Me & my life

A day at “One Love Manchester”

By on June 11, 2017

After the devastating attacks in Manchester later on last month, a question I continuously got asked was if, and when, I was going to branch out and go to another concert. I love concerts, and I love being able to go and enjoy music with a bunch of other people who love the same thing as me. I just didn’t know when the time was right for me to get back into the whole ‘concert’ vibe again.

However, the perfect opportunity came along when Ariana announced her “One Love Manchester” concert only a week or so after the initial attack. As I was at the original Ariana concert, I was able to get free tickets, and as Ariana is my favourite artist, I couldn’t miss a chance to take this opportunity.

Fast forward to the concert, and I can honestly say it was one of the best, positive, and most humbling nights of my life full of such love and inspiration. I don’t think I have ever experienced a concert which was full of such positive light, and I still don’t think I am over it almost a week later.

As great as the acts that performed where, the concert also showed something bigger and more important. It was proof that, as cliche as it may sound, love does win. This was a concert full of 50,000 complete strangers who all came together to conquer hate. To prove that we really are united- and it was a wonderful feeling to be part of.

As much as I love Ariana, and as much as I don’t want to be biased, I think it also needs to be mentioned how strong and inspiring she was last Sunday. After the attack, I spent a lot of time stuck in a mindset of complete confusion and sadness. I couldn’t understand what I needed to do in order to try to at least heal. Like many other people who were there on the Monday night, the “One Love” concert also demonstrated a sense of healing and closure. Ariana brought everyone together for the good of the country, and certainly made something utterly negative and tragic into an event of such love and togetherness.

I think the best thing about the whole experience is that it was a concert like nothing I have ever been to before. It was a celebration of music and love in a different, yet positive, sort of sense. I don’t think anything can even come close to the feeling of pure happiness and overwhelming emotion I felt last Sunday. And I think that’s what made it so special.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Me & my life

Why the Manchester attack has made me view life differently

By on May 24, 2017

For the past 24 hours or so, I have been debating over whether or not to post a blog post about Monday night, or to just leave it. The fact is, I’ve been thinking a lot about Monday, how fortunate I am to still be able to hug my loved one’s, and how you really don’t know what’s around the corner. Cliche, I know.

If you follow most of my social media accounts, you may be aware that I was there on Monday night. You may also be aware that when it comes to Ariana Grande, I am such a dedicated fan and have been for 5 years now. A concert is a place of such positivity, love, and excitement. The whole idea of being in the same room as your favourite artist and connecting to their music live is one of the things I love most about concerts.

However, I don’t want Monday to deter from that experience. It was a surreal kind of night, which ended in a way that I never imagined. You see, these things seem to happen all the time, and you never think that you will ever get caught up in it. I don’t want to make this seem like a cliche, but I also wanted to right about how I feel while everything is just sinking in. Because the fact is, I never knew what was happening. Or what the noise was, or why everyone suddenly started running. I don’t understand how a night of such happiness and positivity, turned into the events that occurred.

No one can tell you how to feel, or what you’re feeling. No one can prepare you for the shock that comes afterwards, or the utter confusion as to why things like this happen. I feel pressured on how to feel, constantly being asked when I simply don’t know. I can’t put my emotions into words, and I am failing to get this all round in my head. “If you weren’t injured, then why are you upset?” You can’t natural human emotions, and you can’t tell me how to feel. If you aren’t in my mind, you can’t make my mind up for me.

However, I want to reflect upon the feelings of utter gratitude and positive emotion. I am constantly seeing people reflect upon Monday’s events and saying, “It makes me realise not to take anything for granted,” and that couldn’t be more accurate. I feel an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for life, and although I have always been one to make the most of every little thing, it has really hit home. How the people around me who care about me really are a blessing. How I possibly spent so much time worrying about things; when everything I need is right here.

My sincere heart goes out to everyone else there that night. From the injured, to the missing, to the victims. To the people who stopped to look after me as I was on my own. To the woman who offered to walk me to the train station. To the worker in McDonald’s who offered to charge my phone in the staffroom while I was in complete shock and needed to contact my mum. To the taxi driver who took me home while I was stranded in Manchester and bought me food and water as I hadn’t really eaten. To the off duty paramedic who offered his services to the wounded. In a night of such negativity, I also saw so much positive love and compassion. That people really do stand together, and that life truly is precious.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Me & my life | relationships

Foreign concepts

By on May 17, 2017

I have recently become so wrapped up in my emotions at the moment to the point where I find it hard to get myself out of them. The kind of overthinking that leads you to believe that maybe you’re not good enough, or you’re not ‘pretty’ enough, or that the whole concept of someone loving you must be completely bizarre and foreign.

Being wrapped up in your emotions can also lead to confusion. I hate it when people’s perception of me or past experiences influence on the way I see myself. I don’t like being alienated by another person who clearly isn’t worthy of being or belonging in my life. But sometimes I fall into that trap. I look at myself and fail to recognise who I am. I want to be strong, and deep down I am strong; but occasionally I loose faith in that part of myself.

I have mentioned this time and time again on here, but I cannot express enough how much I suck when it comes to boys. I don’t talk to many people with the fear of getting hurt. Upon reflecting on a recent encounter, I suddenly realised how terrified I am of letting myself give my all to someone. Someone can take every part of you, and in an instant destroy you. You can finally let your walls down, for them to make you realise why you keep them up in the first place and that petrifies me to the core.

I don’t normally admit when I like someone, nor do I like giving in to my emotions. I am naturally stubborn, and I naturally have that ‘if you don’t want to talk to me, then I don’t want to talk to you’ attitude. But occasionally, just occasionally, someone can come along which makes everything seem worthwhile. For you to think, ‘maybe they are worth a shot.’ Until you realise why you don’t take shots in the first place- and you go back to square one again. Trying to find happiness, independence and comfort in your own single circle.

I guess the whole point of this post is to confess to myself that I am really feeling what I’m feeling. I’ve been in denial for a long time that my past experiences haven’t played a part on my current emotions, when in reality they have and it’s scary. Maybe not being loved is my own foreign concept- as much as I like to deny the fact that’s not what I want in life… but when it comes down to it, we all long to be loved. It petrifies me that someone may not see me for who I am and like that. I’m dorky. I say weird shit sometimes. I’m loud. I have the worst laugh on earth. My eyes squint a lot and my stomach has a weird ass stitch going up it. Accepting my flaws has become one way in which I have learnt to accept myself… but sometimes, just sometimes, someone else accepting those small and quirky qualities is a bonus too.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Me & my life

Lots of summer vibes…

By on May 13, 2017

Like half of the UK right now, I start getting excited over a little bit of sun and longing for summer to begin. What tops is off, is that Paramore’s new album seems to be giving me those summer vibes that we all love when it comes to music- and I’m basically in a ‘summer’ mood (hence this blog post). Oh, and you should totally check out Paramore’s new album if you haven’t already.

I spent a lot of last summer coming to terms with a recent break-up, and just trying to find myself in general. It seems like last summer was a bit of a blur, which is probably why I am so excited for change this summer- full of positive vibes, people, and memories.

It’s 2017 and I am aware like me, a lot of you reading this right now probably have an endless bucket list full of stuff you want to achieve and do this summer. However, this summer I have an extreme feeling of wanderlust and the excitement of travelling and exploring in general.

This summer, I want to push myself to do things and go places that I’ve never been to before. For example, one big thing that I want to do this summer is go to Glasgow and explore the city (I hear it’s an amazing city, so let me know your own experiences). I also want to find my independence again and go on spontaneous trips and take pictures and just soak up ‘life’ for what it is.

Summer is for getting out, stepping out of your comfort zone and exploring. Whether that’s on my own, or with a partner. Summer is for beaches, and tans (although, I’m so pale that I don’t tan). Here’s to this summer, and here’s to trying new things that I haven’t tried before.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Me & my life | Uncategorized

Relationships: An update

By on April 19, 2017


Okay, maybe I should’ve renamed the title ‘an update of my single life,’ but why not throw in a bit of imagination… right?

The fact is, yes I’m still single, and yes I’m still happy blogging about it. But I’ve recently been thinking about how I deal with being single, rather than how it feels.

I’m one of those’ singles who actually likes it. I like my alone time as it is, so being single is like second nature to me. No, that’s not sarcastic as much as it sounded. Rather, I find it rewarding. A way in which I can find out more about myself, before anyone else finds out those parts of me. A space for me to grow, before I have the opportunity to grow with someone else.

But how do I deal with being single? Honestly, not very well. I’m ‘that’ single (yes, I used that phrase again), that would rather act like they don’t care. Someone of the opposite sex showing any type of interest in me? I shut them off. Someone of the opposite sex tries to make effort with me? I shut them off even more. I don’t know if it’s because I’m stubborn, afraid of feelings, would rather be ‘sassy’ like I don’t care; or a mix of all three.

I don’t know if I’ve developed feelings for anyone anymore because I am so used to getting let down. I hate letting my walls down for someone, so I simply don’t do it anymore. I make life hard work, for myself and for the other person, that in the end it just simply isn’t worth it. I’m too stubborn for my own good sometimes, and really don’t take feelings or anything seriously anymore. That may have something to do with past experiences (*cough, cough*), but hey, my life motto at the moment seems to go something like, “Who knows?”

When the right person comes along, and puts up with my stubborn behaviour, then great. Maybe it’s meant to be. Maybe I’m playing a game that isn’t fair, or maybe I’m simply playing myself out of potential relationships. Who knows? I guess I’ll update you if anything interesting happens; but until then, here’s to being stubborn and being single. Maybe I’ll change one day for someone who deserves it.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Me & my life | Mental health | Uncategorized

Is social media all it's cracked up to be?

By on April 1, 2017


The wonderful world of social media. If you’re a fellow blogger, or just use social media for fun or to pass time, you will understand what I mean. Composing the right tweet. Getting the right Instagram theme (my theme is driving me crazy at the moment!) Promoting your public Snapchat and trying to be interesting as well as just being you (oh hi there, my Snapchat it’s itssbeccajayne by the way *wink, wink.*) But as amazing as social media is, why do I always find myself having to ‘take a break’ from it to calm my anxiety?

I guess me and social media have a love / hate relationship. I love being able to connect with my readers, and other bloggers in general. I love how handy it is when it comes to making plans with friends just by a click of a button, and it is actually one of my most loved hobbies. In the near future, I aspire to go to university to study ‘digital marketing,’ so I guess I’m going to have to have some passion for social media at least.

On the other hand, there are things in which I deeply hate about social media; ‘Facebook’ in particular. I am aware that a lot of other bloggers have touched on this subject, and I couldn’t agree more. Facebook, more than any other social media platform, suffocates me the most. The constant posts about relationships which actually presents toxic behaviour, or those ‘relatable’ posts which just make you question humanity in general. I can’t tell you how many times exactly I have deactivated my Facebook account and that scares me. The fact that I’ve had to delete my account to feel somewhat okay in myself again.

Don’t get me wrong, social media is great. Overall, it is my #1 source for my blog traffic, helps me connect with people worldwide, and helps pass time. Bored? Social media. Making breakfast? Check your social media. Wake up? Check your social media. But sometimes I wish it wasn’t like that. Sometimes my mental health needs those days where I wake up and don’t worry about the whole world being exposed to every tweet I send. Sometimes I don’t need to go on Facebook and feed myself negative thoughts. Sometimes I don’t need to go on Instagram and think ‘why do I look like that?’ or ‘My theme is awful and it’s stressing me out.’ Sometimes your mental health is aching for a break from it all; and if you ever get to that point, give yourself what your body wants.

Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the world of social media, that we neglect ourselves in the process. We fail to see what it is doing to our mental health and we keep self destructing ourselves. I often feel like it’s a dark, misty cloud over me in which I can’t get rid of and feel suffocated in. It doesn’t have to be that way. As amazing as the world of social media is, it often has it’s negatives and separation for a while is sometimes key.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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General blog posts | Me & my life | Uncategorized

Why I hate modern day dating

By on March 25, 2017


It’s been a while since I have done a ‘relationships’ themed blog post, but something has been stuck on my mind on repeat for a few weeks now which has to have it’s own escape.

It’s no secret that I suck when it comes to boys. I don’t know if it’s because I’m so stubborn that I would rather ‘keep myself to myself’ rather than let a boy even talk to me, or because I simply don’t believe anyone could be genuinely interested in me.

But you know, on them odd occasions where I do let someone in, the whole dating / texting thing annoys the shit out of me. All the games. How nothing is as simple as, “Hey, want to go for coffee sometime?” I like straight to the point. I like people who show interest because I always think the opposite.

Sure, the chase is fun. I like being able to chase someone, and have someone chase me. Dating is a game at the end of the day, but do I really want to play it? The fact that it is almost ‘forbidden’ to text someone back straight away because you’re seen as ‘too keen.’ Nah, I just happened to have my phone on me at the time. Just like if I don’t text you back after 3 hours, I was probably busy living my life.

Everything is so casual. It takes a lot for me to admit I like someone in that way (mainly because I’m too independent and stubborn for my own good), but when I do- it’s just another game. God forbid you text someone for weeks on end and you’re not allowed to have feelings. God forbid that you spend your time on texting someone, when at the end of it all, you’re the ‘crazy’ one for catching feelings- because it’s just harmless fun, right? It feels like dating is a mockery and it utterly angers me how people are shamed so much.

Look at break-ups for example. I seemed to have ‘forgotten’ that even though I got cheated on and hurt, I can’t actually show any emotion. I mean why do people hurt after break-ups anyway- just move on. Lol. That was clearly sarcastic, but you get my point. Let yourself fucking hurt, and then let yourself heal into a better person. And I am not ashamed that I have done just that. So fuck you to anyone who watched me hurt and rolled their eyes. Who cares? We’re all just emotionless robots, aren’t we? *rolls eyes.*

Well, it inspired this blog so there’s that.

And I guess that’s why I hate dating / talking / texting / anything relationship orientated. I . just . can’t . do . it . The pathetic games, the laughs when you get hurt. It all doesn’t seem worth it to loose myself in the process. Maybe I’m too stubborn. Maybe I’ll die single. But I’d rather be single then be caught up in constant games.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Me & my life | Mental health | Uncategorized

Am I ashamed?

By on March 22, 2017


I really should be sleeping instead of writing this blog post as I have work early tomorrow morning (oops), however I felt so inspired so decided to grab my laptop quick and write about something that has been bugging me for a while. I never knew how to express this ‘thing that’s been bugging me’ until now, and in some ways I still don’t. This post will have no structure whatsoever, but there’s some things that I desperately need to get off my chest for my own sake. So here it goes (warning: there may be a bit of rambling, but who doesn’t love a good ol’ rambled post, eh?)

A lot of things have changed drastically in my life over the past couple of months or so, and things still seem to be rapidly changing as we speak. From friends, to what I do in my free time, to handling my mental health, even to me as a person. I don’t take well to change, which I guess is why I feel so encouraged in myself to write this blog post.

You see, one thing I seem to ask myself a lot is if I’m ashamed in myself. If I deserve to beat myself up over certain things, if I made the right decisions. Obviously with having generalised anxiety, it makes the whole process of figuring this out a lot harder, but I finally came to a conclusion. I live my life for myself with the intention of also putting others first unless it is toxic to me. If something is making me feel sad, or uncomfortable, or just doesn’t feel right anymore; then I have to stop beating myself up over making decisions for myself. Sometimes it doesn’t make me selfish, rather stop me from self destroying.

And then I think about the person I am becoming, and the choices I’ve made. You see, the things is, I always try to make the best decision and put others first. But that realistically is not always going to happen. I’ve said this before, but I have to make myself make mistakes sometimes so I can learn from them; and most importantly, grow.

And that’s another thing I want to address in this post, I am 18 years old. I am by no means experienced in anything in life, nor do I claim to be. I suck at relationships, and break-ups and talking to boys in general; but that’s because I’m still yet to grow. I make immature decisions and look back on them and think, “Really Becca? So mature.” But I’m growing. – And I’m not using this whole ‘growth’ thing as some sort of excuse either. That’s the beauty about living, is watching yourself grow due to your past self.

At the end of the day, I am not going to be exactly the same now as the person I’ll be in 10 years. Nor am I  exactly the same as I was even a year ago. I am developing for the better every day, and I want to work hard to get to who I want to be. I want to make people proud, and make myself proud. I don’t want to make the same mistakes I’ve made in the past. I want to look back on this blog post in 10-30 years and think, “I did it.”

So, going back to the question at the start of this post. Am I ashamed? In myself? In who I am? In who I’m becoming? Not at all. Because to me, being ashamed is looking at myself in a negative light. I don’t want to move backwards, rather forwards. I want to make a positive impact on myself, and those around me. I want to always do better, and be better. And for the majority of the past year, I’ve done just that. But everything takes time, and sometimes we just need to be patient with ourselves.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Empowerment | Feminism | Me & my life | Uncategorized

Womanhood

By on March 18, 2017


I have recently had a feeling of empowerment and confidence, and felt like it has to be written down somewhere. Aka here. You see, I love being a woman. Sure, there are things that suck such as periods, and annoying boobs, and just woman-ly things in general. But honestly, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

I have been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be a woman, and I came to the conclusion that it is unique for every individual. I love being a woman because it makes me feel empowered, and confident. I like the idea of being a ‘strong woman,’ and a fearless woman, and a woman with ambitions and dreams. I like being a woman who finds confidence within her own self, rather than relying on men all the time (although that’s okay too- like I said, personal to each individual).

I like the idea of being a woman, and being me. At the end of the day I know that I am not defined by my gender as each individual is different, but I love embracing womanhood. I love talking about girl power, and bringing up other women, and the whole concept which surrounds our whole gender.

I have recently become engrossed in ‘Kehlani’s’ new album recently, in which she highlights the concept of womanhood and love in her ‘Intro’ which is taken from a poet called,  Reyna Biddy. I have taken some of my most favourite lyrics from this piece, and put them below so you have a better understanding of what I’m talking about:

I’m afraid you’re under the impression
That I was made to please you
I was under the impression you understood me better
The truth is, I’m a superwoman
And some days I’m an angry woman
And some days I’m a crazy woman
For still waiting, for still loving harder even if I’m aching
For still trusting that I’m still worth the most
For still searching for someone to understand me better.

I find the lyrics so incredibly empowering and eye-opening, and it just brought me back to what makes me feel mot alive and like a woman. The idea of longing for love and understanding, yet not mixing that up with the ambition to please anyone.

Because the fact is, I am writing this post feeling extremely strong, liberated and free minded. I feel like as a woman, as me, I can conquer anything. I can achieve my goals. I can work on myself and be a better woman and person. I can be independent, and sexy, and strong minded. I can be me and feel comfortable in who I am.

Here’s to womanhood, confidence, liberation and us.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Me & my life | Uncategorized

Why I delayed going to university

By on March 15, 2017


Oh university. I feel like all my friends are currently having the time of their lives (or maybe not who knows?) at university at the moment. Considering most of my friends went onto higher education, and some are living away, I often regret not going to university straight after college, but at the same time know that it was the right decision for me.

To be honest, I didn’t fully know what I wanted to do with my life until a couple of months ago, and I still don’t know if I do. But at the time of the ‘university application process,’ it just did not interest me at all. At the end of the day, university is a lot of money to spend on education if you’re not 100% set on what you want to do. It’s hard, and it’s certainly a big decision.

As well as not knowing what I wanted to study, I also put off going to university because I don’t think I am fully ready to go yet. I am 18, and I want to live my life a little bit before I truly commit to something that I passionately want to do for the rest of my life. Go out, get drunk, socialise with friends, make memories, experience lots of amazing things.

I also wanted to get experience in various jobs before I went to university. I’ve really worked on improving my CV over the past year, and I want to experience a job environment before I step into the big wide world. I am a strong believer in making the most of life while you can and cherishing every moment, something in which I can proudly say I have done over the past year or so.

However, none of this means to say that I will never go to university. In fact, I have my sights set on looking at a few different universities over the next year (yes, I desperately want to move away and use university as a ‘new chapter’ in my life). At the moment, I am looking at studying digital marketing whenever I go to university, as it’s basically everything that I enjoy doing. Blogging. Social media promotion. I want to study something when I’m ready, but for now, I want to continue enjoying being young. And hey, who knows if this ‘gap year’ turns into ‘5 gap years,’ but I certainly am optimistic and looking forward to the future.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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