Proving myself to others is something I seem to strive for a lot. I strive for the challenge of telling someone I can and I will do something and succeeding at that.
A few months back, I told someone that I was close to at the time that I would prove myself to them and if anything else, for the benefit of myself. I wasn’t in the best place mentally or emotionally (in fact, that’s probably a huge understatement), but I was still willing to make the changes to my life that I needed to ensure that I could get through this for them, and myself.
One of the personal goals that I set myself was to go to the doctors about my anxiety and seek help and support. Although I have alluded to this in some of my most recent blog posts, I did it. I sat there in the doctors on the verge of having a panic attack over having to talk to some stranger about what was going on in that lil head of mine. I then had a phone call with the mental health clinic and managed to get through a whole assessment of uncomfortable and rather upsetting questions regarding what was happening to me emotionally. The fact is though, I had my end goal in sight and I did it. Stage one of proving myself complete.
I also set a challenge to prove myself to myself. Feeling confident and liberated is such a hard feeling to succeed at. It takes a lot of time and patience with yourself, and it certainly doesn’t happen overnight. Over the past few months though, I have begun to accept myself, how I look, and who I am a lot more. I used to be extremely insecure even 4 months ago with my body shape, and how I look that it was sometimes challenging. I feel like I’ve hit such a huge milestone now though, and I’m always going to keep building on my confidence to make sure that it stays there as long as possible. Stage two of proving myself complete.
I also developed a bad habit of putting things off and not seeking the things that I wanted to do and just leaving it. I am now in the mindset of, “life is too short. Just go for it.” As preachy as an overused as that may sound, it’s true. Life really is too short. I personally would rather live it having done and achieved things that I’m proud of, rather than getting to the end of my life and wishing I had taken the chances given to me. Stage 3 of proving myself complete.
And most importantly, I wanted to prove to myself that I could be genuinely happy for a time period longer than a week, and I’ve done just that. I can’t sit there and say that I haven’t had a bad anxiety day, or say that I haven’t had days where I couldn’t physically get out of bed since I made this ‘pledge’ to myself; but I can say that I have been the happiest I’ve ever been and in that, I have found and developed myself. Onwards and upwards. I have and will prove myself.
Love and happiness always,