disorder, bipolar, alcohol abuse, eating disorders, insomnia, borderline personality disorder, only to name a few. ALL should be raised awareness to, not just a select few.

I’m not a psycho. I’m not going mad. Most of the time, I’m perfectly happy. But if I have a panic attack, that’s not my fault. I certainly don’t choose to have them. 

If you also need any help, there’s this amazing website called mind.org.uk. They have an A-Z of the reality of all mental illnesses and offer support for sufferers.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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