As someone who has severe anxiety, both social and general, there are times when I get into really bad and scary states. I get angry at myself for having panic attacks, for nearly throwing up, or for hysterically crying on the floor about things that shouldn’t matter. I get the feeling that everyone is out to judge me and that me not being okay is me not being the person I aim to be which couldn’t be further from the truth.
Of course, I try my hardest to be an overall happy and positive person. If anyone knows me personally, you’ll know that that’s normally the case. In my mind, having ‘bad days’ is me letting myself down- and I’m my own biggest enemy. I judge myself and I pressure myself too much to be okay, without realising that it’s okay not to be okay.
This especially applies to my life and state of mind at the moment. After living my life for the past 2 months in complete happiness, I am slowly beginning to have anxiety attacks regularly again. I have waves of being okay and totally fine, to having panic attacks daily and I’ve noticed that this has been the case with my anxiety for a while.
In some ways, my state of mind is very contradictive at the moment. I’ve reached a stage where I’m confident in myself (especially in my body and appearance- it’s been a long time coming), and in who I want to become. At the same time however, I have been through some of the worst anxiety attacks I’ve ever had at the moment. I beat myself up over this- and blame myself. After all, it’s me who believes that everyone hates me, so how do I get back out of this vicious circle?
The solution? It’s okay not to be okay. It will pass. Let your body and mind have their ‘moments,’ and see past them. I’m a big believer in looking forward, not back, and that’s exactly where I’m heading right now. I have so many amazing things coming up in my life, with my blog; and life in general, and I have to go through the bad points to come out to the good. That’s why it’s okay not to be okay- not only because it’s human nature to not be okay sometimes, but also because not being okay helps make me stronger and more fearless to my anxious thoughts.
This is a message to all of you reading this right now: no one expects you to be happy all the time. You could be the happiest, bubbly, most positive person going and still have ‘off days.’ Trust me, it’s okay not to be okay sometimes. That’s what makes you most alive.
lil extra note: It would be very humbling to me if you could nominate me for a Cosmopolitan Influencers Award in the category Best Newcomer here. Here are also all the details you’ll need:
- Name of influencer: Becca Jayne
- URL: www.itsbeccajayne.wordpress.com
- Number of followers: 18250 (combined)
Thank you! xo
Love and happiness always,
Want 20% off your order at Coconut-Lane? Use the code ‘beccajayne20’ at the checkout to redeem…. go on! Why not treat yourself?
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